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SingleGirl and the Annoying American
SingleGirl and the Annoying American
In which SingleGirl's evening is ruined by That Guy Who Just Won't Take a Hint
Last Friday I decided that I needed to get out and socialize more, so I agreed to go with a friend to one of the local ex-pat networking events. You know, the kind that's less about work, and more like an expensive singles party full of guys with popped collars (or the local equivalent)? I'd been avoiding this like the plague, because it has a reputation for being full of posh people trying to show off and better one another, but what the heck. Don't knock it 'til you try it, right?
Admittedly this wasn't one of their best events, but I certainly suffered through a few conversations with guys who thought that the more impressive they sounded, the more attractive they would be, even though we had nothing in common. The most interesting person I met the entire evening was a woman I've seen on some of the local ex-pat forums but whom I've never met in person. She was awesome and incredibly nice!
Unfortunately, she brought along two out-of-town visitors from London who were friends of a friend of hers and were in town for some kind of conference. The Brit was off on the hunt for local Norwegian girls, and I got to talking to the American guy. Since he wasn't trying to puff up his chest and be awesome like the local networkers, I didn't mind talking to him. I asked where they were staying, commenting that my OOT colleagues say the bar at the top of the hotel is kind of cool. We chatted about Norwegian culture. This lasted another beer, but eventually the conversation dwindled, and I really wasn't interested, so I drifted away to chat with my friends.
Later, we moved back into the same area, and while I was chatting with his host (cool ex-pat chick), the guy came over and hovered. I was talking with my back to him, but he wouldn't go away, even though he wasn't talking to anyone. Ex-pat chick apologized (she didn't really know him and was just playing hostess), and she eventually suggested I try to shake him with an extended restroom break. I went to the ladies, hung out for a little while trying to find excuses to waste time at the mirror, and then went upstairs to wander around for a little while, so that I was gone for 10-15 minutes. But no, when I came back, he was still there, and still hovering.
I decided that I wasn't going to get rid of him, so I would just call it a night and bolt. When he turned his back, I literally ran for the back exit and up the stairs, where I met some other friends, who were just arriving. It was early, and the bar has lots of rooms, so I thought I'd be able to hang out with them for a bit in another area. We slid into a booth so that my girlfriend was shielding me on the side, and her guy friend was across the table. We were okay for a little while until our other friends joined us, and Annoying Guy followed them.
No one was talking to him (and his hostess was not with us), but he still wouldn't leave. I spent about 30 minutes in an animated heads-together conversation with the (cute) guy across from me, but he still didn't get the hint. When my friend left to go dance, he took her seat next to me, while I continued to ignore him.
Eventually, it was late, and we all decided to call it a night and started saying our goodbyes. He corners me and says, "Oh, what are you doing now?" "I'm going to sleep. I have a lot to get done tomorrow." "Did you want to come see the rooftop bar at my hotel?" "Umm... no? I need to head home." "Okay. Well, here's my card. You should definitely come visit us in London!"
The worst part is that not even was my evening kind of spoiled by trying to shake this guy, I felt like I must have done something wrong! Was my body language off? Did I commit some kind of faux pas where I accidentally made him believe that I was enamored with him? What the heck?! Even though all of my friends assure me that I was clearly giving "not interested" signals, I can't help but feel like it's somehow my fault. I've been out of the game too long!
In future, SingleGirl will observe the following rules: Discussion of hotels, even in the context of general travel conversation, is off-limits. Drink refills shall be a sign that it's time to move in or move on, and conversations will not span drinks unless there is a clear interest. And when going out, it's better to go with a group of girls, so that you have plenty of escape routes without jeopardizing the lady-seeking potential of your close guy friends.
Re: SingleGirl and the Annoying American
At first I though that maybe he just wanted to hang out with some Americans until I remembered that it was an EX-PAT party! Dude should have taken a clue.
I don't think you did anything wrong though. I hate how it's so hard just to be civil to a man sometimes without them thinking we want to bone them!
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Why?! Please tell me what I did!
Well obviously I can't say what you did or didn't do since I wasn't there, but the whole turning your back to him thing is just plain rude, and the running around trying to ditch him like you're in some kind of rom-com is a bit much.
It's hard to be the socially awkward person in a small talk situation such as this event.
I can see if he was like hanging all over you or making inappropriate comments but he was just trying to talk to you...
And I'm not trying to be harsh, I've had men think I've been interested just because I've been talking to them and then not get the hint - but it sounds like he really only brought up having an after drink together at the end of the event, not like he was hounding you all night to go to bed with him?
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Like honestly, I think you spoiled your own evening with all of the imagined drama.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
I really cannot understand why grown women insist on acting like seventh-graders over things like this.
You should have been civil and kind, not spent the evening hissing about what a loser he was with your girlfriends and making them literally try to hide you. If you're going to be a jerk like that, just do everyone a favor and leave.
Updated September 2012.
Okay, I never turned my back on him. At the end of the original conversation, I said something along the lines of, "It was nice talking to you. I'm going to go rejoin my friends." I honestly figured that was enough of a message that I was not interested.
Each time he came over, I was already in the middle of a conversation with someone else. My back was to him, because he was behind me, and the person I was already talking to was in front of me. What is the polite way to interrupt a conversation and say, "Excuse me, I don't want to be presumptuous and assume you're hanging around because you think I'm interested, but I'm not."
What if he really was just looking for someone else to talk to? Honestly, I don't think it's my job to introduce him around and find him someone else to hang out with just because I spent a few minutes chatting with him and then decided that he wasn't that interesting. Do you really do that every time you meet a guy at a bar? "Hey, I don't think this is really going to go anywhere, so let's go see if we can find someone else for you to talk to." Or do you end all your conversations with "It was nice talking to you, but I'm not interested."
eyeroll
Here is what most kind, generous people do in this situation. They turn their body slightly so that they are not completely excluding someone who has purposefully come up to them to talk. The continue with your conversation with the original person. If there is a lull in the conversation you can introduce the two people.
Why is this so hard? He probably felt out of place at the event and thought he found a friendly face in the crowd. he was obviously wrong.
Yeah, you did turn your back on him.
Later, we moved back into the same area, and while I was chatting with his host (cool ex-pat chick), the guy came over and hovered. I was talking with my back to him, but he wouldn't go away, even though he wasn't talking to anyone.
You knew he was there, and deliberately ignored him by refusing to face him. And then you did it again, while he was sitting right beside you:
When my friend left to go dance, he took her seat next to me, while I continued to ignore him.
You were unforgivably rude and unkind. Don't let the fact that he may have found you attractive give you license to be a jerk about it.
Updated September 2012.
hahahaaa
omg you are a HUGE biitch.
You slightly turn away from the person you are in conversation with and nicely say, "oh hello, Steve, Julie here and I were just talking about the history of the Vienna Waltz. Do you know Julie? *make introductions* I'm headed to the bar can I get either of you a drink?"
You weren't at a g-d swinging event where the main goal of everyone was to bang you.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Whatever happened to the days when you could talk to a guy in a bar and then excuse yourself? Apparently 20 minutes of conversation and you're supposed to take them under your wing for the rest of the night! I have so much to learn!
I guess we're all just hung up on the fact that you prefaced this whole sh!tstorm with the fact it was a NETWORKING event
only one thing will settle this (thanks lhc)
PIP YOURSELF
You don't have to take them under your wing. You just have to not be a classless, rude assh*le.
Updated September 2012.
I know you IRL SingleGirl, so I can say that the pp's calling you a biitch or an asshoole are off target. Firstly, name calling is totally uncalled for, this is a message board ladies, chill out. Secondly, the way you represented yourself in this story doesn't do justice to your real personality as I knwo it. But it does seem like you were a little insensitive here.
I mean, maybe he had that lost puppydog quality about him and it was cramping your style. But he obviously was feeling awkward, had no one else to talk to, thought you showed signs of at least friendliness to him. I get the sense he was kind of dragged to the event, didn't have much luck socializing, thought you were charming (which you are!) and clung to the hope of a not awkward evening. I mean, inviting you to his hotel bar might seem like a come-on (and maybe it was) but like you said, you mentioned how nice it was. I guess I feel like, as a single person, every night can't be about finding a person up to your standards and trying to land them. Sometimes, you see someone feeling awkward and you take one for the team to be compassionate. Like, hang with him, mention your boyfriend or someone you're dating (sure, it's made up, but whatever) and then see what he does. If he still keeps chatting, he was lonely. If not, he just needed firmer hints and body language wasn't cutting it.
My Blog
I take it you've never been to an expat mingling event. They aren't what you're imagining them to be.
This post has been edited by a Moderator.
PLEASE STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS!
My first thought after reading this one is that she is being too nice! Men can never take a hint. You have to be strong with them, which sucks for sweet American girls. We've learned to always be polite and likeable. It takes a lot to tell a man point-blank that you are not interested in talking to him.
This post has been edited by a Moderator.
PLEASE STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS!