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what would you expect in this situation?

DH's cousin calls a couple of weeks ago and says "We are having a surprise party for "T," (her 11 year old daughter) at __________ Restaurant, followed by bowling at a place right down the street."  We tell her we'll be there.

 We go to said party yesterday and have to pay for dinner for ourselves and DS, along with $16 for DS to bowl. If someone says that she and her husband are throwing a party for their kid, wouldn't you assume that they're picking up the tab? DH and I, along with another cousin and his wife were pretty ticked.  It wasn't a party, but rather a go to dinner and pay for yourself and bring the kid a gift thing. This kid normally has a pool party at  home every year and food and drinks are always provided. At the very least, we thought she should have paid for the kids to eat and bowl.

This cousin has a history of inviting people out to celebrate her, her husband's and her mother's bdays every year at expensive, not kid friendly restaurants. She doesn't think twice about the amount of $ she's asking people to spend at these events. We do not go out to celebrate any of the other cousins or their spouses bdays unless it's a milestone year. We've about had it with her at this point!

 

Re: what would you expect in this situation?

  • As an adult, I would expect to pay for myself.  But I would definitely assume she would pay the way for the kids to bowl and eat.  What happens if one of the kids comes without his/her parents and money?  Does that kid just go without?  
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  • At a MINIMUM I would expect the bowling for the kids to be covered. 
  • imagesarasparks:
    As an adult, I would expect to pay for myself.  But I would definitely assume she would pay the way for the kids to bowl and eat.  What happens if one of the kids comes without his/her parents and money?  Does that kid just go without?  
    Her parties are always just family, none of her friends, which we find odd especially as she's getting older.
  • It depends on how it was worded.  If she actually called it a "party," then yes, I would have expected it to be covered. If not, I would have expected to pay for ourselves.
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  • imageNanner:
    It depends on how it was worded.  If she actually called it a "party," then yes, I would have expected it to be covered. If not, I would have expected to pay for ourselves.

     This!

    I also think it's very odd that an 11 yo does not have a party mainly just for friends and any cousins who are about her age!  

  • If it was a PARTY to celebrate the kid's birthday, then yes, I would expect to have them pay for the kids' bowling and probably dinner, but as an adult, I would pay for myself.

    Putting myself in her shoes, if I invited my friends and their kids to bowl and eat, I would expect that DH and I would be paying for Charlotte and her little friends to do both.  NOT the adults, though.  

    We had her third birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese in February and I paid for the kids' food and drinks (part of the package), and adults were certainly free to have leftover pizza, but if anyone (adults) wanted more pizza, they ordered it themselves. 

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  • image100clare:

    imageNanner:
    It depends on how it was worded.  If she actually called it a "party," then yes, I would have expected it to be covered. If not, I would have expected to pay for ourselves.

     This!

    I also think it's very odd that an 11 yo does not have a party mainly just for friends and any cousins who are about her age!  

     They said "we are having a surprise party for T." It's very odd to us too.
    The cousins that are always invited are 3, 4, 5 and 8; so not even close to her age.

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