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Anyone else have a "what/only if" person? longish ramblings
I was just wondering, if any of you had this issue. I know one or two of my friends do, but sometimes you never know if you and your friends are all just screwed up, or if it happens everywhere.
My theory is that most everyone has someone, from a past romance, that they still think about... and wonder how it would play out if certain things were different. I had a dream the other night of some guy I dated 7 or 8 years ago. We went out a few times and I was really, REALLY into him. He was a member of my friend's family's church, where I'm known to help out with fairs or fundraisers, because these people are like my own family. He did the whole asking them for my number thing, instead of me.. and I thought it was as cute as he was. We hit it off, even though our first date was akward. What cause the weirdness? I just turned 21, and he was 29. He didn't realize my age. It seemed like a world away. We went out a few more times, but things sorta fell off. I saw him again 3 years ago (when J and I hit a bad spot) and he advanced on me again.. I almost accepted, but declined because, well, I'm married! And he had just broken up with a fiancee. But I'd be lying to say I didn't think about it.
Fast forward to today. I was helping out my friends again, and in he comes. I felt my heart leap into my throat, and flutter all over again. We spoke briefly, and he's now married to the woman he broke it off with. I looked at him, and kept thinking "if only I was 3 years older at the time.. none of it would've seemed strange or uncofortable" And "I wonder what would have become of all that" It may sound stupid, but he was everything I ever wanted in a mate.. And I'm sure he has his downfalls... But I found myself wondering what would have happened it I ended up with him, and not J. And now I feel terribly guilty, because he's away working this weekend, and I'm home wondering how different my life would be if I ended up with someone else... Maybe it's the bedbug frenzy, and I know I'd be in a comfortable house pest free, and not in a shiiithole. God now I feel worse.
Time for another beer.
Re: Anyone else have a "what/only if" person? longish ramblings
I do.
He was 2 years younger than me in high school. By the time I told him I liked him he was interested in a senior in a different school. So he chose her, they dated for a bit and then she dumped him. By the time that happened it was nearing the end of my senior year, and he didn't want to start something up when I would be leaving soon for college.
So we're 2 hours apart for 2 years, and by the time he graduated and was also moving to this side of the state for college I had met H and we were starting a brand new relationship.
Him and I are still friends, he came to our wedding, and gave a gift to Baby Rebel when I was able to see him after the birth.
We never even kissed. That is my one regret, that I never even got to kiss him. And sure I wonder how things would have been if he hadn't of turned me down, and we had a nice summer fling. But how can I really doubt a marriage that I'm extremely happy in and when I have a beautiful little boy who is everything? But every once in awhile I'll get wistful, and think "what if."
My Profile
I used to until I met H. A guy that was always after me in high school and I only wanted to be friends with. Then he moved away and became so hot as he got older. We stayed in touch and he visited when I was in college, but he was kind of mean to me (understandably since I only wanted him after her got hot). We still remained friends, but kind of faded out.
Then one day he googled my name and emailed me at work. I was dating/living with a guy I knew I didn't want to be with so I'm surprised I didn't make more of a move after that contact, but I didn't and we sort of faded out of contact again. I always thought about calling him, but he had a girlfriend at that time. Eventually one of us added the other on Facebook, but that was about it.
For some reason as soon as I met H I just stopped thinking about it. I just wasn't interested. We're still Facebook friends, but we don't really talk. I have no butterfly like feelings or anything when I see his pictures.
I do too. And firstly City, I don't think you should feel bad about it. Your feelings are your feelings, and afterall, we're only human! If you acted upon it, well, that's another story.
There was a boy in high school that I was totally head over heals for. He was perfect as a "boyfriend" because we had the same type of family and values. For those of you that are first generation american, I know you know what I mean. This is important with the "old school traditionals" that I have for parents. Anyway, we never dated or anything but he is the 1 person that I think about when I think of the "what if" scenario. We're friends on facebook which is nice but I certainly wish that when I was back in high school (before H) I had the gall to tell him how I felt and that I wanted to be together.
Me too I guess. But I know the answer to my question haha. In the summer of 2004, we took a family vacation to Cancun, and the first night we were there I met "him." To make a long story short, he would look for me every evening we were there and on the morning he left, he went to my room and we kissed (just kissed). As soon as he left, I felt like my whole world changed and I missed him like crazy. The only problem was we lived in two different states. We would call each other every day for almost a year, but we both refused to relocate and one day the phone calls stopped.
We're friends on fb and we really don't communicate. But I when I see his updates, for example when he announced he was having a baby, I wondered "what if?" I know it wouldn't of worked out. I love being close to my family and I would of been miserable living in a different state hrs away from my family. AND the one thing my husband does for fun and I hate, this guy does too and alot more often (nothing bad, but I hate). Also, it seems like he drinks alot and that would drive me crazy.
I'm not sure if what I like so much is really the way it happened. It all seemed, so romantic and out of a love story book. But yes, when I've had the "what if" moments, I 've felt bad, but when I think about it, I really didn't cause no harm to any one by wondering what would of happened. The reality is that I have my life and If I'm not with that other person is for a reason. We both had a chance and we chose not to take it and I can't help but think that there must be a reason for that. I don't think that there is a way, to control your feelings when you see some one after a long time and at some point in your life you had strong feelings for someone. I think it those feelings just come up and it's normal. Don't feel bad.
Thanks for the reassurance, ladies. I'll try to put it out of my mind for now.. Even though I'm now sober, and still thinking about it. meh.
And thanks for sharing your "what ifs" It maks me feel less alone in the poopy situation.
awww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a couple...one is my first boyfriend. We got together right as senior of high school was ending - our first date was the prom. We tried doing the long distance thing for about a year and a half - but 1200 miles was hard to endure at that age. Last time I saw him was about 13 years ago when I was home for a friend's wedding. He lives in MA, so no chance of bumping into him.
Don't want to mention the other guy.
I didn't until I had 2 good guy friends tell me in the last year that I am their "what if girl"... so then I did lol. And that also shows that guys have "what if" people too so I wouldn't even feel guilty about it.
First weight loss goal - 40lbs... DONE! Second weight loss goal - 17lbs...