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anyone here have a family member with cancer? angry and sad at how life is going
I think im probubaly having the worst year ive ever had. while having problems with a recently diagnosed dad all I hear about from friends is good news like new jobs....me not so much I cant help but resent it. I have congratulated them, they have earned it and deserved it but has all come at a bad time. I worked two part time jobs...left one to get full time. worked full time for a few days and then was layed off. so my emergency fund is depleting, cant find another job. and with a recent hurricane irene a tree caused damage to my bf and my house while breaking my windshield.
but enough of that. within a week of being layed off my dad was diagnosed with cancer. We didnt know what kind until now a month later, he has quickly wasted away and it breaks my heart, im not married but have always pictured my dad walking me down. I feel the only people i can talk to is family and my bf who I am lucky to have, my friends are all working and dont think they can relate. I feel blame somewhat because he fell when i tried to help him. I have stopped looking for a job because every moment im working im missing out on seeing him. I just want to maybe talk to someone on this board who is going through the same thing. Thank you
Re: anyone here have a family member with cancer? angry and sad at how life is going
I'm sorry
My dad's battled cancer for a few years now, albeit not as aggressive a cancer as it sounds like your dad's got. I've spent a lot of time worrying about him and just hoping he'll be O.K., and I hope your dad will be O.K. as well. And I'm sorry for your other bad luck too. When it rains it pours, huh?
As far as your friends, do they know what's going on? Maybe they don't want to talk about it for fear of upsetting you ... maybe they're just trying to keep your mind off things? I'm sure that nobody's flat-out ignoring the situation because they don't care about you or your dad. It's hard to know what to say to a friend in such an awful situation, so they are probably just feeling very awkward and unsure about how to talk to you about this.
Your real friends will be there when you need them. If you're comfortable, maybe it'd help to tell them in some way (e-mail, personal conversation, a letter) something like, "I'm just really worried about my dad and please don't take it personally if I seem disinterested or upset when we're together. I care about you and I'm truly happy for your accomplishments, but it's really hard for me to focus on anything positive right now." People who are truly your friends will understand that you're a big ball of emotions right now and you don't mean any harm to them. Don't be afraid to speak up and tell them exactly what you want from them - if you want some space let them now, if you want help or a shoulder to cry on just let them know. They would probably love to hear specific wishes from you so that they know how to act.
Maybe it'd also help you to look into a counselor or talk to someone at your church or something, just to have an outlet for venting. I've found that it helps to talk to someone like this, because you can just talk freely about whatever is on your mind and it helps you to organize your thoughts a little more clearly.
Yes this is rough; I am sorry. Several relatives have died due to cancer; both my parents are included.
Are you spiritual? There are chaplains you can speak to, if he's in hospital. There are chaplains on staff there -- you can also speak to your cleric also.
There are also social workers available to talk to. Hospitals have them, the town you live in probably employs them, also.
My parents are both cancer survivors... My mom had cancer about 15 years ago, in her early 30's. My dad was diagnosed last year when he was 48. Luckily they are both doing well now, but I have lost my grandpas to cancer and I know how hard it can be to struggle with this.
I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Neither of my parents have battled cancer, but last May, both my SIL (brother's wife) and grandfather wer diagnosed with cancer (her breast, him pancreatic) within a week of eachother. While she thrived under chemo, and is now cancer free, he bravely battled until February when we lost him. That sas a very difficult 9 months for our family, not understanding why 2 people were taking such different cancer paths. We were so happy for SIL (who went into remission a month after grandpa passed) while still mourning the loss of a great man.
You and your family will be in my T&P.
I am so sorry. I have lost some family members to cancer. Others have beaten it. My best friend died two years ago from colon cancer. This past Saturday would have been her 30th birthday. It sucks.
I hope that you can find some comfort. When my friend was battling her colon cancer, I found an online support group and although it was online, it was a very close-knit and loving group and it did help. If you're open to counseling, I think that would be helpful too, but there is no getting around the fact that it is going to be a very difficult time. I am sorry you are dealing with this!
My husband has cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy right now. Well, actually his chemo was suppoesed to start tomorrow but his white blood count is too low and he needs booster shots to build his WBC back up but then he'll be back in chemo again. He was diagnosed 4 years ago and it's an emotional roller coaster.
Have you spoken to anyone who you feel comfortable opening up to? Besides your BF and family I mean. Your friends don't have to know what you are going through, they just have to listen to you.
It's OK to be angry and sad about what's happening. Anger and sadness are natural emotions and be sure you have some sort of outlet for what's happening to you. Even if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone, sit in your car and cry it out, yell if you want to. It's not healthy and the stress of the situation will become overwhelming.
Don't feel guilt about what happened, it's not your fault. Try not to begrudge the good times of your friends because it's not their fault that things are going OK for them during the time that things are not gonig well for you.
Talk to your father's doctor and see if they can refer you and the rest of your family to counseling services, or clergymen if that's your thing.
I use these boards to vent because cancer has turned my husband into a very angry person and he's normally not like that. I don't want to tell my friends and family about teh things he says or does becuase it makes him seem like a raging a-hole and I don't want them to hold it against him later. I also go to my priest for comfort and guidance on how to deal with this mess. It's not easy.
Please feel free to email me if you want. his no 1 girl at hotmail dot com
Good luck and I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this.
My younger brother passed away from aggressive brain cancer a few years ago. My mom had early stage breast cancer a couple of years ago. She's fine now.
I can totally relate to everything you are going through. My mom passed away from lung cancer, and at the time, I ended up taking a leave from work to spend time with her and take care of her. There was no way I could focus at work when all I really wanted to do was spend time with her. My mom died quite some time ago, and the only regret I have is that I didn't make the decision to focus on her and my family sooner....so do what you have to do in that regard.
Fast forward to present day, and my DH had been unemployed for almost 2 years. I'd been working at a company for 12 years and we were barely squeaking by (DH had some contract work, but nothing steady). He started interviewing with a company and was offered a job that would take him to Afghanistan for up to 5 years. We were about to take a pass on it, and the next day, my company announced that they were moving out of state, and we would all be losing our jobs...this was also the same day I had to attend a dear friends funeral. So hubby ended up saying yes to the job...
The next day, my brothers call me and tell me that my dad is at the point where he cannot live alone, and is living with me an option (my brothers were okay with him living with them, but wanted to present dad with all options). Dad chose to live with me. Within a week of moving in, Dad had a heart attack and stroke at my house. I had to call 911 3 times within the first 2 weeks of him living here.
Within a weeks time, I lost my job, my husband, and became the caregiver to my dad. I also got a contract job for myself, and hired a day care giver for my dad. I was about ready to snap, but had a team of great friends + a wonderful dr that gave me some anti anxiety meds, and antidepressants which really helped me get through...
My two year old nephew was diagnosed with cancer, a year ago. Nine months before that, my Aunt died of cancer, it started in her lungs, even though she never smoke a day of her life, and moved to her brain. She was dead in a few weeks of us learning it. Right around the time my nephew was diagnosed my other Aunt passed away she died of cancer. Six weeks after my first Aunt died, my Uncle died of cancer.
My Grandfather's cancer return a few months ago, he passed away of a stroke almost two months ago. I am sorry you have to go through this, I HATE cancer it is a horrible disease. My T&P are with you.
My Mom battled cancer for 10 years off and on. She passed away six months before our wedding. I did counseling when she was first diagnosed and then again when she passed. After she passed away i went through a brief period of unemployment.
The counseling helped me to focus on what was important and to basically just adjust my attitude; let myself be sad when I needed,make the most of my time with my Mom, and keep enough perspective to make it through with my mental health still intact.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. There are periods in our lives where all we seem to hear is bad news.
My birth mother has terminal cancer. What makes it more difficult is that she and I have not been on speaking terms for quite some time. I was initially her Power of Attorney, plug-puller, executer, etc., but all of that may have changed. My birth mother and father have not been married for many years. My mother was married and her husband, my step-father passed away from prostate cancer that spread. My father was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. He finds out today what treatments are available to him. There are many other things in my life that are not sunny and bright, in addition to this. How do I get through? I just do. Personally, my spiritual Faith is never ending, so I pray a lot. I don't believe that I would get through all of it if I did not feel like the answer was just a prayer away.
If you are not spiritual, you may choose to seek counseling. We all have to choose help where we feel comfortable. Talking to your BF and your family is good, but all of you are wrapped up in the same situation so it may be hard to get sound advice from people who are right there with you.
You are doing the right thing by seeing your dad as much as possible. Don't blame yourself because your dad fell. You were doing your best to try to help him.
A lot of times, things that happen are blessings in disguise. You losing your job is horrible, but if you had been working, would you have all that time available to spend with your dad?
Good luck with all you are going through.
I'm so sorry about everything. I have not had a blood relative fight cancer, but my MIL lost her battle this past spring. I was there for the diagnoses and every step in between. Her and I were not always close, but we worked a lot out that last year. This seems to be a rough year for a lot of people who have family members fighting cancer. I have 4 other friends who have either lost a parent or a sibling within the past 6 months.
I'm so sorry. It's tough and it seems like time stands still while you are going through it. Cherish what time you have with your dad, but it is also important to at least be aware of what you need to do for yourself once he's gone. You don't want to be left picking up more pieces then you need to.
My MIL is currently battling Stage 4 cancer. We don't know how much longer she has here.
Plan to spend as much time as you can with family and let yourself cry. Even at the most awkward times, give yourself those moments to cry. I agree with PP who said just sit in your car and cry if you need to.