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BIL Issues
So I invited my BIL and his gf over a few weeks ago for dinner because they just moved into town (about 20 minutes drive) and have been eating out for weeks, plus have hardly any furniture. I ask them to dinner at our house early in the week and they both tell me they will make it later in the week for dinner. I planned a nice meal, purchased all the food, and was really getting excited to make a dinner for more than just DH and I. The morning of our planned dinner, they cancel on me because BIL scheduled something last minute and forgot. Fine. I was disappointed, but no need to push it.
Now this week, BIL is calling my DH every day this week to invite us over to their place for dinner - except, BIL doesn't want to make "plans," he would rather just call us on some random day this week and give us an hours notice (BIL's exact words). BIL even tried to call us one night this week at about 4pm and offer to make dinner for that night, but he didn't know what to make. Obviously my DH said no thanks. Meanwhile, BIL knows DH and my routine and that I make dinner practically every night. Plus, we aren't the ones who just moved in and don't even have pots and pans. I was a bit insulted that he doesn't think we have lives or that we are worth making advance plans with (not even a day or 12 hours ahead of time).
BIL has really been acting weird and has cancelled on more than one family thing in the past couple months, not just the dinner. He cancels for not very good reasons, IMHO. Also, when he cancels, it automatically means his gf (of nearly 3 years) is not coming either. I mean, she is welcome to things if BIL can't make it (I've even told her this myself).
So, I don't really have a problem, but does any of this sound interesting to you guys? I will be waiting to see how this situation unfolds.
EDIT: I almost forgot...BIL also went out to a sporting event in the city we live and invited all his friends, gf, and everything, but didn't even invite his brother (my DH) who also loves the team. When DH asked him why he wasn't invited, BIL said its because the tickets were expensive for where they were sitting and that he thought my DH would be too tired to go since we had just gotten back from a trip. So, he basically assumed that we don't have money to afford the tickets (not at all true and BIL knows it) and assumed my DH would be too tired to sit and watch a game.
EDIT 2: Yeah, this is probably more of a rant. I am a planner, so last minute expectations do irk me a bit. There are just so many things that add up over time that just make you wonder about others sometimes. Obviously you can't fit everything in one message post. But thanks for putting me in check guys. I am going to try to let things go a little more and if plans work out with BIL, then fine. If not, whatever! 
Re: BIL Issues
Ditto Curly. I think you are taking your BIL's actions too personally and IMO it's not really your business what he does. So what if he does everything last minute? I think you expecting him to change to be like you and your DH is unreasonable. I also don't see what the problem about going to a dinner a few hours after you are invited is either. We plan our meals, but if something comes up at thet last minute and we're asked to go out, we just bump our dinner back to another night.
You expect him to be like you and DH, but you won't give a little by going to an unexpected dinner? I understand if you have plans you would decline, but I don't see why you'd decline just because he asks you at 4pm.
I'm w/ curly and doglove 100%. You're taking this WAY too personally.
Now, I know people who are similar to your BIL and it's hard to make plans with them. It's frustrating - I get that. But I know it's not about ME, and I also look at it as their loss.
Also, the thing w/ the game? Really? you called BIL out on that? Wow - good. Now your DH is "that guy" who your BIL now has to paranoid about "what if I don't invite him? But I don't want to- this is a friend event. But if he finds out, he'll be upset....". Yeah....
Also, when he cancels, it automatically means his gf (of nearly 3 years) is not coming either. I mean, she is welcome to things if BIL can't make it (I've even told her this myself).
Really? You're expecting her to come alone? Even w/o their track record, I don't see an issue w/ this at all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You need to make a choice here - do you want to see BIL and his gf? Or do you want to see them ON YOUR TERMS?
I get that the last minute cancellation is rude. Definately. But you know how they are, so you can navigate around them.
You wanted them to come early in the week, they said "later in the week is better." Well, if it wasn't better for you, then tell them "sorry, that won't work for me, next time." Don't re-arrange your schedule around them b/c you know how they are. Even better, invite them for things like cook-outs and bbq's when you won't be doing a lot of work, and if they don't show, you'll still have a good time with everyone else.
As for their invitations - don't get caught up on they didn't see you, so you can't see them. If you need notice (which I have no problem with), then when they invite you last minute, tell them "sorry, I have dinner in the crockpot already." or whatever. Have your H train them that unless you get at least 24 hours notice, you really don't feel like driving there at the last minute. But also - if they are only 20 minutes away, and you don't feel like cooking, why not drive over? If you already have chicken purchased, it will keep for one more day.
Your BIL should not feel obligated to invite your dh out. They are allowed to have different friends.
Ditto PPs ... you're taking this entirely too personally and you're also making a hell of a lot of assumptions.
It sounds like you just have a different personality than BIL. You like to plan ahead, schedule events with friends, and set plans in stone. BIL likes to fly by the seat of his pants. That doesn't make him a bad person. It also doesn't mean that he thinks you're poor or that you're unworthy of his advance plans.
If he wants to get together but doesn't want to set a time, then say, "O.K., we'll be at home on Saturday from noon until 4 p.m. So if you want to get together during that time just call us." And calling you the day-of an event isn't an insult ... MH and I are part of a group of very close friends, and we usually make plans a few hours in advance. Just a couple days ago I was leaving work and he called me to say that the group wanted to have a birthday dinner in about two hours for one of the girls. My friends have demanding jobs and personal errands to do, and sometimes they don't know until a few hours beforehand if they're even up to going out for the night. So why make plans a week in advance if someone is just too tired from work and has to cancel 20 minutes before we're supposed to meet them?
I get what you're saying - he and his GF sound like flakes. But quite honestly, you seem pretty uptight and rigid from this post. Like a PP said, just put dinner in the fridge on one or two occasions and go hang out with them, and eat it the next day. Or pick up some takeout or something. Relax a little bit.
This guy is going to drive you crazy, if you let him. Yes, it's annoying to be blown-off by a flakey relative. Admit that you're annoyed by the rudeness and move on. And I agree that its rude to be invited with an open-ended 'drop everything and come over now' plan.
As for the other stuff - all of the assumed insults that you don't have lives, plans, money or engery, just skip it. Really, you'll be so much happier. He's not a planner, and he seems to make really bad decisions in general. Those insults are only in your own mind. He hasn't made them.
And this is how he is, so adjust your expectations. He can invite you with one hour's notice and you can delcine each and every time. Say "Sorry, I already have dinner in the oven" enough times and he'll get the hint. If you were making something that will keep for another night, then say yes and go over for take-out or whatever he manages.
I love to host, and in the past I extended many invitationsto my SIL who wouldn't rsvp and when did, would cancel. She's still welcome anytime, but I don't include or invite her anymore. It wasn't a pleasant experience for me. Her loss. And things are much simplier now. I see her on the fly or not at all. I adjusted my expectations.