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I'm with Snippy re: Italy
OK, so I will start by admitting that I haven't done anything all that touristy, and the Italians we've met/talked to have been nice and helpful (although that's because FH speaks Italian, if he didn't, I don't think I'd have gotten far enough to have experienced that).
BUT... I'm still not a fan of Italy. I know that we are here to plan a wedding, which is always stressful, so it's not like I expected to think it was so romantic and wonderful, but damn, I didn't think it would suck so bad, either!
First off, we're in the middle of a major heat wave. Bologna is currently hotter than Sicily FFS! FH's aunt doesn't have A/C, which is to be expected. But she doesn't even have fans, either. Or screens, of course. So add lots of heat and humidity to the mix, and it's a recipe for disaster. I have been eaten alive by mosquitoes (despite going through a can of repellent in 4 days) and so basically am constantly a mixture of sweaty, sticky, itchy, swollen and I smell like chemicals. Anti-inflamatories, cortisone cream and repellent are quite the heady mix, I tell ya.
Then, we go to see where the tailor/seamstress the wedding planner found for us (she wouldn't tell us where she was, so we got suspicious). She is a 40 minute drive outside Bologna. We were almost in Modena!! Not sure why she couldn't find someone closer. But at least it was actually a bridal store, which was more than I expected.
Finally, and worst of all, we had to cancel the hair/makeup trials due to paperwork issues. For some stupid reason, the wedding planner found us someone to do our hair outside of Pisa (in an even smaller town you've never heard of). So we were supposed to travel 3 hours each way for a hair and makeup trial. WHAT THE HELL!!!! They are going to have to come to us in September because that is just a load of crap.
Anyway, back to the biggest drama...the missing paperwork.
MAY
FH is registered as an Italian citizen in NJ where his parents live, and that house is between the Newark and Philadelphia consulates of Italy. So his district changes every now and again as his house goes back and forth. He called Newark and they told him he was registered in Philly, so he took a day off work to go to Philly. He got there and told him he was registered in Newark. So that is a wasted day, as each consulate is only open 3 hours a day.
The next working day him and I go to the consulate in Newark. They say they can't do anything, because we don't have an appointment (we couldn't make one because by the time FH realized he had to go to Newark, they were closed for a day). So they are "nice" and tell us to come back on Thursday with 4 witnesses. The niceness has to do with giving us an appointment so soon.
Thursday we arrive with 4 witnesses who say they know me and I'm not married. Despite it being a form document, this takes over 2 hours. We had to sign two copies, but do they print out two copies? No. One copy, then they go back, print them again and bring out another.
However, during all of this, they told us that the ONLY thing we needed was a certificate saying that they had published that we were getting married for 2 weeks and no one objected. We asked for a "delega," which we had been told we needed, but they said no, this was all we needed. So 2 weeks after we did all those signatures, FH's mom went and picked up the publication certificate.
AUGUST
So we go to city hall in Bologna with our passports, my apostille'd birth certificate (birth certificate, translated into Italian, which needs to have an affidavit saying it's a true translation, which has to be notarized by someone, then the city clerk and THEN the consulate), and this certificate saying that we are both unmarried, they published that we were getting married for 2 weeks and no one had any objections.
They say it's not enough. We need a delega (that document we asked for in Newark and were told we didn't need). We beg and explain we live in Turkmenistan and are only in Italy for 4 days, can you please make an appointment anyway, blah blah. So they give us a conditional appointment to use the Sala Rossa to get married on Sept. 30. But we need to have the delega in by Sept. 10. The delega is a delegation of authority by Newark to Bologna giving them permission to marry us (because FH is registered in Newark, supposedly only they are allowed to marry him).
So we call FH's parents and ask them to go to the Newark consulate. We also email the consulate, copying in Bologna city hall saying that we need this delega. Newark's response is that they won't do it unless Bologna city hall asks for it. Bologna responds to the email saying that they confirm that it is the people getting married who must ask for it.
We go back to Bologna city hall because they don't answer the phone. We haven't received any response from Newark, either. Naturally they don't answer their phone. We leave messages, we have the Bologna city hall person leave a message and email, etc. The person in Bologna was nice and said if Newark doesn't respond favorably, they will write a letter to the Minister of Foreign Affairs saying that the Newark consulate refuses to give delegas. This would get everyone fired (supposedly).
At this point we have had FH's mom go to Newark twice, we've gone to City Hall in Bologna twice and there is still no resolution. This is just in the past 2 days. All we can do at this point is hope that Newark gives in and gives us this damn document. Otherwise, no marriage for us. Which will REALLY piss me off if I'm spending 30k in this country to have a wedding and it's all just fake and we leave not being married!!!!
*** end of rant ***
So for now all I can say about Italy is that I can see how it'd be nice enough for a short stay, but actually trying to get something done here is a nightmare. Although for old medieval cities I still think I prefer Prague or Krakow to Bologna. I like old and dirty, but they take it a bit far here. We were dodging smeared dog sh!t in the middle of the street for like 20 feet in the middle of the city and there is graffiti absolutely everywhere. Not cool.
Not sure I'll be any more relaxed on the next trip here, so maybe my love for Italy will begin once we are just coming for visits.
Re: I'm with Snippy re: Italy
Cecilia arrived 12 October 2012
I'm sorry that you are going through all this stress, planning a wedding
It does all work out, but they really love to see you sweat first 
. Sadly, there is a perfect German movie for you to watch right now, called "Maria, He Doesn't Like It," which pretty much sums up what you're going through right now. I'm sure you could use a little comic relief 
FH's mom is so pissed, she has asked a family friend who was a former ambassador to the UN for Italy to tell us who to speak with at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. When his mom gets pissed she won't let things go, so she is now going to be all over Newark's a$$!
More good news, the swelling on my eye has gone down (mosquito bite on my eyelid had me looking like a freak yesterday).
FH is confident that things will start moving quickly once we get the MFA involved, so things should be fine by Sept. 10. Fingers crossed....
Thanks for all the kind words everyone.
Oh man, Jetur. I totally feel you right now. We planned our wedding in Calabria last December. It was a nightmare. I thought it was just the south, but I guess it's all of Italy.
We got there a month before the wedding, since everything has to be done in person. God forbid any Italian department or business have a working website! DH spent three straight weeks running from place to place trying to get things taken care of.
We did our civil marriage in Canada and the consulate there sent the document to the city council in Cosenza. SIX MONTHS later when we are in Italy for our church wedding, we go to the city council to make sure everything's in order. DH walks in and gives his name, they say, "Oh! You're the guy!" Turns out they got a phone call, but needed to see the document. They didn't even know how to USE EMAIL where the document sat. Of course, they never thought to alert us to the problem over half a year. The one time someone tried something was when the council member called the emergency phone number for the Canadian consulate. Not understanding time zones or emergencies, she woke the consul office manager up at 3am with her absurd question.
And that was just one of the many, many issues we had. Between priests, nulla ostas, marriage certificates, caterers, favors, photographers....you name it, it was a headache.
Then there are the guests.... Italians don't RSVP to invitations. You have to go to their house, have something to drink and something to eat, talk for an hour or so, and THEN you can ask if they are coming or not. To which they will certainly reply that they aren't yet sure (when the wedding is days away).
Luckily, everything turned out ok in the end. Italians might be a PIA, but they do usually pull through when the going gets tough. I just hope things get better for you. I can't imagine dealing with all this when you're not even in the country.
Good luck! Don't stress too much! Good American-efficiency vibes being sent your way!
Yup, totally sounds like Italy. People are shocked that I don't miss living there. Pretty sure that most of the honeymooners who go there stick to enough touristy stuff and keep their rose-colored glasses on so they don't really notice the reality.
I would recommend visiting and exploring Italy, and I'll probably go back to do that with BabyD (and siblings) especially when older, but I would only recommend living in Italy if you know it's temporary (3 years, max). Good experience that needs to have a finite end point. Told DH he could do another tour in Italy, at a specific command, but that we would live on base. I don't particularly want to have to deal with the full-fledged living on the economy there again.
Sorry your wedding planning is having so many bumps. Hope everything gets settled soon and leads to an amazing wedding day.
Sorry you are going through this, I hope it all works out quickly!
Anytime people visit somewhere they don't see the reality of living there, they are two very different things, whether it is Italy or London or NYC or middle of nowhere America.
Ok, not trying to compete or anything, but I swear to the Baby Jesus, life in the south is far more "special" and 2.5yrs into it, I'm still smiling.
You'll probably block all future messages from me, but if my time here has taught me anything, it's that it'll work in the end. I PROMISE!
I know, I swear I know, that is not what a bride wants to hear. But I bet you euros on the dollar, you'll be legit married pre-going. They're just screwing w/ you b/c that's how they roll. No need to tell me how frustrating it is... see above 2.5yrs, baby.
Truly and sincerely, Sept is usually lovely (weather-wise) and I'm also willing to bet the humidity (there anyway, it'll still suck here, rest assured) will calm down by next week and/or 01 Sept. You think I'm nuts, but again I swear to the BJ that weather legitimately changes (like a switch) in Sept.
Again, realize you probably think I sound pyscho, but I promise to bits it'll work. I'm sorry things are so frustrating and hope things get easier. GL
And if there is anything I can do (doubtful, but hey), please let me know! Hang in there! Half the charm of Italy is you gotta work. Which is probably why so many people find it too hard for vacay.
And as a loving PS-- seriously, wrt dog-poo-- you ain't (and it takes strong emotion for me to bust out the ain'ts) seen nothin' yet in Bologna. Lucy (my dog) actually commented, in English, on how clean Bologna was compared to our neighborhood (pretty nice) in Napoli. She mentioned that walking around felt like being at the doggy spa.