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Bad day yesterday.
I wish there was a common understanding among medical professionals that medicine wouldn't send bills for bad medical events. When I was going through the miscarriage, I didn't think about medical expenses. Now it rips my heart out each time I get a bill. I would probably still have the D&C, but it makes my jaw drop how much it costs.
So, on top of writing a check for the ultrasound that confirmed my miscarriage Monday night, Tuesday I walk into the hospital to find one of my patients was not as stable as we thought and is likely actively dying.
I ended up walking around the mall, going to Costco, and taking a long bath, so the day ended up a little better.
I got my period last week and I'm not going to lie, I'm a little scared. I want more than anything to have a healthy pregnancy, but I'm also scared of getting pregnant and having another miscarriage. There was a girl on the loss board that had 6 miscarriages. Work up has found out why, but she's still trying. I have a fear that will be me one day. I know the odds are in my favor of having a healthy pregnancy the next time, but it still scares the crap out of me. Then I'm so impatient. The first day I tested last time was the day my period was due. It was negative, but I hope I can be more patient for whenever the next time comes.
Sorry this turned so long.
Thanksgiving, 2011
Amanda & Joe, June 28, 2008
Blog of Randomness
BFP 6/10/11; Missed m/c at 5wk6d; D&C 7/18/11, Triploidy BFP 11/24/11, please be our sticky baby
Re: Bad day yesterday.
I'm so sorry Amanda. I wish I could take you out for coffee or something to talk all of this out. :-(
It sounds like you could really use a HUGE HUG! *huuuuuuuggggggggggg*
I can't imagine the pain of having gone through a M/C and then having to see the bills come in from it. It seems like rubbing salt in the wound. I can imagine that it's not a very nice reminder of what happened, not that you'll ever forget.
T&P's for you and DH that you'll be able to get pregnant again, have a healthy pregnancy, and have a healthy baby. I hope that you will have had your one and only miscarriage, and that you are still able to enjoy your next pregnancy without too much additional stress and worry.
Sorry to hear about your patient, hopefully things go smoothly and painlessly for him/her during their final moments.
It's okay to be long, sometimes it needs to be.
Are you a follower of CorysWife's blog? She went through a lot of the same emotions you're describing... I remember her writing about the bills and everything.
I'm sorry you had a rough day... hope tomorrow is much better
Our crazy, wonderful life
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know exactly how you feel. My d&c was a nightmare evening (on top of all the emotions, the hospital kept me there way late, they forgot to give me rhogam, which I didn't realize until we were on the way home and had to go BACK to the ER which was another 2 hours. We initially left the house around 6:30/7 and didn't get home for good until 5 am!).
The bills were the worst reminder. Then, because of the ER visit I had to call the insurance company, try to deal with the hospital, and finally the head of the ob practice took over the fight. (Basically since the nurse forgot to give me the shot, the ER told me I wouldn't be charged for the ER visit. Of course... I got charged!)
The fear of it happening was the worst. I, too, worried that I would be like the women who share their heartbreaking stories of multiple m/c. But, those are more rare cases. I tried to stay positive. When we were given the go ahead to start trying again, it took 4 months to get pg. Then, a whole new fear set in. Honestly, my fear of something didn't disappear until she was in my arms.
A m/c is an awful experience that has so much baggage with then the bills arriving just when you think you've coped with it all.
You'll get through it.
This exactly. Thank you.