Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Babysitting ? for moms (BR)
I have a new mom ettiquette question: We have no family in the area, and the few women I consider friends are wives from DH's shop. They are who we rely on to watch S when stuff comes us, primarily my drs appointments. Because there are only 3 of us who do not work, I'm always relying on the same two women. Their kids are older so they are able to schedule appointments during school hours, or take their kids along and let them sit quietly while at their appointment. Obviously S's age makes that hard for me.
Should I be paying these women for the times they watch him? I have had a lot of appoints in recent weeks and was planning on sending a thank you to both women with a Starbucks giftcard to thank them for it. I guess I feel like it's something I'd do for them (and have done for some of the other wives, but not these two specifically) and in my mind is part of how military wives support each other. Am I off base with this assumption? I don't want to make enemies or be taking advantage, but don't know a polite way to ask what the custom is for this base/branch, you know?
Re: Babysitting ? for moms (BR)
Do they have hourly care at your base? It might not work for you but it's worth looking into. The one at the post nearest to our house fills up quickly. You have to call 30 days in advance--so that doesn't work for most appointments.
Good luck!
ETA: I forgot how little your baby is. I probably wouldn't do hourly care yet. Personally, if I were a SAHM, and my kids were in school, I would LOVE to watch your LO from time to time. I would ask them, but a four month old is easy for another mom to care for, especially if her kids are in school. It's good to figure out the etiquette though.
I didn't think of it this way. I will go ahead and do the thank you notes with gift cards for this round of favors and then will take Smudge'sMoms advice and ask around before I need any more favors. :-)
Not to beat a dead horse (especially since your LO is so young yet), but you might want to call Children and Youth Services (or whatever your branch calls it) to ask about hourly care. A year ago, I asked at the daycare center at our nearest base and was told that they were full and the wait list prioritized for dual military families. Well, come to find out, they do, in fact, have hourly care! The person I asked, in person, either didn't know or didn't care. (They were sitting at the main counter at the daycare center. Ugh!!)
Don't forget, as military families, we get a free membership to SitterCity.com. Though, this may not be as useful in smaller towns or more remote bases. I have had good luck finding sitters on Sitter City. Though, daytime, irregular sitters are more difficult to come by.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
i don't have experience from your side (yet) but I do have experience from your friends' POV. Back in England, I watched my best friend's little girl a lot for her to go to post-partum appts and even to workout classes. Basically, things that were important to K and things I knew she needed to go to just to clear her head.
I never asked for money and never expected anything in return, especially since I knew we would be moving before I gave birth! One day she took me to a nice tea room and covered the bill, and that was super nice. Nothing I ever anticipated or expected, but certainly appreciated.
I took DS to the CDC on day because I had to go to a spouses event with all the wives from H's flight, so obviously none of them were available to watch him. It was horrible. I put DS down on the floor when we got there and two minutes later when I finished filling out the papers he was SCREAMING. My kid never screams like that unless he's truly hurt, but he was so overwhelmed with all the other crying kids that he just joined in.
Then, the teacher called me an hour later to tell me that DS's diapers were "unacceptable" (we CD) and that I had to bring them sposies. I left my event, went to the commissary to get sposies, dropped them off at the CDC, and went back to my event - it took almost an hour. Then I had to leave again to feed him. When I got back, they made me use the "bonding room" to feed him, which was a bathroom with an extra chair in it. Then the second teacher in the room berated me for not knowing that I needed to bring sposies - again.
To top it all off, we were still swaddling at the time and DS would never sleep without it. They wouldn't swaddle him, but they said that he fell asleep on the floor which means he was probably so overtired and exhausted that he cried on the floor for a while and then passed out. Not cool. I can't bring myself to bring him back there again.
That's what I would do.
We don't have kids yet, but I have watched other people kids, and dogs (like right now). If it's only something once in a while I would never accept money, especially if I offered to do it. But if it was something constant I would probably start getting annoyed if the mom acted unappreciative or like I was being taken advantage of. What about offering to take their kids for a day/night so they can go out for a nice dinner, or even just have some time to go shopping or whatever without kids?
Most of the wives around here are very willing to babysit and help out, especially when the ship is gone. There is one spouse though that took a job almost an hour away, would plaster all over FB the night before or the day of work when she needed a sitter, and then made people feel like crap if nobody offered to babysit. Just don't be that person, and I think you'll be fine.
My friends and I don't pay each other to watch kids. I watch theirs and they watch mine. We do buy each other lunch here or there or little gifts as thank yous. If they watch my kids durring the evening or near a meal time. I send food or order out for everyone. They always do the same.
If you feel the need to do something, I would do a GC for dinner one night and offer to watch their kids. You could also give a GC for a pedi or a good book and a bottle of wine.
Also, I always take J to dr's appointments with me and he just sits in his carrier in the room with me. Is that an option sometimes? Maybe just so you don't feel like you're dropping him off with them as much.
Another option you might want to see is available in your area is drop-in pay-by-the-hour care. There's a chain with a location here called PlayDate that I use when I need to do appointments, get a haircut, etc. Bean's loved it the few times I've had to use them.
I do take S as often as I can. But the downside of where we are stationed now, to see some of the specialist I need to see, its an hr drive one way to get there. 3 hrs in the carseat/carrier is just too long if I have another optio for him. Plus some appointments I can't exactly hold him or take care of him when gets fussy, like the dentist...lol.