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I have strange IL
I love my youngest BIL. He's funny, kind and an all around great guy, but has ZERO common sense or compassion for others.
So he's getting married in Decemeber. We just found out a week ago--hell he just found out a week ago. He's an Orthodox Jew and started dating this girl about 2 months ago and they've decided to get married (I'm not in the Orthodox dating world, but this is a fairly common time frame from what I gather). I am happy for the kid--he seems to really like her and is really happy.
Now, DH and I are moving to the States in 2 weeks and I'll be 2 weeks from my due date around his wedding so I absolutely cannot fly back to Israel for the wedding.
My oldest BIL is being deployed in the beginning of Jan. so youngest BIL is trying to make the wedding before he leaves. But, this means DH can't go and youngest BIL is making DH feel guilty about not coming to the wedding 2 weeks before my freaking due date.
I'm sorry, but DH and I are the ONLY family members (besides MIL) that support this marriage, support him and have actually MET his fiance. BIL has been telling DH "statistically the baby will be late" so you can come to the wedding. WTH people?! DH is not chancing missing the birth of his child to come to your wedding dude!
Got any common sense/compassion lying around I can give him?
Re: I have strange IL
You could mention to him that YOU had your baby planned for months, he on the other hand just sprung this wedding thing on everyone. HE should change.
Really though, fly to Israel from the US 2 weeks before a baby is due, come on dude.
Bio
Is he a professional statistician or did he just extrapolate from his time on The Bump?
Sorry that you guys won't be able to make it to the wedding, that is disappointing. But that said, it's obviously for a very good/happy/fabulous reason, so deal, BIL, deal!
He's 25. This is a family trait of their though. DH's family has never understood why he puts me/our child/our marriage above their wants. This family trait has lead to the detriment of all their marriages/relationships btw.
Did I mention that the other reason they are having the wedding so soon is because they can't touch (not even a hand hold) before the wedding, so BIL is basically telling DH his need to not wait 6 or so weeks have sex is more important that the birth of our child.
My Israel Blog!
Gotta love the OJs.
I have no good advice as my faux-OJ cousin just pulled something similar in terms of the self centeredness, rushing a wedding and just being annoying, but I wanted to ask where are you moving back to? I can't remember.
Ha! well that makes it all more understandable lol Oh well, they will get over it. Suggest that they bump the wedding to tomorrow and he can be doing the deed by tomorrow evening
Sorry you will miss the wedding, I am sure that despite his attitude, you and your H would love to be there
Atlanta here we come! Oh god are we there yet?
My Israel Blog!
Bio
This may or may not be part of it, but the weddings in this case are also sometimes arranged around the girl's menstrual cycle, so that could be a part of it too since sometimes the girl starts the pill at engagement to plan. Either way the BIL is being a tool though as they should just postpone and usually super religious weddings are so big they don't even know who is there, so its so silly they are putting pressure on shekels.
Yeah, all I got out of this was 2 weeks til you are here, yay! And Fall, the best time in Atlanta!
Who knows
. I think a Dec wedding is better for her side of the family too.
I do get it. Have your wedding when you want. Yes, we are upset we won't be able to come but please don't give my husband *** for it. We've can't change when this kid decides to show up. I'm sure your newborn nephew apologizes for the inconvenience.
My Israel Blog!
My Israel Blog!
(((hugs))) You must be kind of looking forward to being in another country soon!! Jewish relatives can be intrusive enough... adding to that the Israeli factor and it must be pretty entertaining all around :-)
Seriously, everyone gets to do what they want with their lives and it's not your job to compromise! I think it's ridiculous to want DH to fly all the way to Israel right at your due date. If it was close by, of course, but this trip would take days!
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
Starts the pill so can predict her period? Since they can't touch while she is menstruating?
Do OJ use BC on a regular basis? I honestly don't know.
Bio
As I understand it, hormonal birth control is allowed, but barrier methods (condoms, vasectomy, etc.) are not. Men are not permitted to "waste seed". Overall, I think it is thought that God takes care of the family planning though.
My Israel Blog!
Just because I am curios is he ultra orthodox? I am modern orthodox and a 3 -6 month engagment is typical.Dating for a minimum of 3 months is not unusual but that is in the modern orthodox world.
Is he young? I figure that he is excited about his wedding but does not understand that your DH can't just hop on a plane and fly from the states to Israel, and yeah first babies can come late but who knows and you do not need to worry about that stuff.
I wish you luck in dealing with this family situation, these things are never easy. I am sending you make him understand vibes.
Oh he's actually marrying this one?! :P I can't believe he's being like this. You know he's immature, so that should at least ease some of the sting. What does MIL say about this?
Sorry you're dealing with this...but you're right about the entire neighborhood being there and him probably not even realizing you're there anyway! It's a good thing Israelis don't do BMs/GMs. Ugh, sorry Sheks' BIL but, your babe is way more important!
He is modern orthodox (dati leumi). He isn't particularly young (25) but is pretty self-centered. He's an overall sweet guy and has really just wants his brothers to be at the wedding, of course he does!
But come on, he has known about my pregnancy/due date for nearly 5 months now and it irks me to believe he is really as dumb to think DH would chance missing the birth of his child for the wedding. He is making this decision when to have the wedding, not DH.
My Israel Blog!