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Not again...
My husband and I met when we were both active duty Navy. I am now out of the military, and he recently finished his active duty time and is now reserves. We got married in March of this year, so are enjoying our newleywed time. We have been through deployments in our relationship, and of course we were happy that we wouldn't have to be apart anymore when he got out of active duty.
Anyways, his chain of command gave him the OPTION to go on a deployment next summer for 9 months to Iraq and do security work. At first his thoughts were "No way, I did my active duty time and I'm done". But now he has been saying it might be a good idea for us to talk about it. He never got to actually see combat while he was active duty, and I know it's something he has wanted to do. I don't want to hold him back, but I feel like we already made sacrifices in our relationship and now it's our turn to be a normal couple...
Am I being selfish? What would you do?
Re: Not again...
I wouldn't call you selfish about this, because I can definitely understand why you wouldn't want him to deploy at alone, let alone choose to do it when you thought you were done with them.
However if it's something that he really wants to do, I think you should at least hear him out and discuss it with him. A lot of H's friends that only did their 4 years and got out regretted getting out and wanted to get back in, so I could definitely see a possibility of him having lasting regret if he doesn't do this.
However, your comment " we've already made sacrifices in our relationship and now it's our turn to be a normal couple" is the thing that strikes me as selfish. I'm sure most military couples would love to "be a normal couple" and not have to worry about deployments, or know that they will both be able to come home every night. I would love if H didn't have to deploy, but that's his job and that's what he loves, so I know he wouldn't be happy with it. If this is something your H really wants to do, then I think it would be selfish not to consider it.
I can totally understand where you're coming from. There's always those fears with deployments along with the time apart. I also understand your husband's perspective because I know that DH believes that what makes you a soldier is deploying to combat. Even though DH's deployment isn't always enjoyable, it was still necessary for him to feel like he's fulfilled what he signed on to do.
What are your major concerns? His well-being? The unwanted time apart? Do you think he might choose to go back to Navy as a career?
Photo bomb, yeah!
Pretty much all of those are my concerns lol. I mean I totally understood what being in the military/being a military wife meant before we got married, but I just thought that time of our lives was over for good when we both got out. But obviously I wouldn't say "No you aren't going!" if he really wanted to. And of course I will sit down with him and we will talk about it. I guess it just kind of came out of nowhere and took me by surprise that he would even consider it. Thanks for the comments though!
BTW I am brand new to the site and love it so far
I totally get where you're coming from. I haven't been through any deployments yet, but I know they're ahead. I'm sure if I believed we were done, and then found out he might leave for 9 more months, it would be a lot harder to reacclimiate myself to the idea then when you're expecting it!
What's the benefit beyond just him seeing some combat? Is it worth it in the long run for the money and other benefits you'd both get? I think I'd have to be much more logical and clinical about the decision - if he was going to make the same amount deploying that he would in a civilian job while staying home, then I don't know that it would be worth the sacrifice as a couple. However, if those 9 months could help you both reach some mutual goal, like owning a home or putting money away to have a child, then it might be well worth it.
I think I would be equally as shocked if I thought we were done too. It would be a transition for your H to want to go into the military again but he's jumping straight into a deployment. Not to mention, DH is in Iraq right now and as more and more troops leave, it makes me feel like the remaining troops are more vulnerable even though that may not necessarily be the case. Does that make sense? Hopefully everything works out for you one way or another but you can always come here to vent
Also, you got married exactly 1 week before me!
Photo bomb, yeah!
Granted, this deployment is seemingly optional, but just because this one is, doesn't mean that the next one may not.
look, I would not want my husband to deploy right now...given that we have 11 months till he retires and I too see the light at the end of the tunnel. But at the same time, I understand that this his job, what all their training is for...and for many it's a let down to not use that training.
Yay, March weddings rock
Well he still isn't sure what his decision will be, but I told him whatever he thinks he should do I will support him. Men are just as confusing as us lol.