August 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I need adivce!!!!!!
My husband and I went and picked our son up yesterday after he had spent alittle over two weeks down state with his mom's parents. As we were leaving my MIL pulled me aside and explained that she had my son help her clean out his uncle old room while she did some laundry in the basement.
Well aparently he found his uncle's porn stash and now my 11 yr old son is asking me questions about oral sex and a few other things I am not comfortable discussing with him.
Am I beinga prude thinking he is too young at 11 to know about sex?
Re: I need adivce!!!!!!
Planning Bio
Married Bio
Honestly, in my opinion, yes, yes you are. Because what he doesn't find out from you, he'll find out from other sources. Do you want him turning to the internet to find out about oral sex?
You can't undo what's been seen - and probably he's a little uncomfortable and curious with what he saw. Personally, I think it's a great sign that he's comfortable enough to ask you any questions about this. If you shut him down though, he will go elsewhere, and he's less likely to turn to you in the future.
Obviously you're not having a conversation about how-tos. OBVIOUSLY. And I know that's where a lot of parents get freaked out over the sex talk. But you can answer take his questions seriously and treat them with respect. When I field questions in class (which happens a lot at the gr 7-9 age), I always respond seriously and clinically. I find it's helpful to think: what would a doctor say in this scenario? You can explain what it is, you can explain the consequences of engaging in that behaviour (STIs, etc), and you can leave it at that.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Planning Bio
Married Bio
From my understanding of young boys, by the age of 11 they probably know a LOT more about sex than you would think. H told me about a song they used to sing on the playground in first grade involving bananas and squirting cream into hairy coconuts
Anyway, I don't think you have to talk about mechanics with him at all. But you can certainly use this as an opportunity to start creating an open dialogue about responsibility and safe sex. That is, assuming you have ok'd that with his mother and your H.
I agree with amandasw that it's better that he hear it from you than anywhere else. If you, his parents, don't talk to him about it now, I guarantee he will get a piecemeal "education" about sex in the schoolyard.
Have they not talked about it in school though? I vaguely remember sex and babies being part of "Family Life" class (health class with a Catholic twist) starting as early as grade 4 (age appropriate, of course).
When I was about his age, my mom and I read "What's Happening To My Body", a great book about puberty and sex (there are boy and girl editions). It was a great guide through that awkward conversation. I can tell you that I loved the experience, and my mom and I really bonded through it. I'm willing to bet that talking about sex feels more awkward for the parent than the kid; the kid only wants to learn.
http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/1557044430
Whether you're a prude or not, the reality is that your son is approaching the age where the kids at school are becoming aware and talking about this stuff. Plus he'll be hitting puberty soon. IMO it would be in his best interest if you start to educate him now, rather than trying to repair damage later from misinformation he may hear from his friends.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
they don't have the sex talk in his school it is a very small church school, and his mother passed away when he was 6 months old in his mind i am his mother. I told him I need to have alittle bit of time to think on how to discuss this with him and then me or his dad will discuss it with him.
Am I a bad stepmom that part of me hopes he picks his dad to give the talk to him?
as for the playground I am not really worried about that he is the oldest child in the school and the only other boy is going into second grade.
Oh and DH and decided just before we got married that for all purposes I take the mothers role in all things. I go to doctors appointments, I had the discussion about why he needed deoderant, and now aprently I will be fielding sex.
lol well I intend on making H talk to the kid if it's a boy - I'll talk to them if it's a girl, seems only fair
Plus, on a serious note, I think it's important for boys to talk to their dad's about this kind of thing because well, your H was an 11yo boy at one point. I can't relate very well to an 11yo boy and I think he'd get the best info (medically and socially) from a dad.
Planning Bio
Married Bio
If he's not getting it from school, it's even more important that you and your husband open the lines of conversation with him and have honest talks about healthy sexuality and puberty. If he's not going to get it from you and your husband or from school, he'll turn to friends. And if he can't turn there, where else is left? The media? The sex talk is about so much more than "this is where a penis goes", it's about teaching self respect and respect for others. The more education kids have about healthy sexuality, the less likely they are to engage in risky behaviour.
It's probably important for you, as well, to figure out how you can deal with your own discomfort here. You're obviously squeamish about talking about sex with him, so why is that? Address your own fears first and then put his to rest, because it's important that both you and your husband can talk about it without making him feel badly about asking the questions. The bigger the deal you make out of this though, the more scared he's going to get and again, you're dealing with shut-out.
I like ringy's idea of getting him a book. Read it yourself first though, so you're prepared to answer any follow-up questions that he might have. Part of being a parent is dealing with the tough questions head on.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Sorry, I misread your original post. I thought you said SS was visiting at his mom's house when he found the stash. Since you are the primary mother-figure in his life, you and your H should obviously decide how to handle this jointly. I think it would be totally fine if your H handled any questions or discussions with him.
You guys don't need to prepare a slide show for him or anything - in my opinion, all you need to do is to make sure he knows it is ok to have questions, and that he can continue to come to you with these questions. Treating sex as if it is dirty and an off-limit discussion topic is likely to backfire.
kaesha, how'd you get to be so smart?
I was going to say everything she said. Without you the kids get some really ridiculous ideas I can give you a girl example: When you get your period you're old enough to have sex, but you can't use a tampon until you're 18. (this from a 5th grade girl)
I do think it was good that you are going to talk to your husband about it, because you should both be on the same page on what you're telling him.