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omfg. someone... (VENT) (kind of long)
please give me a gun. Or a REALLLY BIIIGG DRINK.
I've been at my mom's for 3 whole days. Yesterday, I was in tears because of a dissertation on "How immature and otherwise not manly" Luis is(n't). She went on for 20 minutes about how when we were leaving Tampa on Sunday, he said, "Thanks for helping her out." Instead of, "Thanks for helping US out." I told her that I understand what she is saying, but that I disagree, it was NOT necessary for him to use that word.
Did he make some poor decisions? Yep. Was I angry at him for those decisions? 100%. Is he slowly learning his lesson? Yes. He's already made more on this one week in sales than in two weeks as a houseman for RTG, he has a plan to pay down the debt that he owes, and then a comprehensive savings plan. BUT don't say to her, or anyone else, especially in her house, that she doesn't like him.
She berated me about child support; she acts as if I'm planning on not asking for child support (apparently, he has to be ordered to pay child support before I can get temporary benefits, until I find a job.)
The other night, I was looking at apartments, and she asked me why. Um, I thought it was understood that I would not be staying here forever. I want to go back to Tampa/Tampa area. The people in this town are close-minded and mostly hick-ish. I don't want my kids around that. And then I was told that I would not be able to take care of my kids without my family around. I think it would be easier to have family nearby, but not necessary.
(breath)
It's not that I do not appreciate having a place for me and the girls to stay. I do. It's nice to have someone to help me out when Abby is being colicky. It's nice for the girls to be around their family.
I just need support right now and not criticism about every.single.thing. Sigh.
Re: omfg. someone... (VENT) (kind of long)
Happily Married
The Plan Stan
Eat Well, Live Well, Be Well Blog
I'm sorry for everything that is going on...I thought you and Luis were living apart until you found a new job and could move in with him. So why does he need to pay child support? I'm probably just out of the loop!!
PS -let's reschedule playdate! And are you a member of TBAMoMs??
The whole child support process in FL is such a PITA. I hope that you are able to process everything quickly. DD's dad and I waited until she was six months old to start a case and it took another 9 months for us even to get a judges order. And that was in a case where we literally went to the county offices and filed the paperwork work together. We were in complete agreement, not contentious at all, and yet it took forever. If I were you I'd just go asap and get to ball rolling. It will be better in the long run and having the state tell Luis how much he should be paying should hopefully take some pressure off of you. I hope that things work out and you guys can be together in Tampa again soon!
As for the nay-saying, on the one hand I agree with Moonstone that your mom probably is just worried about you and expressing it poorly. On the other hand, it sounds like you may have a lot of nay-sayers in your life right now that are trying to tell you that you can't do this. I experienced a lot of the same negativity from the people closest to me when I had DD. I had two of my sisters tell me I was immature, screwing up my life, and that I would be screwing up the life of my kid too and would never be able to take care of her on my own.
You know what I say? Eff'em. Because that's BS. If you have the resolve to make it past this, you will. It would be nice to have their support now when you need it most, but trust me that when you get things together and get to a better place you'll feel that much better about what you've accomplished because you really worked for it and because (as cheesy as it sounds) you believed in yourself and persevered. And deep down you'll have the smug satisfaction of watching them eat crow. I love my sisters dearly, but when I think about how they treated me in those early days, I think with satisfaction what asses they made of themselves and how wrong they were.
Some commentary on the child support thing - it doesn't take forever if you both agree and are represented by an attorney. I'd contact a free legal agency in your area to see if you can get an attorney to sign the paperwork for you/show up.
I filed my divorce paperwork on Monday (including all child support/time sharing docs) and will be divorced before the end of the month.
Oh no, we didn't break up. My mat leave was unpaid, so any e-fund I had was depleted. When I lost my job, he had not started working in sales yet, so we had no.money.at.all. He was making a little more than min. wage, and you just can't take care of 4 people on that. So, in the mean time, The girls and I moved in with my mom until he can get things in order on his end. I'm looking for at least a part-time thing here (in Titusville, close to Orlando) so that I can save money, buy diapers, food, etc. And I know that she loves me and means well. It's just the way it's coming out.
That's exactly the plan, Jess! Since I am uneployed and was denied UIC benefits, I have no income and need just a little help in the mean time, but in order to get benefits from the state, I have to have Luis on CS, or else the state does it for me...which sucks, but I kind of look at it as a manadatory savings plan. Use some of it for diapers and what not, and the rest can go into either restoring the e-fund OR a 529 for the girls! All this because we chose not to get married!
I am not a member! Is that Tampa Bay Area MoMs? Do you have a link? As soon as I am back a playdate would be a great idea
Yeah, we didn't have attorneys involved and this was six years ago, but I haven't been impressed by their efficiency so certainly the sooner you file the better. In our case, the fact that it took so long to get a court order ended up being difficult for DD's dad financially. The court ended up ruling that the amount of support he and I had agreed to and that he had continued to pay while we awaited our official order wasn't enough and they ordered him to pay back-support. It made his monthly obligations even larger for a while. This was just my experience of course.