1. Dear BSCBM: Thank God you are finally headed home, the crazy was starting to rub off. There is only so much one person can hear about every beanie baby ever created before they start going a little loopy. Please don't come back for a very long time.
2. Dear hair: Please cooperate with me today for family photos! please oh please oh please oh please!
3. Dear Lab at the Hospital: Please find nothing wrong with Wyatt's blood work, and if you do, please let it be minimal and unimportant.
4. Dear Wyatt: Please start putting on some weight and get a little taller... I think I might have a worry-induced stroke if this weight loss continues much longer
5. Dear Bank: Please ignore the fact that we don't have near enough credit to buy the farm and approve our mortgage today!
Re: Open Letters
Dear Friends: I don't know what to do. I know when I moved away to go to University we drifted apart while you all got married and had kids. However, I've been "home" now for 4 years and feel like I constantly try to get us together and you never *care*. I don't know what to do to resurrect our friendships.
Dear Hair: I don't know what to do with you. I am regretting cutting you all off.
Dear Self: Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you have a lot to be thankful for. Go do something productive!
Dear M's Coworkers:
Fall of a cliff. Seriously. You all suck.
Wishing her husband could work with nice people,
The Wife
Dear BFF:
THANK YOU for moving home! I'm so happy I get to see you more now and we can do bff stuff again!
Love,
Soul Sister
Dear self conscience, self critical, insecure Brit:
Okay so you made a {small} dumb mistake at work last week (3 actually). I know you feel like a total idiot, but it's not that big of a deal. You have a lot of new responsibilities, and everyone understand you are gonna overlook a think here and there. It was your first time handling said mistake areas on your own, so it's okay. Don't sweat it and beat yourself up over it. No one's mad at you.
Sincerely,
Trying my hardest Brit
Dear Principals,
I know that I have minimal experience but I really want to teach and I will be an amazing teacher. I just need a chance.
Dear Bank account,
Fill up. Quickly.
Dear Power company,
I know you are working really hard to get everyone back on-line and I'm grateful. Now if you could get my work-place back up that would be great so that I can go to work.
I know what you mean and completely understand!! It's hard
Dear Students,
Please understand that it is rude to sit in your advisor's office and text while meeting with her. It takes all of 10 minutes to fix your schedule, so please put your phone away. Also, please do not wait until the FIRST DAY OF CLASSES to register for classes, and then act surprised that you're on a waitlist. It makes me want to give you dirty looks, which is why I tend to look at the computer instead of making eye contact with you.
Sincerely,
Your advisor
Dear coworker,
An error pops up for a reason when you try to schedule a student for two classes at the exact same time. Please PAY ATTENTION and quit double booking them! They come to my office frustrated and I get stuck putting them on waitlists because of your error. It has happened over 4 times in the past week and the fact that it doesn't phase you when I mention it to you really pisses me off!
Sincerely,
Sick of fixing your mistakes
Dear metabolism,
Hi! Welcome back!!!!!!!
Love,
Sarah
Dear nightmares,
If you could eliminate yourself from my sleep that'd be fantastic. I like to feel well rested in the morning, and ruining that for me on a week where I'm going to be working 10+ hour days is just NOT. COOL.
Sincerely,
Sleepy girlie
Dear DH,
Kick ass this semester, honey!!! Only 2 left after this one!
Love,
Your wife
Dear new counselor on campus,
Being judgemental is NOT a trait I appreciate from a person in your position. You will be doing more harm than good if you act towards students the way you acted me this past weekend. I wish you the best of luck (even though I'm pissed you took my friend's job from her), but keep your opinions to yourself, especially if they're coming from personal issues you haven't dealt with yourself.
Sincerely,
The woman who is NOT "too young to be married" at 28 yrs old.
Dear bills,
Go away... and stay there. These surprise expenses are getting frustrating and stressful.
Dear coworkers,
Come on, I try my absolute hardest to be a good boss. I am understanding and try to make things easier on everyone. If you guys could please get your act together for the last 2 weeks of busy season, I would appreciate it. We may be ahead, but we still have a lot to get done in 17 days. Please don't make me turn into a nasty boss.
Dear Life,
Please work out how I would like and stop stressing me out. I need a vacation, but when I try to book some alone time with my H, you throw in a weekend of overtime opportunity. Now we are stuck between spending extra money and having a nice weekend and saving the money and making extra money, but still needing a break. Blah - I can't deal.
Dear Maggie,
If your issue is that you are teething, please pop these final 2 teeth in quickly. Your unhappiness is making us all unhappy. However, if something else is bothering you, please find a way to tell Mama. I want to make you feel better.
I really hate you sometimes. You screw my husband over continually when all he does is work his a$$ off for you. He's spent 9 years of his life playing your game, not to mention the 4 years at a military college in your ROTC program instead of having a normal college experience. You anger me to no end. Every time you screw him over, it makes me literally ache for him and want to junk punch you so bad. You never come through when we need you. I'm almost happy that while we may have to start over, that we can finally be free of you sometime in the not too distant future.
Signed,
The wife that is happy to be flipping you the bird
Dear Hubby,
I miss you so much. I'm so sad your stupid laptop died, because I so heavily relied on our daily skype sessions. I need you to come home. I really hope this is our last long separation ever. I love you and can't wait to have a normal life with you. Please come home soon.
Love you forever,
Your wife
Dear Houses,
Please sell! We want to be rid of you already, you suck money from us, and the hassle you create is just not worth it. Hopefully you'll find nice new owners to deal with you.
Bye, Bye,
Ready to no longer be a landlord or homeowner
Dear Reese's Sonic Blast,
Quit invading my thoughts all the time. I can't resist your delicious soft serve and delectable chocolate and peanut butter candy pieces. I need to not go get you once a month, you are dangerous to my waistline. Vacate my mind now.
Signed,
An ice cream addict who wants to stay thin
Haha... just saw these... posted my open letter to my boss on FB....
Not sure if I have anything else but lemme see:
Dear Future Husband,
Come find me... now... I'm tired of being alone.
Love the wife who so dearly wants to love you....
Dear Former Husband,
I miss you sometimes, why did it have to work out this way?
Love the ex-wife who never wanted to be exed and will always love you
Dear coworkers,
You're awesome. I love working with you! Thanks for making my life better!
So appreciating being on your staff... The Gov Teacher
Dear mom,
RELAX!
Your loving daughter
Dear Payton,
If you could stop doing The Refrigerator type tackles on Cricket on our second story apartment, I'm sure the neighbors below would appreciate it...
Love mama
Dear puppies:
Can we please just take a nap for the rest of the evening? I'm so tired... I'll compromise if you two just nicely play by yourselves!
Love,
Momma
Dear DH:
Time to grow up.
Love,
Your Wife
Dear S, F, J, M and K:
I can't even bring myself to miss you anymore. I'm done being burned and trying. Call me someday when you feel like giving me a second of your time again. Maybe I'll give you a second of mine.
Love,
friend that got married and moved away and actually decided to grow up and BE somebody
Dear new coworkers:
You're mostly all pretty awesome! Hope you stay that way!
Love,
The new girl
Dear DH's district board member / my coworker:
Don't you DARE call my husband an "ambulance driver" to my face (or to anyone for that matter) again. You're lucky you were in front of your/our superiors and I was respectful to you. It's completely disgraceful that you would say that when you're a freaking board member for their health district!!! And no, they aren't all paramedics over there either, nice attempt at saving your ass - maybe if you knew a smidgen of wth you're doing over there, I wouldn't have had to correct you.
Warmly,
the paramedic's wife