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May I freak out a little?
Sorry, this is a vent.
A few months ago I felt really, really ready to start trying for a kiddo this fall. I know I want kids at some point. I've never really known when a good point would be, but I felt like this would be a good time to start. Dh and I set October, which is just around the corner.
In my typical fashion, I'm freaking out.
What if my pregnancy is really hard, and I'm on bedrest? Or what if I just do the embarrassing pregnancy stuff, like throw up and fart and cry in the middle of court? What if i don't like my kid? What if there's a problem- will we be able to handle that? What if DH and I start struggling in our marriage again and we split up after we have a kid?
FYI, I know how ridiculous this sounds.
But seriously, I have nobody to talk to. If I talk to DH about it he takes that as me not wanting to have kids, and he gets discouraged and feels like it will never happen.
Everytime I think about getting pregnant now my stomach goes into knots and I feel sick. I just don't know how to make myself feel better about this...
Re: May I freak out a little?
Alright, I'll answer with a confession. DH and I were not trying. I was more than shocked when I found out I was pregnant. I had a hard time getting excited, and honestly felt like I faked it sometimes. One of my first thoughts when I found out I was pregnant was guilt, because there are so many who are trying and having a hard time. When they laid her on me when she was born, I had a moment of "holy crap, that's really a baby." I've heard this is surprisingly normal. The more women I start this discussion with, the more I hear I'm not alone in it. My aunt said she had the same issues, and her daughter is 20-she had never told anyone. Just because everyone seems really happy and excited doesn't mean they aren't crapping their metaphorical pants at the same time.
No, you don't sound ridiculous. You sound like you're trying to think out every possible scenario. But when does every possible scenario happen? Next to never. What if you have a really easy pregnancy? What if you cry in court anyways and can't blame it on hormones (and for real, just say hormones and men back down).
Now that I'm a mom, I can't imagine it any other way. I hit the baby jackpot and have a baby who is happy 99% of the time (she cries mainly when you stop feeding to burp, and that's about it). There are so many what ifs in life, but what if you never find out because of fear? That would be the worst one.
I hope you can find some resolution to your struggle.
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Amanda pretty much said everything I was going to, so mine won't be too long. If you want a child and have one, you WILL love him/her. You might need time to build a relationship with the baby, be fully comfortable, and bond with him/her, but it will happen.
Things happen when your pregnant, good and bad. Farts happen, crying happens, so does peeing your pants when you sneeze, but you find ways to get by with it, conceal it, and it ends up not (usually) being that bad. You'll find what works for you to help you feel better, whether it's constantly snacking, taking anti-nausea meds, etc. Some of you fears may happen, some won't.
It's not the easiest or more glamorous time, but it's SO worth it. I don't even have a LO yet and I already know it's worth it. You'll feel LO move inside you, see sonograms, and you'll be amazed.
Try to focus on the positive things! If/when you decide to have children, you will make it through, most likely with minimal embarrassment.
P.S.- I'm super good at concealing farts, but man does my poop smell different when pregnant!
Why isn't there a laughing icon?
This is exactly why I specifically tried not to think of all those things before getting pregnant. DH is the planner in our relationship and thinks everything out; he probably can totally relate to what you're saying. Our ttc journey got delayed several times because of this - but that was okay. Now that it's happened, he's happily planning for February instead of 15 years from now etc. Not even sure that makes sense.
But yes, there are plenty of times when I am totally scared sh!tless. And please use us as a place to talk and ask those questions.
For example - while I'm pretty gassy, it isn't like I have to fart all the time, and normally can control until I'm alone. It's also mostly an evening adventure.
You find creative ways to do thinks like eat at abnormal times. Have things in your pockets, briefcase, desk drawer, where ever that you can eat on the fly. When you're ready, just bug us for tips.
Maybe instead of venting to DH you can tell him what you need from him? Like, "I need you to hear how scared I am about having a child, not because I don't want to, but because I'm going to need extra support and as my main support system I want you to be prepared." Typically guys like solving problems, so he may be able to hear it differently this way. Good luck on your journey, whatever you decide!
So, I think it's OK to be scared. I think it's more than OK to go into it with a lot of questions. I think that's normal.
I really wanted and tried to get pregnant. Baby was due this past Tuesday and I am most definitely freaking out. My life will never be the same. What if I'm a bad parent? What if .... There are so many what if's.
I think it is normal to freak out. It is a major decision. Don't feel bad about worrying. And don't feel pressured.