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Ugh, friend's marriage is ending
Well, my BFF since childhood is on the verge of ending her 12-year marriage after her husband found out about a one-time affair she had back in April. She's been unhappy for a long time - they married young, they grew apart, she's changed, he's changed, etc. They have a 3-year-old little boy and the husband is desperate to save the marriage but she's done. They're going to be going to counseling (should've done it months ago) but I think that is just for her to justify why they shouldn't be together. I feel bad for everyone involved here. The husband is a nice guy, slightly immature, but he's a good dad and treats her well, so this isn't an easy process for him, understandably. He doesn't get why she's miserable. I didn't think they should've gotten married in the first place and this is why. I had a feeling this would all happen some time down the road, because she had a lot of other issues going on when they ran off and eloped and I think she was just looking for an escape.
I love her, we're like sisters, but I feel bad for everyone involved here, which sucks. I don't want to be judgemental, and I'm not in her shoes so who am I to make judgements anyway, but I'm just trying to help her move this forward in a way that keeps them on decent enough terms so they can both raise their son in a mature, peaceful way. Also, since infidelity was involved, I'm concerned about a future cutody battle. Any advice for how I can be objective but supportive here?
Re: Ugh, friend's marriage is ending
Yeah, this is good advice. While he is a good guy, he's not the guy I would've married AT ALL and sometimes I find myself biting my tongue to keep from saying "I knew it" when she lists all the issues she has with him. But I do catch myself agreeing with her on some of those things. I'll try and stop that because, honestly, this is not his fault and we both know that. I think it makes her feel better to say all the things she thinks are wrong to try and make herself feel better but I just want her to treat him with respect.
Oh gosh, I don't think she's even thought about that yet. And, since the husband thinks he can still save this marriage I doubt that's even crossed his mind either. But I'll keep that in mind when we talk next if they do decide to move forward with divorce. Thanks!
I'm not even sure how I would bring it up, but given that you mention infidelity, that was my first thought. Especially for your friend who doesn't seem to think she wants to make it work. I think knowing something about your rights is always a good thing. Of course, I also wouldn't want to be the one to suggest pushing in that direction. I guess all you can do is wait and see.