s/o ... "oops" babies

Mrs_W_Pookie · September 2011

For those people who say they are an "oops" baby, how do you feel about knowing that? Do you think it is right for a parent to tell their child that they didn't plan on having them?

PantsOffDanceOff · September 2011

I was an ooops baby. My parents had me young and then got divorced 2 years later. I'm sure that it would have been a better situation and perhaps they could have stayed together were it not for having me so young. I don't feel bad about it, *** happens.

jenhappy · September 2011

I think it depends on the context/attitude of telling them. If it's "oops, you ruined my life," maybe not so much.. If it is "oops, but I'm so glad you're here!" then I think it's fine.

Mrs_W_Pookie · September 2011

PantsOffDanceOff:
I was an ooops baby. My parents had me young and then got divorced 2 years later. I'm sure that it would have been a better situation and perhaps they could have stayed together were it not for having me so young. I don't feel bad about it, *** happens.

See, what I don't understand is why parents feel the need to divulge that information though. Or was it more of you just figuring it out on your own?

MaryJaneWatz · September 2011

I'm okay with it. My mom was young and wanted kids and my dad was a little older and already had 2 with 2 other women. I think it was really my dad that just didn't want to have any more. I don't feel like I was any less loved because I wasn't planned.

jacmdb · September 2011

My aunt told me I was an oops baby a few years ago. It was on mothers day and my Aunt made a comment to my mom about her not wanting kids. It didn't bother me. My mom was 21 when she had me and they had no money. Of course they didn't want kids. They waited 5 years before they had my brother which makes sence now.

MaryJaneWatz · September 2011

My parents were not always (maybe ever) happily married. My mom told me that my dad didn't want to have kids and he was mad when she got pregnant. It wasn't the best way to tell me since she was saying it out of anger towards my dad. I got over it and it doesn't faze me now. I'm pretty sure my dad loved me once he got used to the idea of my mom being pregnant.

Madisen · September 2011

I've got an oops baby inside me. I don't foresee it ever coming up with her though. She'll be loved just as much as James is.

Mrs_W_Pookie · September 2011

jenhappy:
I think it depends on the context/attitude of telling them. If it's "oops, you ruined my life," maybe not so much.. If it is "oops, but I'm so glad you're here!" then I think it's fine.

I agree that the context definitely makes a difference. I just don't understand why some parents feel like it's necessary to tell their kids they were never meant to be. It makes me sad Sad

PantsOffDanceOff · September 2011

Mrs_W_Pookie:

PantsOffDanceOff:
I was an ooops baby. My parents had me young and then got divorced 2 years later. I'm sure that it would have been a better situation and perhaps they could have stayed together were it not for having me so young. I don't feel bad about it, *** happens.

See, what I don't understand is why parents feel the need to divulge that information though. Or was it more of you just figuring it out on your own?

They never said I was the reason they divorced or struggled, it was obvious that some of the issues they faced could have been avoided had they been better prepared, more mature and more financially stable before expanding the family.

PantsOffDanceOff · September 2011

Madisen:
I've got an oops baby inside me. I don't foresee it ever coming up with her though. She'll be loved just as much as James is.

It's my understanding you guys weren't avoiding right? I don't really see that as an oops if that is the case.

PantsOffDanceOff · September 2011

Mrs_W_Pookie:
jenhappy:

I think it depends on the context/attitude of telling them. If it's "oops, you ruined my life," maybe not so much.. If it is "oops, but I'm so glad you're here!" then I think it's fine.

I agree that the context definitely makes a difference. I just don't understand why some parents feel like it's necessary to tell their kids they were never meant to be. It makes me sad

I don't really see it that way. It doesn't make me feel bad to know that I wasn't planned, they feel that I am the best thing they ever did together.

jenhappy · September 2011

I don't think anyone sits down and goes, "ooh! I'm'unna tell my kid he was an accident!" but sometimes it comes up in conversation. My mom was 19 when she got pregnant with my brother. When we did the math and realized how old she was, we asked why she didn't wait until later and didn't she feel so young to be a mom etc.. Sure, she could've lied and said that she felt completely prepared to be a mother at 19 and they had tried for months to get pregnant and were elated when it happened, but (a) who wants to outright lie to their kid, and (b) who wants to tell their kid that 19 is a GRRREAT age to start a family?

PantsOffDanceOff · September 2011

jenhappy:
I don't think anyone sits down and goes, "ooh! I'm'unna tell my kid he was an accident!" but sometimes it comes up in conversation. My mom was 19 when she got pregnant with my brother. When we did the math and realized how old she was, we asked why she didn't wait until later and didn't she feel so young to be a mom etc.. Sure, she could've lied and said that she felt completely prepared to be a mother at 19 and they had tried for months to get pregnant and were elated when it happened, but (a) who wants to outright lie to their kid, and (b) who wants to tell their kid that 19 is a GRRREAT age to start a family?

Exactly. It just comes up as you get older and start to realize things and do the math.

Madisen · September 2011

PantsOffDanceOff:
Madisen:
I've got an oops baby inside me. I don't foresee it ever coming up with her though. She'll be loved just as much as James is.
It's my understanding you guys weren't avoiding right? I don't really see that as an oops if that is the case.

Uhhhh...I don't share everything here. You can take my word for it that it was an oops.

PantsOffDanceOff · September 2011

Madisen:

PantsOffDanceOff:
Madisen:
I've got an oops baby inside me. I don't foresee it ever coming up with her though. She'll be loved just as much as James is.
It's my understanding you guys weren't avoiding right? I don't really see that as an oops if that is the case.

Uhhhh...I don't share everything here. You can take my word for it that it was an oops.

I thought I remembered you saying you weren't avoiding, it must have been somebody else. Considering that 90% of the people on this board either just had babies or are pregnant, it's easy for me to get things mixed up.

clseale13 · September 2011

My mom had my sister when she was 17. Like others have said, when we were older & did the math, it was pretty obvious. We also have friends who's 3rd baby was a huge oops, but whenever it came up they called her an "unexpected blessing." I don't think that would ever be seen in a negative light.

LXLX · September 2011

PantsOffDanceOff:
jenhappy:
I don't think anyone sits down and goes, "ooh! I'm'unna tell my kid he was an accident!" but sometimes it comes up in conversation. My mom was 19 when she got pregnant with my brother. When we did the math and realized how old she was, we asked why she didn't wait until later and didn't she feel so young to be a mom etc.. Sure, she could've lied and said that she felt completely prepared to be a mother at 19 and they had tried for months to get pregnant and were elated when it happened, but (a) who wants to outright lie to their kid, and (b) who wants to tell their kid that 19 is a GRRREAT age to start a family?
Exactly. It just comes up as you get older and start to realize things and do the math.

I totally understand this and I don't like the judging going on in regards to what parents choose to tell their kids about how they were conceived. Unless of course the parent is using it to be verbally/emotionally abusive or hurtful, I don't see a problem. It happens. If I wasn't planned and it never came up, great. But if it did I'd rather know than have my parents lie to me.

Madisen · September 2011

Lucille Bluth:
PantsOffDanceOff:
jenhappy:
I don't think anyone sits down and goes, "ooh! I'm'unna tell my kid he was an accident!" but sometimes it comes up in conversation. My mom was 19 when she got pregnant with my brother. When we did the math and realized how old she was, we asked why she didn't wait until later and didn't she feel so young to be a mom etc.. Sure, she could've lied and said that she felt completely prepared to be a mother at 19 and they had tried for months to get pregnant and were elated when it happened, but (a) who wants to outright lie to their kid, and (b) who wants to tell their kid that 19 is a GRRREAT age to start a family?
Exactly. It just comes up as you get older and start to realize things and do the math.
I totally understand this and I don't like the judging going on in regards to what parents choose to tell their kids about how they were conceived. Unless of course the parent is using it to be verbally/emotionally abusive or hurtful, I don't see a problem. It happens. If I wasn't planned and it never came up, great. But if it did I'd rather know than have my parents lie to me.

I agree with this. Not foreseeing it ever coming up is not the same as not talking about it if it does come up and we definitely wouldn't lie about it.

Martiza · September 2011

My parents told my sister and me that our brother was an unexpected surprise. They told us when talking about birth control. My mom bluntly said it reduces the chances and the only 100% way to not get pregnant was abstinence.

Mrs_W_Pookie · September 2011

I don't know if I have properly articulated my feelings on this topic. I think that if the topic comes up, it is perfectly okay for a parent/parents to be honest with their children. I just don't understand situations in which parents relay this information to be purposely hurtful.

LXLX · September 2011

Well of course not. Why would any parent purposefully hurt their child? That's like saying, "I don't understand why a parent would hit their child." But that's not how it came off in your previous responses.

Mrs_W_Pookie · September 2011

Lucille Bluth:
Well of course not. Why would any parent purposefully hurt their child? That's like saying, "I don't understand why a parent would hit their child." But that's not how it came off in your previous responses.

That's why I wanted to clarify. When I re-read what I wrote previously I think I made it sound like I don't agree with telling a child the circumstances of their conception/birth period. Definitely not what I meant. My apologies if I offended anyone.

duncanpowers · September 2011

I think any parent who makes it clear that a child was a mistake (which they can even when it is planned, like, "we were trying but I never should've had children") rather than a blessing is a douche.

LXLX · September 2011

I imagine an unplanned child can certainly be a mistake and a blessing.

duncanpowers · September 2011

I agree with that, and as long as that part of it is expressed, that's fine, although I would never let the word 'mistake' cross my lips to a child in any context. I knew a girl in middle school who heard that a few times from her mom, and that was all her preteen angst needed to hear. She couldn't even hear the rest of it. She'd already attempted suicide several times by 13.

Kristin&Adam · September 2011

It took my parents 2 years to get pregnant with me, so I don't fall into that category.. but I have an aunt who regularly tells her kids that she never wanted children and the only reason she had them is to keep her husband. Um, yeah.. I have an issue with that. (And it's no wonder her kids are seriously screwed up.)

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