June 2008 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Save me. Save me now.
MIL is moving to town.
She's currently in CA...2000+ miles, 5+ hour plane ride, 3+ day drive away.
Now she'll be here...within a 15 minute drive.
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Re: Save me. Save me now.
My boring blog
I thought they openly despised Ohio?
Well, thinking positively maybe not having the 'you stole my son away from us' mentality and being close to you all (geographically, anyway) will help smooth things over? Dare to dream?!
I really think that at first there will be lots of excitement about being close! and visiting! but that'll wear off after everyone settles into a routine, I bet. They'll feel like they can see you 'whenever'. You know?
Our crazy, wonderful life
Oh yes, but horrible, no-good, awful, son-stealing state of Ohio is the only place that MIL could find a job! Who would've thought, huh?
FIL isn't moving with her, at least not right away--to "test the waters" here, they have a house in CA, etc. I don't think it'll last. FIL wanted to move to Oregon years ago, so they bought a house there, MIL moved, FIL travelled back and forth keeping his job in CA and never moved back permanently. MIL got sick of it and moved back to CA. I expect the same thing to happen with this.
I really hope MIL and FIL learn some boundaries though. FIL said that he wants a written agreement on seeing the kids whenever they want. Um, hello? We have our own lives too. I really don't think he was kidding either. DH did tell them that they can't just drop by whenever they want, but he did say they/MIL could see the kids at least once a week. My parents don't even see Taryn that often all the time! And I certainly am not spending every Sunday that my husband has off with his parents. We have our own family and need our own time.
I really don't know what to think of the whole situation. At times I think it could be good---like you said, getting rid of the son-stealing crap...but then I think of how bad it could be--thinking they're taking the kids whenever they feel like it, doing "special things" with them without letting us be involved (MIL wants to take Taryn to a play 2 days before I'm due, I said no because I would love to be apart of that and we can't say when I'll go into labor and her & FIL both got pissy about it), they don't think Taryn needs to follow our rules when they're around, etc.
Wow, that got long...sorry!
About this - and this is coming from someone who also has major MIL issues.....can you learn to be OK with this kind of thing? I mean like her or not she is Taryn's grandma and, despite your feelings about her, she's not going anywhere. I agree that you may not want MIL to take her for "firsts" that you want to be involved in (haircut, for example) but if MIL wants to take her for an afternoon to get lunch and shop...maybe not the worst thing? At a minimum you'll have two kids soon and you might welcome the break?
I know, I know, easier said than done but this is what I try to do with my MIL. TRY, because I don't always succeed. Sure, MIL personally drives me bat shiit insane, but I just try to write off her time with Jane and what it is....her time. I can tag along (but that means dealing with MIL) so I more often than not take the free babysitting
I understand what you're saying, but the thing is we can't trust them! DH brushes it off like a joke, but neither of us could put it past them to "kidnap" the kids! FIL even "threatened" that if we don't let them see the kids when they feel like it, they'll take us to court for custody because they "Have the right to the kids because they're the grandparents and we're just the parents and what (DH & I) say doesn't matter"! I kid you not!
Nut jobs I tell ya.
I should write a book about the things they say and do...I could use the money
Well, CLEARLY safety is the most important. My MIL is a crazy passive aggressive irritating person - - but she loves Jane and would never hurt her. If she wasn't, I'd be less tolerant, for sure. Sorry you have to deal with that mess. Put as much off on DH as you can, which I'm sure you do. His parents - his problem!
Good luck... Lots of good luck! At least you'll know you have a built in baby/pet/house sitter whenever you need it!
ETA: Okay, now that I read the posts before this one... Maybe cancel on the whole babysitting part. They sound like a couple of peaches. You're just the parents, so they, as grandparents have more say in things? Wow.
BFP 11/25/2009 ~ Blighted Ovum Discovered 12/10/2009 ~ Natural M/C 12/24/2009
BFP 3/29/2010 ~ EDD 11/25/2010
Sawyer Marshall ~ November 16, 2010
I feel ya!
As of Oct 1, mine will be living with me! AHHHH!
Life of mrsjanks
I'm so sorry.
Naylon and I have the same MIL issues and set-up. I let her spend time with Natalie, like tonight, while I do my thing. But, the thing is that I trust her, whereas your ILs sound nuttier than squirrel shiit. I do not blame you for not wanting them to be alone with your kids.
However, I think they're probably going to push the issue, so I would set something up for them that limits their abilities to do crazy stuff as much as possible while also allowing you to reap some of the benefits. So for instance... have dinner with them every other Sunday at their place our out, and then on the opposite Sundays, allow them to come babysit the kids at YOUR house while you and DH go to the movies, out to eat, on a drive, whatever. That way you guys all get your alone time, but they are on your turf so they might be less temped to do stupid or unsafe things. You'd have to tell them that they can't take the kids out of the house though, and who knows if they'd actually listen.
Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.