Omaha Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How to divorce...
Hi all,
I've been a lurker for quite some time, not very active on the boards, but I really need some direction. My 13-year marriage recently disintegrated before my eyes. In just a matter of weeks, it's now over. (I've come find out, it was over for months, if not years, but I was unaware of that due to all of his lies.)
What advice to you have for someone like me? I've been meeting divorce attorneys, but for lack of really wanting to admit to myself that this is my new path, I haven't really moved forward, other than kicking him out. I know I need to get papers filed and finish purging him from my life, but... needless to say I'm overwhelmed. Where do I start?
It _will_ be okay in the end.
If it is not okay, than it is not the end.
Re: How to divorce...
Ditto PP. No advice but big hugs! And sending you pats on the back for facing reality too and choosing NOT to stay stuck. You are strong!
I hope that others with experience will post some good advice here!
I can write that I'm a huge fan of good counseling and/or good life-coaching. I don't have any Omaha recs, but think seeing someone would be very beneficial, and worth the $.
I know that how we "frame" the events in our lives makes a big difference in their outcomes.
Sending positive vibes to you,
Sara
I don't have any real advice except to say protect yourself. Please put yourself first and make sure you are ok during the whole process. Emotions run high and can influence you. Counseling is a great idea as well.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. Please keep us posted and know we're here to listen.
love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
I'm so sorry.
The first thing I did when my marriage was falling apart was to get myself into counseling. I still see someone at the Methodist Women's Center every few weeks or so, just because. If you need a recommendation, feel free to PM me. Then I found myself an attorney. I have a rec for that too.
Like another poster said, I started in my home (we had just purchased a home together and moved in - he started cheating with someone he reconnected with at our housewarming party). I bought new furniture for the bedroom (we didn't have any when we moved) and painted. I painted everything. Everything that reminded me of him went to the basement (should have put it on the curb, most of the stuff is still down there).
I got my hair done, and started to have it done regularly. I went shopping and bought nice things for myself. I was seven months pregnant, so I couldn't really buy clothes, but I remember how happy it made me to buy myself this shiny cobalt patent Coach crossbody bag.
Basically-
Take care of yourself legally by hiring an attorney, and let him or her handle the divorce.
Take care of yourself emotionally and physically.
Oh... painting is a great idea! Inexpensive, physcially active, creative...
I like.
H and I have been separated for almost 10 months. Papers were filed but we haven't signed them. The bandaid is sloooooooowly being pulled off. If you need time to take baby steps file the papers and just wait. Sometimes you need that time to get accustomed to each little step of the way before taking that next step.
I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this. I know it is so damn hard, scary, exciting, lonely, and sad. You WILL survive though.
My fam has been great to keep me busy, and I'm not sure if they're so happy to have my time unrestricted, or afraid to let me sit and have too much free time. (And it's kinda getting to the point that I *need* some of my time, just to get back to maintaining the house and being home for my doggies after work!)
Thank you everyone for all the responses!
I had a hard time coming back to check in, with still not wanting to deal with this whole mess... but I really appreciate everyone's feedback!!
I have moved forward in filing and found that Nebraska has fantastic resources for doing a lot of it yourself, if able. (And I've found a great lawyer who is walking me through the DIY parts, too!)
I am going to try to put your ideas to work, getting my hair cut, which I had been putting off, and putting myself first many more times, which had not happened enough in quite a while.
I love the suggestions to move the furniture, paint and mix things up. I have been boxing his stuff up, to clear it out and make it less of a hassle when he does come for it. I am amazed this week at how much better it feels to just sit and even watch TV without all of "his stuff" on the walls around me!
I will keep you posted on how it goes... smoothly or not. Paperwork goes out for him to respond, and I hope there are no fireworks. (Not to mention our anniversary is in less than 2 weeks and I would like to just forget that the day has any significance this year.)