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xp - friend rejected a " gift "
warning - its long
I appreciate any input, because I understand everything has two sides - and I'm sure this will be long
DH and I hang out with a coworker and her husband semi regularly ( once a week or so ) I have known said coworker for 1 1/2 years and she is a very nice person.
the past few weeks when they have come over, her husband has mentioned that he needed a case for his cell phone, but with the kids going back to school and other unexpected bills, money was really really tight. I asked him, in conversation, what kind of phone he had and he told me. the next day on ebay, I found a case on ebay for $5 with free shipping.
today, I went into work and said to my coworker, " hey, give this to your DH, its a cell phone case. I know how much he said he needed one " at first she took it, said thanks but was very hesitant.
10 minutes later she asks to speak with me and this is the conversation
cw - my DH can't accept this gift
me - okay, but its not a gift per se, I just thought he would like to have one and I can't return it - I bought it on ebay
sw - you are a female, and I do not find it acceptable for my husband to accept a gift from a female who is not his wife or family member.
me - okay, it was only $5 but I am literally going to throw it away
cw - I can give you $5, but this just isn't acceptable
me - okay .. ( then I just went back to my desk )
so -- was I overstepping some sort of unknown " line " ? a male friend of Dh and mine bought me a dough hook for my Kitchen Aid out of nowhere, I accepted it, I offered him money and he declined saying it wasn't necessary -- I really like to try to be nice and surprise people with little things. I realize its just a cell phone case, I'm not worried about $5 -- I guess she hurt my feelings.
Re: xp - friend rejected a " gift "
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I also posted this on D&R - and so no one has mentioned pity -- I never thought of it like that, but I don't think so ... it really just confuses me and kinda pisses me off ...
I find this strange.
Do you think she actually told her DH that you got it? Maybe she is just flat out not accepting it on his behalf?
I'm very puzzled. You went out of your way to be nice. IMO a lot of people don't know some of the cheap things you can get on ebay, so I would take it as you went out of your way to be nice. If her husband mentioned he needed new underwear and you bought some on ebay, yes that would be strange, but a cell phone case?
Some people have very, very strange marriages. Maybe there are lots of insecurities that you know nothing about. Can you think of any other strange comments of things in the past that may help prove this theory true?
Some of our obsessively conservative friends are like this. Well, actually not so much him as her. After they got married, he was no longer "allowed" to talk to his female friends independent of his wife. I don't see what that's supposed to accomplish besides being ridiculous.
I would try not to take it personally. It's silly, and you can never really predict which couples are going to have these kind of "rules."
Okay, so I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but I can see where the wife is coming from. It's a little weird to be giving a random gift to someone else's husband, especially since you haven't known them that long. I mean, I'm not overly conservative, but I don't think I would ever do that, even with the husbands of my best friends.
I mean, it was a really nice gesture, I just think her "line" is in a different place than yours.
even if she didn't want to accept the gift, she could've at least said, " oh thank you " and then throw it out at home ...
I am the person when I am out shopping and I see something I think someone needs or would like ( like under $5 ) I would gladly pick it up - its not hurting me and I enjoy it -- the whole situation makes me not want to do that for anyone anymore, male or female.
Where I come from, your friend is kind of a freak. But then, you have to understand my perspective, where the majority of my friends are male and one of those is my best friend. And E has a lot of female friends. Heck, on our honeymoon he bought a gift for one of his female friends.
I have male friends who'd get me inexpensive thoughtful stuff even though I'm married, and I'd do the same for my single and/or married male friends. I just don't read a lot into things.
Some people do, though. It really sounds like she's just got these ideas of what's appropriate and even though she's weird about it, there's not much you can do except forget it and not take it personally. And sneer a little internally.
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exactly ! I have historically always had more male friends than females ( nothing but catty b!tches ! haha jk )
I asked DH what he thought and said, " not everyone is like us honey - I wouldn't have minded at all. she could've at least been appreciative "
oh well, tomorrow is another day.
thanks ladies !
I'm in this boat also. Just say thank you, take it, and do what you want with it.
I think she was possibly part embarrassed, part WTF are you hitting on my man...which I think is actually ridiculous since you're married and you guys have hung out regularly...so I am leaning toward embarrassed and pity...
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