Family Matters
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"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
"donate to a charity of your choice...."
This is the second time I have seen a request like this. I've been invited to a birthday celebration where there is the request "in lieu of gifts, please donate to a charity of your choice" (the other time was a funeral where the request was in lieu of flowers).
With a request like that, should I donate to a charity of MY choice, or try to find a charity that the recipient would have chosen for a donation? Our interests aren't really compatible - she donates to animal causes and the arts, and I tend to give towards medical research and children's charities. Obviously, I wouldn't choose a cause that she is against.
In the other case, the deceased was a member of a local community volunteer organization in my town, so I gave to that.
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
Re: "donate to a charity of your choice...."
If I got a request like this, I would view it as the person saying something like, "Even if I ask for no gifts, most of you are probably going to bring a little something anyway, so I'd rather the money go to a good cause than have all of you bring wine and flowers to my party."
I would try and pick a charity that each of us might support. In your case, for example, I might try to find a charity that enables children to experience the arts ... maybe supplying an underprivledged school with musical instruments, or something along those lines.
what about a kiva.org gift card so she can pick a 'charity' to give to and she can then re-loan the funds forever if they keep getting paid back.
I love this group and have been participating with Kiva since 2007 with fabulous results.
I think it's a great idea for your friend to do - better than asking you to donate to a specific charity that you might not agree with or support.
I like the idea of trying to find something that you both could support - a middle ground. Such as an animal center that trains service dogs or a horse center for special needs kids / children with autism.
However, if it were me, unless the donor gave to a charity that I totally opposed (a campain for a political candidate I did not support), I would be cool with whatever. It would be interesting to see where they gave. And I agree - better than getting a gift card or something I would not use. DH doesn't drink, and for his birthday I can't tell you how many bottles of wine he received - and cologne. So much better for people to give to a worthy cause - any cause!
I would go with something that seems to line up with her values, and yours. My grandfather died of pancreatic cancer, so instead of flowers, we donated to American Cancer Society. I think many people did that.
If my DH did this for his birthday, people would most likely donate to Smile Train because he was born with a cleft lip & palate. I don't think most people are really *against* charities, so you should be safe with whatever you choose. I would just try to go with something that has extra meaning to her.
Overall, I doubt your friend objects to cancer research, etc. And I doubt you object to pets or the arts:) I have given Kiva cards to my sister and she loves them.