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Incredibly upset.
A couple months ago I posted that DH said he had work event the night of a friend's wedding and he told me he couldn't go to the wedding because of the work event. He eventually came to his senses and got out of the work event. Tonight's the friend's wedding. Last night at 10:30 he tells me that his coworker (he works in shifts, one week 6-2, one week 2-10) who was supposed to work 2-10 tonight called him and said his daughter had broken her ankle and was scheduled for surgery at 7 pm tonight and he would need to switch schedules with DH.
DH told him "But I have this wedding to attend, won't your wife be able to take your daughter to the surgery?", his coworker replied with "But I want to be there." DH said fine and now I'm stuck going to this wedding alone (ANOTHER time, this isn't the first time). I'm so angry.
This guy's wife can take their daughter to the surgery, it's for a broken ankle! Am I being totally inconsiderate? We had this date planned for months and I'm going through a terrible time right now and I was really looking forward to this and now I'm stuck going alone.
I'm so upset. I hate everything in my life right now. I've been breaking down and crying every single night, all I want to do is go home to the US and see my mom. I really can't deal with this.
Re: Incredibly upset.
Having gone through it myself, surgery for a broken ankle is kind of a big deal. I was 34 when I broke mine and I would have loved to have had my dad there.
I think being disappointed about having to go the wedding alone is OK, but being upset that the guy won't just let the wife go to the hospital is being unreasonable.
I think you're in a really hard place right now which makes it difficult to deal with disappointment like this. There is no one answer that would make everyone happy, unless there's another coworker who can work the shift in question.
Otherwise, I do agree with your DH's decision (unless it's a really close family member or friend), but I also completely understand why you are upset. Especially right now, when things are really fragile/touch and go, you really need your DH--even if someone else does too.
I feel so incredibly alone. My life has been revolving around a cycle of binging and purging and taking sleeping pills to try to forget. I'm crying right now writing this. I don't know what to do anymore.
DH had to work evenings last night, before he left he asked if he could "trust me" to not B & P. And what did I do as soon as he left? I really hate myself.
I would say that from the little girl's perspective, she would probably really want her dad there. (even more than you want your H at the wedding) She is probably scared and even with her mom, she would be wondering why her dad wasn't there. I'm not a parent, but I would imagine that even the most routine surgery being performed on your child would be an enormous source of stress and anxiety.
That being said, you are not an unreasonable b*tch for being upset about it. I would be very pissed off myself.
With your group therapy, is there someone to call when you are feeling particularly vulnerable? If you really need someone to talk to, I could send you my number. I'm a good listener
Aww, ktkl, I'm so sorry. I don't think you're being a b!tch, you're in a fragile state and it's normal to have those feelings and vent. Is it possible to take someone else to the wedding? I know that's frowned upon, but I can't imagine a friend of yours not understanding (or even caring on her wedding day).
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are working on things and it's going to take time and you may have setbacks now and again. It doesn't mean you have failed. Your next meal is an opportunity to get back on track.
I have nothing to add that others' haven't already said, but wanted to send some hugs! I'd probably be upset in that situation as well even if my mind was telling me it was irrational. You also have a lot going on right now which I'm sure makes it more frustrating.
The other ladies had some great advice. HUGS!
I'm really sorry that you're having such a hard time right now. When things aren't going well, I totally understand that small setbacks can seem impossible to handle. I do think your DH made the right call, 11 is pretty young and I'm sure there's a good reason she wants her dad there (personally, my mom isn't the greatest in a crisis so I've always run to my dad for that sort of thing) but that doesn't mean you don't have a right to be upset.
I think it's really important for you to make sure you have someone to call when you're feeling upset. Just to make sure you take a deep breath and take a minute to think before doing anything.
(((hugs)))
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I am really sorry you are in a hard place right now. I know things are touch and this is one more thing. Whilst I think your DH made the right choice, you are still allowed to be disappointed.
I would call your therapist, as pineapples suggested. It sounds like maybe you need a sponsor and someone that you can talk to, especially when you are upset.
Things will get better. ((((hugs))))
I agree with every word Mrs DRJ said.
Hugs!
+1
***hugs***
I agree with this. So sorry you're going through this rough time, it will get better. Your therapist and group can help. ((hugs))
You need to get some help, ktk. Life is too damn short to live so miserably. Start by calling your therapist, then it sounds like major changes are needed.
It doesn't have to be like this! You deserve to not be miserable.
GL and hugs to you.
2012 Reading Challenge
Now Nesting from Chicago, IL My nail blog:
K I'm really worried about you. Did you tell your therapist that you're talking sleeping pills?
I second what everyone said. You're in a difficult place right now but things will get better. We're always here to listen and support you. We're all so proud of the progress you've made so far. It's ok to slip up a little, you'll get back on track soon enough. ((Hugs))
I would be upset too, but your H made the right call. Surgery is scary for kids.
Could your H come to meet you at the wedding later for some drinks and dancing?
I also agree with what wiserita said. Life is too short. You need to take care of yourself. Hugs.
Calling for help is more than ok, it's the right choice to make. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and you deserve the help to be that.
I'm sorry your DH can't go with you. This snag wasn't his fault, wasn't your fault, wasn't anyone's fault. It sucks and it's ok to be upset about that. Any of us would.
I haven't told my therapist about the sleeping pills.
I didn't go the wedding, I couldn't even get out of bed today, but at least I didn't b & p.
I'm going to my psychiatrist tomorrow morning.