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so I think my sister could be on Hoarders
I've posted a bit about my sister before. She's bipolar and basically had a breakdown a few years ago and is on full disabliltiy and living w/ my parents. She's in treatment, but as far as I can see, there's very little progress and there doesn't seem to be any plan for her to move out or have any kind of independent life again. There are alot of communication issues between her and my parents and I try really hard to stay out of the whole situation b/c its so dysfunctional and sad and frustrating on all levels.
Anyway - DD stayed over Friday night and when I went to pick her up, I brought some clothes over for my sister (that didn't fit me). I rarely go upstairs at my parents house, except to my parents room, but I went up to sister's room on Saturday. OMG - there was *** EVERYWHERE - clothes, papers, jewelry, boxes, piles about knee high. She had a desk chair laying on its back next to her bed. She was laying in the bed, checking the weather on her laptop, the laptop was propped up on a paper box. And, there was sh!t all over her bed. I couldn't even step into the room, I was so taken aback. I showed her the clothes and she said yes, she could use them, but I was frozen b/c I didn't know where to put them down. She kinda shrugged and laughed and was like "yeah" looking around. I put them down on the nearest surface - I think my old desk that had jewelry all over it. I just kinda ran away after that.
I said something to my parents about it and they were just like yep, yeah, its bad, oh - you should see the bathroom. Uhhhh - what? There wasn't anything unsanitary there - no food or anything like that, and DD never goes there, but OMG - it was so disturbing. And, the thing is - when she had her own houses and apartments, she was completely OCD about cleaning and organizing - b/c my mom is super cluttered and never throws anything away, but this was 100X worse than my mom's organized clutter.
Ugh - so sad and sadder still that my parents just accept this. The dysfunction over there is just painful, but so is the denial.
Re: so I think my sister could be on Hoarders
Oh Kathryn, I'm so sorry. It's so hard to know how to react in these kind of situations. And you can't just go in and get rid of it all because that doesn't solve the actual problem.
My MIL is shopaholic/somewhat hoarder. She struggles with depression and I wouldn't be surprised if she and her current husband end up divorced over these issues. I told H when she dies we're pulling a dumpster up and throwing everything away.
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ugh, sorry, i didn't know it was that bad. Hoarding seems to go hand-in-hand with mental illness. i also think it is more common than people think. I'm pretty sure my uncle has a serious hoarding problem. He lived with my grandparents his whole life.....never moved out.....and after both of them passed away he let the house go completely downhill. I went over there a few months ago and was in shock. He had boxes and crap stacked everywhere, looked like he hadn't thrown anything out in 6 months......it was disgusting.
And it kind of sounds like your parents are kind of enabling her. So she has no incentive to get better, if you know what i mean. Sorry, that sucks.
Hello Kathryn,
I'm so sorry. I agree with MrsRemy that hoarding/messiness seems to go with mental illness. I have a friend with bipolar and I have been to several of her apartments - both were a disaster. Crap everywhere (no food or anything like that). My mom struggles with depression and I think if it were not for her helper - her house would be a disaster. I've noticed when she feels good, she is more willing/able to clean than when she is not.
MrsRemy - My parents are totally enabling. I think they have some guilt that they didn't really identify these issues when she was younger and punished her instead of helping her, but now they making things worse by just letting all this go by w/o even standing up for themselves. That's what's hard for me to watch.
I know the messiness/disorder is a sign of her illness - and the rapid aquisition of "things" is part of the manic phase. Its better that she's doing this then having unsafe sex or self medicating w/ drugs/alchohol or something, but its hard to see.
Ugh, thats sad. Like other ladies have said (including yourself) it's part of her mental illness, but that doesnt' mean it's not sad.
Is she always like this at your parents? We can always tell when my sister is about to go into a period of decompensation - she gains weight, stops wearing makeup, and her apartment becomes a disaster zone. When she's stable, she's OCD about cleaning.