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Sigh. My mother.
I get really tired of her making what I think are negative remarks about my marriage. Yes, I am clearly opinionated. Yes, I am clearly independent. But no, that does not mean that I "run over" my husband to get "my way." It is SO annoying when she makes comments like this and is part of the reason why I avoid her (that and she can act BSC when she isn't on her meds). I don't understand why she finds it hard to believe that DH and I communicate and are on the same page - we are best friends (and got married) because we have the same taste, like to do the same things, have the same overall life "plan", and like to spend time together. Her marriage is different than mine, it is NOT at all want out of a marriage but I don't say things to her like "God, I can't imagine being married to someone that I argue with constantly - that sounds exhausting." It is NONE of my business. She used to get my brother's wife in on this too - her and my mother have the SAME type of marriage - it is RUDE.
Do your families make comments about your marriage? How do you handle it?
Re: Sigh. My mother.
Ugh. That would drive me nuts. Thankfully they keep their mouths shut, but DH's family is really easy going (so they don't care what we do) and mine is kind of used to me being the opinionated one (since I'm just like both of them.)
Occasionally my dad says something about DH not being more "handy" when I ask how to do something like fix a faucet. I usually just reply with, "Well, if I want him to scrub the toilets half the time I need to fix the faucets half the time." My dad likes that, because he thinks I'm "spunky" but is still flummoxed how DH (like lots of guys in this generation, I think) can't just magically fix plumbing/cars/broken appliances.
My mom really can't or won't do anything until she has my dad's "permission." I know she doesn't see it that way, but that is how it is. Given that I do about whatever I want, I think she assumes that I must be rolling over DH to do stuff because my father rolls over her. If that makes any sense?!? My brother is the same way towards his wife. I think it is the "bread winner" menality, maybe. We don't operate that way.
And then of course there is a part of me that is like "OMG, do I roll over him? Does he go to bed at night seething because I boss him around constantly?" I think no, and we have talked about it and he gets really fired up about the comments she makes so maybe not.
My MIL - and apparently, H's grandmother, too - have made lots of unsolicited comments about our marriage. Luckily, I don't ever see either of them, so I'm pretty far removed; I usually hear about them from H or other people, which is fine with me.
When those types of comments roll through, H and I talk about them and then ignore them. Listening to that won't make our marriage any better, and I really don't like arguing with them because we just wind around in circles and don't get anything accomplished. Sigh.
Nope, they don't say a thing. I don't give them anything to use. It's none of their business how we operate.
My mom's been driving my sister, some relatives, and myself crazy lately with her incredibly negative, Debbie-Downer attitude. Want to talk about the beautiful weather? No, let's talk about all the homes that burned down in Austin. Football? No, she doesn't watch it anymore because all of the players are drug addicts/money takers/alcoholics who are revered for being "role models." The only thing she wants to talk about is her dog. Her dog is the smartest, most amazing thing that has EVER happened to her.
Ever.
And I love my mother, too. I don't know where this stuff is coming from.
I agree.
My family doesn't make any comments about our marriage, but they don't really have any reason to. They love my H and are truly happy for us. I'm pretty sure my dad went through the whole "your stealing my little girl" thing, but it wasn't anything that caused comments or any problems.
H's family drives me nuts sometimes. H's brother and wife have had problems in the past. They often make comments about our relationship compared to theirs (ie.. I wish wife would sit by me on the couch. Wife wouldn't do that for me if she were here. If I made that comment, we would have fought for hours....and so on). We try to ignore it or make some sort of comment about how every relationship id different. H's mom sometimes asks if we are in love and stuff like that. I think she's worried that we will have the same problems. We are different people with a different relationship. We communicate (by talking and not yelling) with each other and work out any problems we might have. H reassures her that we do love each other and that we meant our vows. They usually aren't long conversations, but they are enough to be annoying.
Totally agree with this.
Do we have the same mother?
We went camping in Red River and met my parents up there not too long after we had lost our son. As we got close to our destination and were driving through the most beautiful mountainside, I lost it and started bawling about how I was sad we would never be able to take our son fishing and camping. By the time we arrived my face was pretty red and blotchy. When I got out of the car my parents automatically assumed we had been fighting and made some pretty rude comments.
We don't share any of our problems with my mom. She will jump at the slightest chance to bad mouth my husband even though she has never had a reason. I won't even get into how she ruined our wedding.
My parents
DH, but my in-laws are a different story. I've had many problems in the last 9 months-ish with my MIL gossiping about me behind my back or telling DH that I've "brain-washed" him (b/c he takes my side over hers when she is being rude), or somehow blaming me for all (that's right, all) of the problems in their family.
They don't make comments to me, though...they make them to my poor DH. Now he tries to talk to them as little as possible while still giving them access to their grandkids. How I deal: I do not speak to my MIL at all, I keep my conversations with my FIL very short and I don't say anything negative to my MIL or my FIL about them or how they act. I just keep allowing them to think that they are more perfect and better Christians than I am (b/c they truly believe that).
This article helped me a lot: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People