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I know I'm not supposed to judge, but....
I'm feeling kind of judgy and confused right now. I went on date last night with I thought was the first normal guy I've met. Good job, good education, cute, nice, tall, hasn't asked me about my undergarments, actually picked up the phone and called me before the date instead of just texting. All of these things added up to I thought was going to be a pretty nice date. I got there and the date was nice, our conversation flowed, we laughed, at one point I brought out my phone because he said he liked the color of my hair. I politely informed him that it would be changing this weekend to a brighter red, pulled out my phone to show a picture off of my facebook page. He told me I should find him and friend him on fb. Since the date was going so well, I though why not? When we left he ask me out again for Wednesday night, to which I accepted.
Ok, here's where my judgyness comes into play. He accepted my friend request today so I went and looked on his page, and there's all these posts about his daughter will be here in 10 weeks, and he just wishes that he and the mother were getting along? I'm pretty sure he mentioned not once, but several times that he didn't have any kids. Shouldn't one on the way be disclosed?!? I feel like this is something you tell someone you are trying to date? This isn't like my ex-husband's death where I wait to tell men, because that does scare men off. This is different, way different.
Re: I know I'm not supposed to judge, but....
I can understand perhaps omitting that information on the first date but if he specifically mentioned that he didnt have kids I would be pretty taken back to find out that he has one due in 2mo. Why lie about having children?
I would either call him up or ask him about it on your Wednesday date and see what he says. However, it sounds like you would be in for some major baby mama drama...
My thoughts exactly!
Well, techincally he doesn't have kids....yet. So, it does sound sort of fishy, but maybe he didn't want to scare you off. Maybe the reason he suggested FB was so you would "find out" there, and give you time to process it.
What I would be more worried about is how long has he actually been single? Did he get the mom pregnant, then flee? Or was the baby a mutual thing, but just didn't work out. I would think he would have been in a (serious) relationship less than 6 months ago - so moreso how he was going to handle the parenting situation would worry me more. (would the mother be a pain once the baby comes or would she want him back if you guys started dating? etc.)
I would definitley talk to him about it before completely dropping him. I am sure he is worried about what a date thinks about his situation, therefore didn't want to bring it up on date #1. You two obviously clicked, so I think it's worth talking about it with him.
This is what I was thinking.
If it's the last girl he dated, I know they date for a year, and just broke up in May. He told me why she broke up with him, and she seems like an extremely shallow person. She broke up with him because she said he had gained too much weight. He's lost like 50 lbs since May doing crossfit and boot camp. He said he would never date her again because of her reasons of breaking of with him.
I guess I just need to ask him, because I could have sworn he said numerous times that he didn't want to have kids until he met the right person, and was married. This doesn't make any sense to me, at all. I usually very good at reading people.
this
My thoughts exactly.
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Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
This is my vote too!
i'd just ask him about the situation. there are plenty of good people in the world who have accidental pregnancies, and i can imagine that in a first-date type situation, there is simply NO easy way to bring up something like that.
maybe that's why he wanted you to friend him on FB. so he wouldn't have to bring it up.
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I can see both sides of this.
When I started dating after my son was born, I didn't mention to anyone that I had a child. Although, I was so young most guys didn't even consider asking. I dated one guy for almost 4 months before I dropped the bomb on him. Even then, I never introduced him to my son because I knew it wasn't serious. I honestly don't think kids should become a factor unless you can see yourself settling down with this person.
Although, the fact that you asked and he outright lied about it seems odd to me. He probably doesn't want to scare you off. I'm not sure too many women would stick around knowing he has a little one on the way. In fact, I would assume there is a good chance they would be getting back together if the break up is that fresh. I wouldn't want to be rebound girl and I am sure many others would feel the same.
So, it really is up to you. If you are just looking for some fun then maybe try again. If you are looking to settle down and get serious, this probably isn't the guy. Sounds like a lot of baggage. He might be a great person but the timing really sucks.
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