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Rough week and MIL vent (long and whiney)
Last Friday, our yard flooded. The waters were so strong and so high that it picked up our 10' x 14' shed and carried it across the yard into a tree. Not sure how we're going to move it back.
Then Tuesday was my due date and we had the earthquake. I thought we got by without any issues.
But Thursday/Friday at 4:00 a.m., our tenants called to say a pipe had burst. Apparently the earthquake dislodged a pipe where the water comes into the condo. Not sure how long it ran, but it soaked our unit and one or two below. We were able to contain the damage in our unit but are terrified of the bill we will receive for the units below. For reasons that are beyond me, DH never insured the condo beyond the master policy which does not cover this since it was within our unit.
Then Saturday and Irene hit. Not sure if it was Irene or the earthquake, but we had water coming in through he ceiling in one room. We lost power around 1:45 a.m. and got it back, thankfully, yesterday before 3:00.
And with all of this - the thing that is bothering me the most is that MIL refuses to respect our wishes. We asked that they come 2 weeks after the baby comes when DH will be going back to work. She said no way. She calls daily to see if I am in labor yet so that they can jump in the car and get up here ASAP. I figure we will be in the hospital for 2 days and then I will want at least a few days to get settled back in at home before we have visitors. DH doesn't plan to let them know until we are home from the hospital to give us more time, but I think that will make matters worse.
I like her and she is very helpful, but I'm not really sure what she expects to do. I will be BF and it sounds like for the first week or so baby will just be eating and sleeping. Plus, it's not just her it is FIL too. FIL gets up at the crack of dawn and moves to the couch where he sits and watches westerns and sports ALL.DAY.LONG. Won't move.
I don't know how comfortable I will be BF at first, so I will probably be closed away in my BR or the nursery for the majority of the time they are here and so they're only going to be able to see the baby when he sleeps. (Although I was planning on having him sleep in our room at the beginning, so not really then either.) DH has tried to ask them to wait at least a week, but hasn't been particularly forceful.
If you've gotten this far - any suggestions for dealing with inlaws that want to be helpful but aren't? If you BF and had people in your house at the beginning, how did you deal?
Re: Rough week and MIL vent (long and whiney)
Oh man, that stinks
Hope the damage isn't too bad.
I'm sorry that your ILs are being so difficult. I really think one of you (DH really) has to put his foot down. It's BS that she is not respecting your wishes. He needs to tell her like it is. She may be bent out of shape for a little while, but I bet once she meets her new grandchild, it won't matter anymore. My MIL has been a complete pain the you know what lately, I'm really getting to this point with her too.
Claire Elizabeth 12/31/2011
Married Bio
I agree with everything Colleen said. I would be livid if I were in your shoes.
Luckily, we lived OOT so our visitors were very limited! When we did have them, I just holed up in my room. It was a PITA especially because I was pumping afterward too. I remember coming here and whining because I just wanted to be with my baby and it felt like I had to steal him away just to BF and then someone took him as soon as I was done. Hated it!!
You need to lay down the law. Or, make DH do it. You will never get that first week back- it goes so fast.
Our crazy, wonderful life
My MIL was there at the hospital during my Csection and in our room less than 20 minutes later. It was not my ideal but I just went with it. Truthfully I was on drugs and so happy that elle was here I didn't even notice. I did BF at first--and I thougt of covering up, but I just got over it. I think she was more uncomfortable than me since she had not BF so she left the room most of the time. She stayed at a hotel and definitely gave us a lot of space. If they are staying with you, that would have put me over the edge.
And if DH isn't being forceful enough, than maybe it needs to be you saying it...
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We were lucky in that everyone respected our wishes to stay away, but when they came - similar to what you are envisioning. We did have guests stay in a hotel until she was 6 weeks old (when she was only waking up once/night). We used the logic that no one would get any sleep, it was the truth, and it worked. There is nothing they can do to help at 2am, and truthfully someone needs to be able to function the next day. I asked them to cook, clean and watch the baby while I showered, which was helpful.
When things did get bad, and I was in another room BFing a baby that only seemed to want to eat at dinner time and then for 3 hours, my family was respectful and left. Or at least carried on in the other room, while my husband spoon fed me (I did you not, it was rough going). When I did really lose it from exhaustion, they tucked me in for a nap with the baby, and left.
Good luck, it is nice to have help, but it is really hard to coordinate it. Someone told me having a baby wasn't hard, it was coordinating/managing all of the people around the baby - I've found that to be the trust x10.
:-( ((((HUGS))))
If MIL insist on staying with you after the birth I would give her very specific tasks and let her know that you intend to spend a lot of time with the baby and don't want a lot of distractions because you will be establishing breastfeeding and bonding with the babe. I would tell her that she is more than welcome to prepare meals, clean the house and run errands --- you will LOVE her for that!
We wanted to be alone after we got home from the hospital and our family listened to that. But, I regret not having them there. It was overwhelming and sometimes a bit lonely. I really wish my mom or MIL would've been around to cook, clean, chat with, hug, etc...
Ok, so I didn't offer much advice. Sorry. Ultimately, you family shuld repsect your wishes. If you really don't want her there then I would have communicate honestly with her and tell her why you don't want her there since it's nothing personal. Hopefully she'll understand. :-)
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
Thanks everyone. They will be staying with us. I have threatened DH with sending them to a hotel if they insist upon coming immediately, but that just seems over the top because we do have a lot of extra space.
I'm sure MIL will be happy to cook and clean. But the house is already clean and I have all of these freezer meals for 2 and no room for more food. (Why coming 2 weeks later would be great - finished with freezer meals and house dirty again by then.) Since they're from a small town and we live in the "big city" having them run errands isn't the easiest thing. MIL can find their way to the grocery and back and that's about it.
I'm going to have DH talk to them about it again, but I think there is a very good chance that I will just be holed up in the nursery and bedroom the whole time they are here and eventually they will get the point. They're going to have to find some place to go when the cleaning people come and when the photographer comes and will be sitting at home when we go to the doctor and LC.
There's also the matter of how long they will be staying. They never give a definite answer. Maybe if I knew that I only had to deal with it for X number of days it would be easier. The 2 times they have visited, they called us the day before to let us know they were coming and didn't tell us when they were leaving until the day that they left.
Yeah, I would totally push for them to stay in a hotel or explain to them that by waiting to come they would be more helpful. I'm sure they mean well and they will hopefully respect your wishes.
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
Yuck, sounds like an awful week. Your DH should talk to his parents and explain why it's not the best idea for them to come visit right away. They really need to respect your wishes.
I actually have invited my ILs to come right before the baby is born and stay for awhile afterwards but that's only because we need someone to stay with Kodi while I'm in the hospital. I'm sure I'll go crazy with them here as we adjust to a new baby but it's really our only option.
Aspen Marley ~ 12.22.11
My Blog of Randomness - Pocketful of Roses
That sh!t would not fly with me! If I had to be the evil DIL, then I would do it. This is making me so mad for you, lol!
Claire Elizabeth 12/31/2011
Married Bio
I don't have any advice for you, but I hope that this week goes better for you than last week!
If she does end up coming right away, I would have her cook and save your freezer meals for when it's just you, DH, and the baby at home.
This exactly!! I have been the b!tchy DIL in the past, and am 100% confident that I will be again in the future. Thankfully DH has gotten much better about setting boundaries. In your situation? I would call and tell MIL that you've kindly asked her multiple times to wait, and therefore you will not be letting her know when the babe is born but will be more than glad to call when it is appropriate for her to visit.
I will still rethink the whole having them at your house thing. It may not make sense in terms of physical space, but you and DH and the babe will want your own personal space which it sounds like they can't respect. Good luck!