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how to deal with this
I know its the whole emotional rollercoaster thing, but gah! One minute I am fine, the next minute I am bawling my eyes out! There are probably some judgy things in here that you could call me a total dbag for even thinking/saying, but I figured there has to be some good advice/support from you girls who have more than one kiddie - I try to talk to my mom about it, she says to stop crying, and my mil just says "oh honey, it will get better" - like, no one aknowledges how it feels. Oh, and this will probably ramble, and be long.
At night, I have been so anxious about not getting any sleep, that I make myself sick - like, I get all nauseas and end up puking my brains out. I'm so anxioius most of the time that I really cant eat at all during the day- I force down a sandwich, and that will be it for the day. I cant even eat my taffy 
How do I get past this? I feel like jumping out of my own skin! (and fwiw, I'm on ppd meds already, we started them asap).
I feel sometimes like I just blew apart my life - like, Owen and I had the best little routine, and here I was selfish and wanted another child and a brother for him, and our lives are completely blown apart right now. Owen doesnt want a whole lot to do with me, and I feel like I cant even make an effort to play with him - I'm exhausted and have no energy whatsoever. He's been at Nicks side since we've been at home, and I just feel like the little guy hates me now. He asks for daddy when he is sleeping, not mommy anymore. I guess I just miss it being me and Owen. But I love Ben like crazy, and he really is a good baby, I just dont know how to get over this 'remorseful' attitude about it. I find myself sitting here thinking "did I make a mistake by having another?"
I'll be back and edit with more, Ben is hungry.....again!
Re: how to deal with this
Here are my 2 cents:
I felt this way after I had Kolbe. It took me a long time to acknowledge it and by the time I did, I was needing the meds, so good for you for being proactive.
I think it can be very normal to have this "mommy guilt" after having a newborn. It is also normal for your older kiddo to act out for not having as much attention focused on him. It has only been a couple of weeks (if that)... new routine for everyone involved. I would say give it a little time and if this feeling keeps up, call your dr. Maybe your meds need to be changed around.
Hang in there and get some sleep!
while I don't have 2, yet, I can say that I had a really hard time after Anders was born-getting really sick post-delivery, DH not being able to take any time off, no family, and really not knowing anyone in NE made for a really difficult post-baby time. IMO, the fact that you are acknowledging your feelings is huge, and I hope that your family will be able to do the same as well.
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sure some ladies here will be able to offer some support about having 2. Do you have a friend/family member who could come over and help with Ben so you and Owen can have some one-on-one time, even if it's just relaxing and watching a movie?
While we haven't met, Anders and I are always around if you need a little "help" or a visit and this kiddo loves babies.
Deeeeeeeep breath.
You're doing great. Really, you're doing great. Having a new baby is a big, freaking, deal. It's a big change for you, Nick, and especially Owen. The fact that he hasn't tried to flush Ben down the toilet is a huge success! See, he's adjusting just fine.
Things will get better, and you'll find a new routine. A better routine. One that includes your whole family. You did not make a mistake by having another one. You gave Owen a little brother. You created life out of love. (Well, love and a little plastic cup full of sperm, but come on, who's counting, right?)
You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Do the best you can do and know that's it. These first weeks aren't easy, but you know you'll get there and you know how quickly time flies. Enjoy it. You're a mom of two!
Oh, Tiff! First, HUUUUUUUGS!
Secondly, I'm pretty sure this is normal. Heck, I know I felt the way you're feeling after I had Jack, like "WTH did I do?"
Ben hasn't even been here a week; remember you're deep, deep in the trenches right now; survival mode to the fullest! Just keep yourself alive right now and things WILL work themselves back out. The first two weeks are the hardest. Of course, if it doesn't seem to be getting better after those two weeks, give Doc another call. (I hope this doesn't sound "know-it-all" -ish because, of course, I don't really know how you're feeling - this was just my first time around experience.)
Also know you will probably be saying this exact thing to me, and many of us, very, very soon.
Finally, and I put this on facebook yesterday, please let me know if/when I can come over and help in any way possible. I will gladly just hang with Ben while you & Owen go play at the mall or something. ANYTHING! I'm serious. I can come today and/or tomorrow, even.
Oh man, I'm sorry Tiff. If I could hug you I would. Know that I am SURE you're not alone, and this is a huge adjustment period - and you're only a matter of a few days into it, really!
Owen will come around to being a Mama's boy again soon enough, and I know you'll all find a good system/rhythm/routine. I can only imagine how hard it is now, though. In the newborn stage I would cry about going upstairs and going to bed, EVERY NIGHT, because I knew I wouldn't be getting much sleep anyway. Let alone having to be functional for a toddler the next morning.
Feel free to post anytime here about anything - I hope that goes without saying, but I might as well say it
I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but you are definitely not alone. Jon was home for 1 week before going back to working nights and leaving me home with a newborn (colicky/refluxy at that) and an anxious 2 year old. It was pure hell and I cried a lot. I was exhausted non-stop, but after a couple weeks, I started getting into a routine. K was doing better with accepting she had a brother and B was starting to react to his meds a little and sleep 2 hours at a time. It's rough and it gets better, the guilt is very hard. Are you nursing? Do you think it would help to sub in a bottle here and there to take some of the pressure off you and only you as the sole food provider? Just trying to think of ways to make things easier. Make sure you take up the offer for watching the kids, whether it's both, just O or whatever. It will help save your sanity and maybe allow you to get some sleep. I didn't ask for near enough help and since nobody offered, I just assumed nobody wanted to help. In retrospect, I should have asked for help... I was struggling for a while.
Hugs! The crying will be better in a week or so, those horomones are rough (heck, I still cry and I was never a cryer before kids!!).
BTDT and felt the exact same way, especially with the lack of sleep anxiety. #1 is a life changer for sure, but #2 blows it out of the water. Twice the amount of guilt, less of you to go around, less sleep, etc. It's hard, HARD. It won't always be this hard, I promise. I thought I would never see the light at the end of the sleepless tunnel, but I made it! And you will, too.
You're all full of hormones and freaked out by the new baby. It's hard now, but just wait, that baby brother will be the light of you AND Owen's life. It just takes time. Hang in there
thanks to jennied
Happily Married Since 11.29.02
Brayden Kenneth born 3.27.06
Blaire Kay born 7.10.10
((hugs)) Can I come over so we can bs about being milk cows and crying hormonal beeches (well, the beech part would be me right now to dh)?
Dh does/did 90% for Elsie for awhile, it's just starting to get better with me being able to help. She understood and little Owen does too. Maybe in a week or so take him out and do a cookie and milk or donut run with just him to make him feel special.
Ditto PP Tiff. This is totally normal (but nooooot easy to deal with). I was the same way going from one to two. You are in the beginning it all and things are HARD to start. You will find your routine, Owen will be your sidekick again and all will work itself out. It's totally normal for the older sibling to cling to another parent or family member at first---he will not be like this for long, trust me.
Take a deep breath and get some rest. Ben and Owen and you and Nick will all find your groove and things will come together soon. Post-partum is full of emotions--guilt, exhaustion, you name it. And I argue that going from one to two kids is TOUGH and makes those emotions that much more amplified.
You are doing fabulously, don't let yourself forget that. Let us know if you need ANYTHING, Tiff. Hang in there.
Lurker from another board here. I just wanted to offer you support during this difficult time. A few years back I had some PPA/PPD and realized there wasn't any local Omaha resources to help during the time. I did start a peer support group about a year ago after being a volunteer peer support for Postpartum International Support for 2 years. Our group Mother-to-Mother Support Network of Omaha is a free, confidential peer group that meets monthly. I am not soliciting, but after my experience I wanted to create local awareness for perinatal mood disorders in Omaha. The website for the group is: http://ppsupportomaha.webs.com/ My other contact info is listed on the PSI website http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx choose the Nebraska page and I'm Jen, the Omaha coordinator. My role with PSI is to help link women with community resources. Please feel free to check these links out and if you have any questions, I am available as a local resource
My main goal is to help mothers to feel less alone when the transition to motherhood isn't easy. Take care of yourself and if I can be of help in any way, please let me know.
Jen
OMG. I totally remember feeling like I had totally ruined my relationship with my mama's boy. He wanted nothing to do with me and steered clear of me. He'd totally bury himself in pbskids.org and I'd let him play that for hours. It took about a month for me to feel like we were really back to normal (or our new normal) relationship. I was always feeding Amelie and never had time to just run around and play with him like I had before. And if I could, I just didn't want to because I was sooo tired. I was soooo ridiculously in love with Amelie and I still have some guilt that I didn't allow myself to admit my ppd/ppa with Owen so i didn't ever get to truly enjoy him when he was a little little guy. I was too caught up with trying to make myself not freak out 24/7. I still have guilt left from that and probably will for a while yet.
When Amelie would cry Owen would cry and that drove me nuts. It felt like I was jumping out of my skin. It was so awful so I'd just leave the room for a few minutes with them both crying. Once I kind of figured Amelie out it got a bit better but it took a couple of weeks for that. Owen started being able to handle her crying after about a month but he still has moments where he freaks out if she starts crying and I'm instantly taken back to those first few days when the ppd/ppa was so strong and since I was already on meds I thought it was just going to be like that forever. There were a few days when I took a double dose and I don't think it felt any different, which was hugely disappointing.
So I don't think I really can say anything more than assure you that it will get better, but fhuk. I know what it's like and I feel absolutely horrible that you're going through this. It's the worst feeling ever and I wish nobody ever had to deal with it. Looking back it seems like so long ago already but it was sooo strong and so incredibly overwhelming. I hope Nick understands that this is serious and that he's picking up some major slack.
Big hugs to you lady. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and I wish there was a surefire way to make it stop. If there is, I'm unaware of it. You know you can vent to me all you want or need. It's a horrible place to be and I'm so sorry you're there. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.