Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o Grandparent funeral
H and I have had a discussion about who's going if it's my grandmother's time. We live 15-18hrs away (flying, not driving). With the distance and cost (3 plane tickets), we have agreed to be just me going if something happens to my grandmother.
Reading the other post and everyone suggesting for the hubby to go as well, I'm questioning our decision.
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Re: s/o Grandparent funeral
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
a 15-18 hour flight from another country is much different then drving for a day or a couple hours... i commented on the other post.. and honestly if we were living 15 hours away by plane. i would probably be going myself. its very expensive to fly 3 from that far away/
This. Both DH and I's families live (at least the majority) live about 6 hours away. However, when my grandfather was very sick, and hospice was coming, he was staying with my parents about 12 hours away (They drove for 24 hours straight to get him home the day before he died). When he was dying, and I wanted to go see him one last time, we could only afford one plane ticket to fly down and see him at my parents' (we knew that if we waited until he got home, we wouldn't get there before he was gone). While DH would've given anything to be there, he was supportive of me by sacrificing some of our savings (this was a joint decision, but it wasn't cheap at the last minute) to allow me to go and by also taking care of things at home, knowing that when I got home, we'd be getting the phone call any time that he was gone.
I truly believe that support comes in many forms, not just by physically being there. I think if a spouse is able to physically be there, they should be in situations like this. However, if there are extenuating circumstances, than as long as they are there emotionally, that's what matters.
This.
My H and I drove 20 hours straight for my grandfathers funeral in July! I was very close to my grandfather and I couldn't get enough time off to do the drive myself, as I couldn't drive that straight by myself. We drove both ways in 4 days.
I couldn't have made the funeral without him!
I didn't go to DH's grandfather's funeral. He and his family understood.
I had never met DH's grandfather. I had only met his father and step mother 3 times at that point in time.
I was not allowed work berevement leave for my husband's grandparent--only my grandparent. My uncle had died a few weeks prior (unexpectedly) and I had to take unpaid time off work to attend his funeral. DH's grandfather's funeral was out of town-a 5 hour drive, so it was not like I could stop by the funeral home for a few hours after work. We were not in a position for me to take unpaid time off work. It was the same year we had gotten married so all of my vacation days were used for the wedding and honeymoon. My boss was very stict with the rules so she would not allow me to take the days and make the time up elsewhere. Also DH was allowed 4 days off work so he wanted to spend time with his father, so it's not like we could have driven together.
DH did not attend my uncle's funeral with me. He lived a 5 hour flight from where we live. Even with berevement fares, flights were very pricey. DH did not have vacation time and could not take leave. He had met my uncle once. My family understood.
When my grandfather died two years ago, I drove the 16 hours myself to be with family and go to the funeral while DH stayed home. He had just started a new job after a VERY long layoff, and didn't want to take any time off so soon. There were a few moments where I was wishing he was there with me, but for the most part I focused on my family members and on coming to terms with our loss.
In your situation, I would absolutely make the same choice you did, without any second thought.