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i feel bad... kinda (long, sorry!)
So I have a total of 6 cousins on both side. 2/6 are girls and only 1 of the 2 I like. They are both having babies. One I'm throwing a babyshower for because she lives over here and we're SUPER close. The other one I didn't plan on doing anything for. One is having a girl, one is having a boy. The one having a boy is the one that wrote that racist thing online.. and she is the one that I'm not really doing anything for..
Anyway, my family is irritated that I refuse to go to Chelan on a Sunday for a 3pm babyshower to celebrate her. H works that night and I work in the morning...
When I told her I was getting married and told her our wedding date, it was 13 months before the wedding. She instantly told me she wouldn't be able to make it because it's a Saturday and her brother works...um, what does that have to do with her and her SO? Also, I'm pretty sure he works at a mini mart or the like. I'm sure he could have got a day off with 13 months advance notice. I've never liked her anyway because she is just really different than me and we just don't get a long. We have nothing in common and I find her annoying.
So the dilemma... now I feel bad because she has no money and it seems that no one is going to her baby shower.
Would you buy her something to help?
we're having twins!
Re: i feel bad... kinda (long, sorry!)
I would send a gift off the registry and call it good. Wait, is that this weekend? If it's short notice, I'd definitely say send a gift, but if you have a lot of notice and could ask for the day off, I'd do that.
I would go to a shower for family even if I wasn't close to them - unless it was super short notice or unless I couldn't get out of something (including the work that you are scheduled for).
TTC #2 for a million years: SA normal, CD 23 bloodwork shows nothing amiss, ovulation detected. Next step: ? maybe CD3 bloodwork to check eggs? All out of pocket, so limited IF tests/treatments.
ok, this is my morning nest time, so I'll reply
My answer: no I would not go, no I would not feel bad for her, no I would not send her anything. It's totally her right to act any way and say anything she wants, however, the 'consequences' are alienating people. She can't force you to be nice to her after insulting you. Don't feel bad
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It's one thing if you weren't going just b/c it's inconvenient, but you are not going b/c she thinks racism is funny. You do have to consider what involvement you'd like in the baby's life, though, and include that factor in your decision making (now and in the future) about spending time with his mother.
I would send a gift that is a necessity, but not attend.
Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
it's definitely a dilemma because it involves family. if it's last minute, i definitely would not go. i would send a small necessity gift (a pack of bottles? diapers?) and call it good. even if it wasn't last minute...i'd be hesitant.
FWIW, i have a cousin i don't get along with, and i didn't go to her las vegas wedding (it was a "real" wedding, not a quickie wedding). i was the only cousin that didn't go, even with 8+ months notice. i went to her AHR though.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
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jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
I guess in regards to my response, you can keep in mind that I'm not really close with any of my cousins. We live in different states for the most part and the ones that do live here are much younger than me, so I didn't grow up like some people do with cousins who are best friends. That said, I don't feel obligated to be in a relationship with them just because we're related - I have lots of friends that I would consider to be closer than family, I don't see anything wrong with that. And I do have family members who are racist and I choose not to engage them, I don't think I've lost anything and/or feel responsible to participate in their lives.
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amanda- this is exactly why we aren't close. i don't feel obligated either but my grandma/uncle and people try to make me feel bad all the time. i agree, my friends are the family i choose.
about some one's response earlier (i don't remember who it is, it may be amanda but i'm sorry i didn't quote it) i don't plan to be in the baby's life... i probably won't ever see him. she doesn't come over here and i'm not going out of my way to visit her.. even if i go to lake chelan with friends, i wouldn't even stop at her house.
Like PP have said, I wouldn't go, wouldn't feel bad about not going, and send a small necessity gift (diapers, butt rash cream, bottles, etc...)
Actually, I'd just send a whole bunch of butt rash cream with a passive aggressive note..
this is why we love you.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
ditto, this is awesome
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