Northern California Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
"One upping" -kind of a vent
What is the deal with people "one upping" each other? I used to have some friends that were also trying to outdo each other and it got really petty and obsessive, so I stopped spending much time with them.
Then today, my husband posted on FB something about working a 10 hour day, and all of his friends are just using his status to tell him about themselves or people they know that work more than 10 hour days on a regular basis. What's the point of that? Is it supposed to make Nick feel bad for not wanting to work 10 hours or make him feel better like he's not alone?
Maybe I'm just being over-sensitive today. Do you ever have to deal with people that do this one upping business? Irritating, or is it just me?
Re: "One upping" -kind of a vent
i have a friend that does that with her kids. my other friend tells me that she rather not even mention her kids accomplishments around the 'braggy' friend because then it turns out to be something about HER kids...
drives me nuts!!!
Ugh, I can't stand it either! I have a few friends that treat everything as though there is a competition between us. It really sucks because it makes me not want to share my life with them lest everything in it be treated as better or worse than theirs.
As for the FB responses, if they're anything like me they want to share that they've "been there" so they give their own story, not trying to but it can come off as one upping.
when it's a bunch of people doing that "i worked 10 hours" "well I worked 14" "i work 36" "i never stop working" stuff I call it "a rousing game of dueling dysfunctionals" and that usually kills it.
when it goes the other way i say something about how nice it must be for their kids to peak at such an early age. (or whatever) not nice, but effective.
Yeah that's what I was going to say too. It's my attempt at empathizing and letting people I understand what they're going through. I can see how it might be misinterpreted as "one upping" though and I hope that's not how it's seen when I do it :-/ I need to learn that sometimes, all I need to say is "I'm sorry you're having a bad day!"
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I just want to clarify that sympathizing and sharing your past experience is very different from what I was seeing yesterday. It was clearly not a sympathetic tone at all.
When people share their past experiences and sympathize, it really is appreciated! I'm sorry if that came across weird.
I know you know!
I was just getting worried that my attempts to sympathize in general might be interpreted as this one-upping behavior. I do see what I consider one-upping too and it's definitely annoying!
This! I hate one-uppers, but expressing sympathy/empathy is very different.
On a related note, Brian Regan, my favorite stand-up comedian, has a sketch about this. He calls it the "me-monster." Here's the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruBUSZ2ctyw
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