September 2009 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I appreciate the Niners...
Because when I vented to you guys about my marriage, you guys didn't jump on the "divorce" boat.
It's something I have seen a few times on other boards, someone complains that they're having problems with H after having a baby and lots of posters rec divorce and then get on the train of "If he was like this before, why would you reproduce with him?"
Ugh... Relationships are work. Not everything has to be sunny side up all the time, you know....
Sorry, I just had to share.
Re: I appreciate the Niners...
just so you know, another niner and i were discussing marital problems and she said to me, "sometimes i feel like i've made my bed and now i must lie in it."
and i thought, "huh. that was really brave of her to say that because i think we've all felt like that at one point or another but its one of those things that NO ONE tells you."
so... long story short. we've all been there and IMO some fights and misunderstandings and disagreements arent really grounds for divorce. i think most niners agree with that mantra.
and i hope things are better!
We live in a country where the majority of people are regular passengers on the divorce boat. It's so "easy" to get divorced and there's way less stigma to it now so many poeple are so quick to jump to it.
Society as a whole also has tendency to believe that everything, including marriage and relationships, needs to being perfect at all times and as soon as it's not perfect it means you made a bad choice in marrying your spouse and therefore should get rid of him/her.
Yes, relationships are work and no one is perfect and I think we as a group understand that. Hope things are getting better with you and Dan; we're always here if you need us!
I am glad you posted this- you will see my post in a few minutes and realize I just needed some advice but dont want to make people think we are getting to that place...
FTR, I dont lurk on many boards... this one, Evie's birth months and the 3-6 month boards.... It's not like I'm looking all over the nest and bump for divorce posts. Although, I know I can probably go to TIP and see many there....
You know what it's a (little) funny, that at the time, I would say when things were "bad" between me and Dan, because that's how it felt. Bad. I didn't like where it was going.
Looking back at it now , I have to say it's different. Things changed and we were learning, and still are learning, how to adjust to the changes that have happened. None of it was ever really bad... Just different. To say that we're happy 100% of the time would be a total lie.... but I would definitely say we're both happy with our marriage even though sometimes we have to put more work into it than we would like to sometimes. Nothing comes easy.
It's nice to be reminded that its normal to fight, disagree and not feel happy all the time in your relationship.
My Acme Box last update 3/28/11
I love that we can have this discussion. What I bolded above really hits home. N and I can sometimes have an "off" day, or hell, even an "off" week, and there have been times when I feel like everyone else has the perfect relationship, and my mind will just completely veer off and I'll start thinking we are a horrible match, everyone else is so much happier, what are we doing wrong...yada yada....but then somehow, something always centers us, and I realize that relationships are always fluid and always changing, and you often have to work to keep up with them.....but that is what marriage is all about.
Glad to hear things are moving in the right direction for you, Nat!
Highly agree with this. I love my husband with all of my heart, and I really feel like we're a forever couple, but sometimes I get really mad or even sort of disgusted with him, and the thoughts "Did I really think this through? I want to be with him forever?..." sometimes start rolling. It's something no one tells you, but I don't for a second believe it isn't something everyone deals with. I'll be the last to jump on the divorce boat, but I won't deny that I sometimes question my choices or think what might have been. (I always feel dumb and ungrateful afterwards.)
updated 10.03.12
I realize that relationships are always fluid and always changing, and you often have to work to keep up with them.....but that is what marriage is all about.
I agree with this and I think that's a good comparison saying you have to keep up with it. I knew before getting married that things won't always stay the same and everything wouldn't stay "perfect" but it's still something entirely different to deal with when it does happen.
It's definitely something that I think all married couples go through and if they tell you otherwise they're lying... Or at least I assume... I really don't think there's a perfect or even a near perfect relationship.
I think the best advice I received before I was married was from my boss at the hair salon. She said "When you get married, that's it. And when you get mad at him now and fight, you have to ask yourself Can you put up with this for the rest of your life? If you tell yourself yes, than go ahead and get hitched." Honestly, that has gotten me through a lot of days. I know the bad days will pass and the good with Dan pretty much always outweighs the bad.
And MB, true that! I don't think the years to come are going to get any easier than year one.
My Acme Box last update 3/28/11