I need help :(

Charleyrose · August 2011

So I am having this problem, and I am not sure how to bring it up with my husband without hurting his feelings. Basically after we got married, my father passed away suddenly. I felt very alone, not because my husband wasn't trying to be there, but because I knew he could not possibly understand the loss I was feeling as this was not his parent. It has really effected our relationship on a physical level. For the longest time, I did not want to have sex at all. We have sex now, but not regularly and I rarely look forward to it, more often I dread it. I have read about grief and loss and how people feel like they are betraying the person who died when they do things in life that bring them happiness and pleasure. I believe this could be true for me. But here is the thing, it has been almost 2 years since my father passed. How much longer am I going to feel like this? How much more time can I expect my husband to give me to work through this? Can any of you think of a way I can bring this up without my husband feeling like he is being rejected again......He has been so patient with me and all I want is to make him happy. I feel so sad that I can't and I think about how much his parents wanted him to grow up fall in love and get married. I feel like I am letting everyone down

Thanks for the feedback...

ashaw1207 · August 2011

Are you in therapy at all for this? I really think you need to talk to someone if you aren't already and if you are, you may want to bring him in to a session to help him understand. Either way, I think just talking to him has to help the situation. He may not be sure exactly what you are feeling and think it's him. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't have been there this whole time. Just let him know what is going on and ask for help. Sending prayers your way!

dirtyred · August 2011

You need some grief counseling, STAT.

beeb11285 · August 2011

Definitely! Just sit hit down and tell him that you are still grieving and you don't know how to get past it. And then tell him how you think its affecting your relationship and how you want your relationship to get back to. Then you need to find a grief counselor or therapist to talk to. They may want to bring your hubby in asap or they may want to work out some things with you alone and then bring your husband in after a while.Good luck with everything!

megs3084 · August 2011

First of all, Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 18 and I know how hard it can be without him. That being said, there is no timeline on grief. Everyone deals with it differently. I would suggest that if you havent done so already, seek counseling, individual and couple, especially if you feel like you're rejecting him. It is okay to hurt and to miss your dad. You are not letting anyone down. If you need anything, feel free to message me.

rensheng · August 2011

Post edited by moderator for hyperlink spam.

Charleyrose · August 2011

Thanks all for your kind words. I have been in therapy both alone and with my husband. I guess that is why I feel so sad because we have taken those steps and are still having trouble finding happiness in the marriage. I am hoping time will heal us, but maybe it is time to try a new therapist...

Charleyrose · August 2011

megs3084:
First of all, Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 18 and I know how hard it can be without him. That being said, there is no timeline on grief. Everyone deals with it differently. I would suggest that if you havent done so already, seek counseling, individual and couple, especially if you feel like you're rejecting him. It is okay to hurt and to miss your dad. You are not letting anyone down. If you need anything, feel free to message me.

Thank you so much. I am very sorry for your loss too. I appreciate the support

jensteele1181 · September 2011

I'm sorry for your loss.

It might be best if you think at it from your Father's point of view. Would he really want you to miss many beautiful opportunities with your spouse or would he want you to make the most of your time while on this earth.

I guarantee that any loved one who has passed on would tell each of us to live life to the fullest, love to the fullest, and create memories for others to cherish when we are gone.

There is no shame in living. There is no guilt in loving. Love is something we all need, and need to learn to give freely never holding back because no one is promised tomorrow.

I need help :(

Re: I need help :(

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