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Discuss this with me: can I ask H to get a snip snip? (long)
I went to the lady doctor yesterday and we had a really good conversation. The 3 options that we felt good about are:
1. Stay on depo and keep monitoring my bone density for the next few years till the smaller IUD gets approved by the FDA (2014?) and get the smaller IUD then. If my bone density gives out between now and then we'll have a different bridge to cross then, but for now, she's ok with approving me for another year of depo.
2. Go to Belgium (I'm being serious!) to get the smaller IUD inserted now. She feels 100% comfortable with me doing this. She looked in to it and the one in Belgium is the exact one the FDA is looking at approving now and it's the exact IUD that's already on the market, but smaller. I would have to pay for the IUD out of pocket, but I'd get a trip to Europe out of it too. Then when it needs to be replaced in 5 years the smaller one will be approved here and the replacement will be covered by insurance.
3. I get Cryoblatoin (essentially freezing my uterus and killing the tissue and turning my uterus to a uterus Popsicle- stopping my periods forever) and H gets snipped. We'd have to do both things to achieve the no periods and no kids result we want.
Here's my dilemma, H and I are only 29. Without a doubt in my mind, I know that I don't ever want children. I do worry about H though. I know that he doesn't want kids, but what if he wants them 10 years from now and he gets a snip now and he can't have them later? I would feel so guilty that I took something like that away from him. I don't want him to resent me for not getting to experience something like that.
With option 1 (staying on depo till the FDA approves the smaller IUD) I feel nervous bc who knows how long it's really going to take. They're expecting approval around 2014, but what if it doesn't come?
With option 2 I just don't have time to take 2 weeks and go to Europe any time soon. If I were going to do this, I'd like to do it within the next year or so, but between work and everything else, I just don't know when I'd have time to go.
I'm seriously leaning towards the permanent option 3, but I just don't know if this is something that I can ask H to give up so early.
Thoughts?
Re: Discuss this with me: can I ask H to get a snip snip? (long)
if your h wants kids, and you don't.......how would he achieve this goal?
snip *is* reversible, although not 100% guaranteed, and it's not cheap....but all it takes is one little swimmer. can he bank the goods? i don't know how much that costs, but i know it's possible.
if your dr feels comfortable with belgium, then go for it. i haven't done any research on it, so i don't know the safety, etc over all of it. i would say do your research on it....but this is the one i would lean to.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
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If he ever wants kids and I don't, we've already agreed that we'd go to counseling and talk it through. Ultimately though, if we couldn't come to an agreement then we'd probably have to part ways. If he wants to be a dad, that's not something that I'm ok with taking away from some one. And being a mom is a life change that I don't want.
My doc told me yesterday the snip should be covered by our insurance. I haven't actually looked in to this though.
i've heard that the snip is covered....i meant the banking of his swimmers that i didn't know how much it would cost.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
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jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
I read somewhere that freezing your eggs is some where in the neighborhood of $10k (from start to finish), so I'm guessing it can't be cheap?
how sure is H that he doesn't want kids in the future?
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
In terms of your overall long-term health, I'd say go for either the IUD or the cryo-thingy. Depo is icky stuff, and you don't want it in your body forever. The IUD is a simple and effective form of birth control, but not all women tolerate them well (meaning if they're placed incorrectly or your body reacts to them, they can cause major issues).
That being said, how does your H feel about being snipped? Would he rather spend the rest of his life with you and not be a dad, or does he think he'll change his mind and want to be a dad 10 years from now? It's definitely important to get his feedback on the issue, since it will really effect his life. The other thing is, if he really feels the need to have a "kid", he can always volunteer his time to do stuff with kids - ie coach soccer, be a Big Brother, or you could always be a foster family to needy children - that way he gets the "dad" thing, but the kids aren't yours and are temporary.
But back to the medical aspect of it - Jenn is right, the snip is reversible, but again - not guaranteed to work. And if he does get it reversed, does that mean you'd have the baby?
This is a huge, major life decision for you guys, and you need to talk about it at length - possibly get counseling for it before you go through with anything permanent. That way both of you feel like your concerns were heard and put out there on the table, and worked on.
Hope that helps!
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He says he's pretty sure too, but I don't think he's as sure as I am.
He says that if this is something that I really want and it's best for us then he'd get snipped, but I'd rather him want (would this ever happen even or am I dreaming?) the snip on his own. I don't want him to ever resent me over this.
Counseling is a really good idea. I don't know why I didn't think about that earlier.
Thanks Picks!
I think Picks has a great recommendation of counseling.
My biggest concern would be if he got snipped and something happened to you and then he's alone and has to start his life over. I know that's kind of drastic, but I've seen it happen.
Ugh. I didn't even think of that.
I don't think I can ask him to do something like this. The more I think about it I feel really selfish asking for this.
That's a really good point. I didn't even think of that one. I'd make the time to go to Europe. It sounds like the smallest health risk for all of you.
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It seems like everything has been discussed but I'd like to weigh in. I don't suggest doing anything permanent. The uterus popcicle sounds perm and I worry. Even though you think you're sure, I'd just stay on depo until next year.. a lot can change in a year.
Also, what my doc said when I was on depo is that we still can improve our bone density when we're less than 40, so if something is happening where your losing bone density, you still have options to reverse the effects.
Don't do anything drastic yet. I'd wait until you're atleast 35 to make any serious decision.
Is 35 an arbitrary number or is there a reason behind 35?
completely arbitrary.
i just want you to wait atleast 5 years.. because a lot can happen in a few months.. 5 years just seems like forever. plus, who knows, if something happens to jennlin and you get her dogs and her babies (by then it better be 5 babies) you might wanna add to the group with one from you and H.
just saying.. anything can happen.
lol.
i know i'm silly. but you should wait. and also, jenn better get a move on if she wants to knock out 27 while she's able. probably after 4 though she'll start having multiples.
do you guys remember jodyplustwinsx2? LOL! and the turkey baster necklace? i'm such an effing b.
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I do! I remember stalking her photog's blog to see what kind of wedding that ended up being.
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wait what is this?!
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I remember her, but I don't remember the turkey baster necklace. Please explain.
I haven't heard of the uterine popsicle before. Your periods are HELL on you, right? Am I remembering that correctly? My concern with the uterine popsicle is that won't that bring on early menopause? As much as periods suck, I understand from a LOT of women that menopause sucks worse. Plus, the hormone replacement therapy for menopause can really wreck havoc as well...(least of which is sprouting masculine hairs, ew!).
It sounds to me like the Belgium option really sounds like the best for you. Plus, Europe!
As for snip-snip, it is reversible but not 100% guaranteed. Your H could definitely freeze his little swimmers and it's nowhere NEAR the cost of the freezing eggs. I believe most of the cost with eggs is due to the procedure for harvesting. Harvesting swimmers just takes a little lotion and maybe a magazine or video
wait what, i ALWAYS wanted to know.. you knew her photog??? WE NEED INSIDER INFO!!! new thread!
this is comforting. a friend of mine married an older man with the snip. she wanted kids....i hadn't asked her about it in years though because i know it was a sensitive subject, and they were still discussing whether or not they wanted to get married because of it.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
UW - I have had a lot of discussions about this with h/gyn for other reasons and my advice would be the small IUD in Berlin. From what I have seen healthcare there is very cautious and a lot of things we use here "off label" are already approved there and think most people would be comfortable with them. I would honestly avoid anything permanent, you never know how you will feel in 5 years. An IUD will help control bad period symptoms and prevent pregnancy without log term effects.
If you "froze yourself" would you have to take hormones? Would it put you in menopause? That was a worry for me looking at options and I knew I didn't want anything that required replacement hormones.
Good luck with whatever you do - if you go to Germany and we are there... Drink giant beers with me?
It looks like you might be able to get the smaller IUD in canada: http://iud-divas.livejournal.com/1850902.html
I would email them since it looks like their website isn't updated.
i think she should still tell her h it's only avail in berlin.
♥ bfp1 06/14/2011 ♥ edd 02/22/2012 ♥
♥ baby jennlin born on 02/15/2012 ♥
who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?
honeymoon bio ♥ married bio ♥ planning bio
jumped ship to the new and improved nest. back to TB for baby boards.
Totally, Berlin is awesome.
Thanks Koosh. I looked at it and it's the wrong one. The right one is only available in the EU. Sigh.
You could wrap it into a vacation - the recovery is really not bad!