So I'm not angry anymore :)

Thank you ladies so much for your advice/opinions you all shared with me yesterday.  I appreciate it and it calmed me down a lot to hear that 1.I'm not crazy for being annoyed and 2. I needed to look at it from another angle.  Sometimes in the heat of a situation it helps to have an outsider say "hey, remember, to her he's her old friend, not your SO..."  Those words helped tremendously.

I needed to vent and it helped me a lot.  I know VERY well that it's wrong to be snoopy and that it's just looking for trouble, and that was my bad.  The heart of my anger was that she suggested he lie to me.  That's just rude and wrong on many levels.  He and I have talked extensively about this (because communication is not and has never been a problem for us) and I know it upset him that she would suggest he do that.  He told her to not ever ask him to lie to me, and when she said she was just joking, he told her it wasn't funny if she was and that he would never do that.  (For the record, he told her that before knowing I knew anything.)

She is needy and (in his words) neurotic and expects to be able to have full access to her friends at all times.  SO told her a few months ago he was not comfortable with that and needed to scale it back, both for himself and his ability to build something special with me, and for her to find someone special out there as well.  He realized that she leaned on him a little too much to be healthy and he put a stop to it.  After a few weeks she pushed those limits that HE (not me, and not by my control) had set as comfortable for him and so he re-established those boundaries.  He didn't say they couldn't be friends, I didn't say they couldn't be friends, no one said anything about not being friends.  He just said there needed to be a limit.  I think it has turned in to a Monday & Friday thing because it's about as equal as you can get in an odd # of days week. 

I don't care if they talk occassionally...frankly, it's amusing to hear the stories about her drama.  I know that SO doesn't want to be married to her again, just like I don't want to be married to my XH.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of that when I start to feel insecure as a person, because I am human and I have moments of insecurity (especially around that time of the month, which is just around the corner).  During their 16 year relationship,  out of which 9 1/2 years they were married, they lived TOGETHER for a total of 4 years.  Great marriage, right?  They DID realize that they were really only rommates/friends, and that led to the divorce.  There wasn't a lot of drama because no one did anything wrong, really, they just realized that they don't work as a team. I need to remember this when I momentarily freak out.  I think I sometimes feel like it went "ok, lets get divorced, but lets continue that same emotional support without the sex & stuff", and I DO think there needs to be a thick line between the emotional support he and I provide for each other and the amount or type of emotional support he provides for ANY of his friends.

Anyway, I'm no longer mad, I realize that there are some things I overreacted about, but I needed some strong women to help me get my head straight.  My real-life bestie can be a bit emotional and that's not what I needed.  Please don't think that my relationship is drama-ridden (it REALLY isn't) and judge me for being drama-ful.  I'm sure I'll call on you guys again to whip my head back in place.