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Can I get your opinion on this please? Women wanting babies

I have always said that I was never going to have children, it's just not something I see for myself.  Then again I always said I never wanted to get married too and here we are.

Anyway whenever someone finds out that I don't plan on having kids, I am always told that I will change my mind as I get older.  Then they tell me a story about So-and-so who always said she didn't want to have kids and then she hit X-age and her biological clock started ticking and all of a sudden she wanted kids.  Now she has kids and she is sooooo happy she can't believe she ever didn't want them.

 

Anyway my question is:   Do you think this is true? Do you think most women who have at some point said they didn't want children change their mind when their 'biological clock' starts ticking?

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."

Re: Can I get your opinion on this please? Women wanting babies

  • Interesting question!  Personally, I go back and forth pretty much daily about my feelings on having kids.

    I think the answer is, of course, yes and no.  Some women (and men, for that matter) don't want kids and never will.  Other women don't think they want them, but later on decide that they do want them, for whatever reason.  I think your life circumstances have a lot to do with this as well.  If you're busy, happy, and living a jet-setting lifestyle, I can see how you might never want kids.  But if you're just doing the daily grind, I can also see how it might wear at you over time and you start to feel like "something is missing."  I also think that humans, in general, tend to doubt themselves any time they are going against "the norm".  Whether or not you give in to that doubt and pop out a kid is entirely up to you.  :o)  Some people (i.e. your friends), just can't fathom the idea that life can be great and fulfilling without offspring, so they tell you stories like the ones you've heard.

    Also, I think your relationships with other family and friends have a huge impact on this.  Frankly, having kids fills a LOT of your time and provides you with people to spend time with and care for you when you're older.  It gives you a very specific purpose, if nothing else.  When you don't have kids, you really need to have another outlet and source of love/companionship in your life.  This is not to say that life without kids has no purpose.....you just have to find a different goal and purpose than what most people have.  Also, save your pennies because you're paying for your own nursing home.  (Sorry if that sounds crass, but it's true!)

    DH told me the other night that we could probably retire 5-10 years earlier if we don't have kids.  Indifferent  My first thought was, "Sign me up!"  lol.  Or maybe I will sell my kids into slave labor to make up the difference.  Wink

  • I think people pass on the stories they want to share.  I'm sure for every story of "Jane Doe" who changed her mind and is thrilled she now has kids, there is a story of "Mary Sue" who stuck with her plan and is equally happy. (I can think of 2 right now.) I echo Mardoll with the sentiment that they just fill their lives with something else.  To each her own.
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  • imagemardoll10:

    Also, save your pennies because you're paying for your own nursing home. (Sorry if that sounds crass, but it's true!)

    DH told me the other night that we could probably retire 5-10 years earlier if we don't have kids.  Indifferent  My first thought was, "Sign me up!"  lol.  Or maybe I will sell my kids into slave labor to make up the difference.  Wink

     

    Shouldn't be a problem. LOL

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  • Just like everything in life, it's true for some women and not true for others.  Some women want kids less and less as they get older and more set in their lives. 

    There are people out there that cannot fathom not having children or someone not wanting them. That's okay, they can have them.  I know several people that never had kids and will not (they are older now) and they are perfectly happy with that decision. 

    Bottom line is, there are many people out there that think they know better than you what you want. This doesn't just apply to having children.  Eh, let them think they know better, smile and just move on. ;) If you try to convince them otherwise, you are usually wasting your breath.

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  • imagelatte5:

    Just like everything in life, it's true for some women and not true for others.  Some women want kids less and less as they get older and more set in their lives. 

    There are people out there that cannot fathom not having children or someone not wanting them. That's okay, they can have them.  I know several people that never had kids and will not (they are older now) and they are perfectly happy with that decision. 

    Bottom line is, there are many people out there that think they know better than you what you want. This doesn't just apply to having children.  Eh, let them think they know better, smile and just move on. ;) If you try to convince them otherwise, you are usually wasting your breath.

    This exactly, especially the last bit.

    The biological urge to have kids is really strong, and will eventually come out in a lot of cases.  In a lot of other cases, it won't. 

    imageLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • DH and I used to tell people we were leaning towards not having any kids and people were just SHOCKED!  They said "oh you'll change your mind."  At the time is pissed me off they would say that.  However, we did change our minds and love our son dearly.  BUT, I do know many women who never had kids for one reason or another and they're still completely happy.  My husband's aunt and her husband never had kids and they travel, retired early, have a beautiful home full of non-child-friendly things, etc.  Having kids isn't for everyone.

    I think many people who say they don't want kids end up having kids, but people trying to convince you your life is empty without the pitter patter of little feet...well, they should keep their opinions to themselves.  To each their own.  My grandma used to tell me "if everyone one had the same opinions and likes, how would you ever find your car in the parking lot??"

  • This is probably just reiterating what everyone else has said, but I think it honestly just depends on the person.  Every woman is different and therefore has different goals/ambitions that guide the way they live their life.  I think having kids has just become part of the "white picket fence" dream that people imagine for their lives, and other people's lives as well.  It's hard for those people to imagine that others can actually be happy and content (gasp!) without having kids of their own.  To each their own.
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  • I think that if the reason you don't want kids is because you have no desire whatsoever to be a mother, then you will not change your mind.  However, I think that if your reason is more related to your lifestyle and not seeing children fitting into your current lifestyle, then you are more likely to change your mind.  I think in general, you have to be real with yourself about why you don't want kids.  If you don't have an explicit reason besides "I never saw that for myself" there is a good possibility you may change your mind.
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