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Opinions, please.
DH's grandmother passed away yesterday. She had been in hospice care for months, so we knew it was coming, and we had a chance to go say goodbye to her on Tuesday evening.
The wake is tomorrow early evening and the funeral is Saturday morning.
What should we bring DS to? I don't know if it's more appropriate to bring him or leave him home. He's not a fussy/cranky kid, so I don't have concerns about that. Just if it's acceptable or not, I guess.
DH thinks we should bring him to the funeral and get a sitter for tomorrow. I am comfortable bringing him to the wake as well, but I don't know if that's ok. I'm basically fine bringing him to everything or nothing or anything in between, I just don't know the etiquette.
Sometimes I don't know if I think it's acceptable bring him because I'm a parent now. I want to be sure that the former childless me wouldn't be rolling my eyes at the parent me.
Re: Opinions, please.
I don't think there is an etiquette. If your family is OK with him being there, by all means bring him. If you'd rather leave him home for some stuff, that's OK too.
My first reaction is to go with your plan of a sitter for the wake and taking him to the funeral. Wakes tend to be for a while and any kid can get antsy. Funerals are a bit shorter.
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As a non-parent I'll say that I wouldn't give a side-eye to someone bringing their child to a wake or funeral.
I was going to answer the opposite of Dr.L though and say that I'd bring him to the wake, which tends to be less formal in my limited experience and where people are milling around chatting. The funeral ceremony requires more quiet and, Murphy's Law being what it is, DS will probably choose that time to get fussy.
I don't think there's really a wrong answer though. And I'm very sorry for your husband and family's loss.
I agree with Rock - take him to the wake, as there will be lots of people there to entertain him, and it's less formal. However, maybe take two cars, or have a back-up plan, because they are long, and he may get fussy. I'd skip taking him to the funeral, but maybe pick him back up for any sort of after luncheon/whatever.
I'm sorry for your family's loss.
So sorry to hear that.
When my uncle died, my cousin (not his child) brought his LO (about 8/9 months) to his funeral. No big deal. Mom sat on the end of the pew toward the door so she could make a quick getaway if needed.
I am so sorry Lady E.
I don't know what I would do either. I think I would get a sitter for the wake because those are a decent amount of time...and maybe bring him to the funeral?
Thanks ladies. I guess I really wanted to know if anyone was going to give me the side eye for having him there, KWIM? It sounds like no one will!
I called MIL and she said to bring him, but only if we're comfortable with it.
I am thinking we'll just take 2 cars to the wake, and hopefully the drive from the funeral to the plot (which will be Westwood to Peabody) will line up with his nap time.
I might have to kind of see how it all shakes out, I guess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother!
When my grandmother passed away my dad's cousin (my grandmother's nephew) who spent a lot of time with them growing up brought his 2 year old to both the wake and the funeral. He was very well behaved. I don't see a problem with you bringing your DS.
Sorry for your loss.
I think this is a case by case basis. My Gramps is currently in a hospice home and if/when something happens, I will be bringing DS with me to the services. My Gramps loves DS so much, and being with him makes him so happy that I know he would want DS (and all his other Great Grandkids) there.
I would probably do the funeral over the wake if I were you, just because like PP said, it's usually shorter.
Having been to both wakes and funerals with little kids ... here are my thoughts. I think it's totally up to you and your DH and how involved you want DS to be. I know being to the funerals it was nice to have the little ones around to lighten the mood a little and be a positive.
1 - The wake - It is longer but it is also more casual. People are coming in an out for the duration. Funeral homes usually have multiple rooms so your LO won't neccesarily spend the whole time in the main room. Also, since it is DH's grandmother he may spend more time in the main room and talking to his family but you may have a bit more flexibility to move around with DS. Also, aunts, uncles, family, & friends may enjoy stealing him away to play for a bit (lighten the mood/ breath of fresh air type of thing).
2 - The funeral - The funeral is shorter but it is also more formal. Your DH and probably you will want to be able to pay attention to the ceremony. When my nana passed my cousin had her 6 month old spend the day with a babysitter so she could focus on the funeral. Recently a dear friend's grandmother passed and her DH and her arranged with her DH's sister and their friend that the kids would be there with the family but when they needed a break the aunt and the friend took the kids out to wander and play around until the end of the ceremony.