BR: tantrums

TeacherTiff · September 2011

Hold me. Please.

Seriously, is it normal to have full out temper tantrums already?!

Our biggest hurdle is dinner time. If for some reason he doesn't want what we give him (tonight I gave him pb&j {lazy!} and he flipped out- he loved it last time!) then all hell breaks lose. I don't know what to do with him. I don't want to have to make different dinners depending on his mood, but I obviously can't read his mind either. He ended up eating mandarin oranges, applesauce, and some puffs tonight.

**exasperated sigh**

Jennrs · September 2011

Totally normal. :-) (((HUGS)))

I find that if I remain calm and breathe during one of Neena's tantrums, we all come out unscathed.

I Know you conside yourself to be somewhat AP, correct? Dr. Sears offers some great advice on tantrums.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/temper-tantrums/taming-toddler-tantrums

EmmaBrooke · September 2011

I feel your pain! Although they haven't been about food (unless it's all gone & he wants more), Sawyer has been having some seriously wild tantrums lately, too. I was actually just googling some tips on how to deal with them earlier tonight because he's getting so out of control with them. He's only 10 months old... I'm getting very afraid for the next couple of years if we can't get him to settle down. He screams, throws his head back and arches his back screaming and crying for the slightest of things. And lately, when he's really mad, he starts biting everything... himself, his toys, his seat, the floor (!), and our hands/shoulders/whatever he can get. The other day, he finished his lunch, laughed at the dogs, and then started freaking out and gave himself a bloody lip trying to bite his high chair tray for no apparent reason other than the food was gone. You can plainly see his frustration, and we've been signing with him since he was about 6 months old (he know what we're signing to him, but doesn't really sign back yet)... I don't know what else to do with him, and it's making us crazy!

Babies can be seriously, seriously scary. Haha!

ernuno787 · September 2011

Kellen started having tantrums with stuff like that, taking away something he wasn't supposed to have, telling him no, etc. before he turned 1. Tessa I think is already starting to have mini-tantrums *sigh*. Unfortunately they get worse, but we have gotten alot better at handling them. I just ignore him until he realizes acting that way isn't appropriate or how you get what you want. I have a feeling Tessa's tantrums are going to be much worse then his, she is a drama queen for sure!

TeacherTiff · September 2011

Jennrs:
Totally normal. :-) (((HUGS)))

I find that if I remain calm and breathe during one of Neena's tantrums, we all come out unscathed.

I Know you conside yourself to be somewhat AP, correct? Dr. Sears offers some great advice on tantrums.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/temper-tantrums/taming-toddler-tantrums

Ah, I love your resources. Thanks... it helps to know I'm not alone!

I guess my biggest question is what do I do? I know he's frustrated about something (like tonight he wanted what I was eating, which I didn't want to give him because it was fish and he had fish last night) but sometimes I don't know WHY he's frustrated. I look around and try to see what he wants but usually it's snacks- like those baby cheese puffs or yogurt drops. I want him to realize he has to eat his dinner, not snacks. I try to make sure it's all put away first but sometimes that doesn't work either and he's reaching for a banana. It's not that I care to give him that stuff, I'm just happy he's eating sometime! But when I know it's not a matter of "ew I don't like this" and just a matter of "I'm going to throw a fit to see if I get my way" do you give in? I didn't give in tonight and when he wouldn't calm down I got him down out of his chair and he continued his fit on the ground. Eventually, he stopped by me getting him some applesauce and feeding it to him on my lap in the living room. There's no way that's what he wanted from the get-go because we always eat at the table and the applesauce was in the fridge- he never saw it.

So I guess my long-winded story is just that I don't know when to give in and when not to. I obviously want him to eat. But I also want him to understand that he's got to eat more than fruit for dinner. (for example)

TeacherTiff · September 2011

Emma- N was doing the same thing around that age. The biting things always cracked me up. He wasn't allowed to open the filing cabinet, so he bit it. Really?! Weirdo. haha.

Seriously though, glad I'm not alone!

ernuno787 · September 2011

Both Kellen and Tessa clench both of their hands into fists, grit their teeth, and shake somewhat, turning red in the face, when they get angry. My mom says that I used to do the same thing when I was younger throwing a tantrum and everyone would look at me and say, "Mt. Fuji is about to erupt! Look out!" I had quite the temper on me apparently when I was a toddler. I was a biter also, I am hoping that trait isn't passed on to either of them though.

We have also started using time out with Kellen, it seems to be working on him. I think Nolan is still a little too young to start doing that though. It's so hard when they are so young and start behaving this way lol. Being a Momma is definitely tough stuff.

TeacherTiff · September 2011

ernuno787:
=Being a Momma is definitely tough stuff.

Yes!!

Rangergal9 · September 2011

Definitely normal and they get worse.... I swear we see them more as we get closer to age 3!!! I usually just walk away when Abby is throwing a fit. It does no good to yell or reason with a child throwing a temper tantrum. Once she is done then I talk to her.. lol

amybyrd · September 2011

I know what you mean about food, but sometimes all Elle will eat is fruit. I give her her meal and usually it ends up on the floor, were working on ignoring that. Then half an hour later I'll give her fruit or whatever shell eat. I

Jennrs · September 2011

That article actually provides you with things to do. :-)

morrigan08 · September 2011

We have been having tantrums for a while now. Mostly when I take something away that she can't have. I try to ignore her. I try to give her something she can have / direct her attention to her toys. But it is so hard. And I am trying not to pick her up while a tantrum is all out, but I have failed in that many times. I have a drama queen on my hands and she has a temper like me... I am in trouble.

JNicMTek · September 2011

Rangergal9:
Definitely normal and they get worse.... I swear we see them more as we get closer to age 3!!! I usually just walk away when Abby is throwing a fit. It does no good to yell or reason with a child throwing a temper tantrum. Once she is done then I talk to her.. lol

This!

Alex's tantrums started around 11 months. She'd splay herself on the floor screaming and start hitting her head against the floor. We would just walk away. If it's dinner time, instead of walking away, H and I just don't look at her. When she stops to take a breath, we ask if she's done yet. If she does it in public we haul her outside until she calms down, but still ignoring the tantrum aspect, if that makes sense.

He's probably testing his ability to get a reaction out of you. I feel like if you give in to it, he'll realize it works, and keep it up. At least that's the reasoning we go with. Whatever you find to deal with it, keep it up because those tantrums aren't going to stop any time soon.

heatherkj · September 2011

We just talked to our pedi about this on Monday.

She said to acknowledge the feelings by saying something like, "I can't talk to you when you're so upset." Then gently put down and walk away. She said that they will learn that they need to calm down before they receive further attention.

She also said that it's best to try to divert attention. If we're taking something away they can't play with--she said try to give her something that she can play with. Pretty common sense, but at least it's simple.

We haven't had to put too much of this into practice yet (I guess we've had a good couple of days this week), but Nora has been pitching her share of fits lately.

LaurenSweat · September 2011

We've had this problem with Charlie since he was about 11 months. With the food we decided that whatever we are eating we offer him first. Otherwise he wanted to be like us. If we are having something that he can't have we wait to eat until way after he does. That way he has already had his dinner and he can eat fruit at the table with us while we eat our adult food.

The problem was that he didn't understand why he couldn't have what we had. If he sees something different he always wants that. This means that when we do feed him a meal he gets offered vegetables first before he even has a chance to see the protein or grain.

As far as additional, non-food tantrums we are doing a lot better. I know it may be flameable, but Charlie has been getting time-outs since he turned 1 year. He is a little stinker and he will continue a bad behavior to get a reaction. It became a game with him. He would purposely do the same thing over and over.

This is how we react now. The first time he does it we tell him no and try and get him to play something else. The second time we go up to him, take his hands and force him to look at us and tell him no again. We tell him that if he does it again he will have to go into the other room for quiet time. If he does it a third time we pick him up and put him either in his pack n play in the dining room or in his high chair facing away from us. He only sits in there a minute or two. Then when we get him we tell him why he was there.

Usually after one time in time out the behavior stops for the rest of the day. I think that the quiet time gets him to stop thinking about doing the bad act. It is as if the reason he wouldn't stop in the first place is because he couldn't think of anything else to do so he kept repeating the bad behavior.

We only use this for bad offenses (hitting a person, hitting the cat, throwing toys at windows, trying to climb over the back of the couch, trying to climb the shelves, etc)

If we are at someone's house when a tantrum occurs (usually toy related) we hold him on our lap facing away from us and don't talk to him until he calms down.

naylon511 · September 2011

Oh we have full on stomping, fist clenching and FLOOR SLAPPING when she doesn't get what she wants. Ironically, we don't have them at meal time. At meal time she just refuses and says 'bye bye' and waves to her food (her version of 'all done'). Food is a battle in our house. She eats perfectly at school and if we go out to eat she eats well. At home? No way.

I used to go through a list as she declined. How about cheese? yogurt? etc. I think part of the reason she fusses so much at home is she knows that i'll offer her something else. So, now I don't. Lunch is lunch. She'll eat if/when she's hungry. Our Pedi also encouraged me not to let meals be a battle - that toddlers often have only one good meal a day and it's fine.

So, now when she refuses I just say. Janie, this is lunch/dinner/whatever. If you don't eat something you're going to be very hungry. Continued protest which is usually throwing food and I just say "Ok, you're done" and we get down and leave the table.

Jane is already big and growing well so if this changes, we'll readdress. I have to say, it's been much better to not fight.

naylon511 · September 2011

LaurenSweat - I like what you guys are doing. It's clear that Jane often does things she knows are wrong just to get a rise out of us. She thinks it's a game, like you said. She smacked me for like 10 mins the other night until I have MYSELF a time-out.

I know she and C are the same age so I'm curious - does he actually sit where you put him or does he get up? If he gets up does that become a whole battle again of putting him back, putting him back, etc?

LaurenSweat · September 2011

naylon511:
LaurenSweat - I like what you guys are doing. It's clear that Jane often does things she knows are wrong just to get a rise out of us. She thinks it's a game, like you said. She smacked me for like 10 mins the other night until I have MYSELF a time-out.

I know she and C are the same age so I'm curious - does he actually sit where you put him or does he get up? If he gets up does that become a whole battle again of putting him back, putting him back, etc?

When we put him in the pack n play he runs around it and flops all over. It is an older pack n play that we got second hand that is really deep and there is nothing in it so he (so far) can't climb out. If he goes in the pack n play it takes a lot longer for him to calm down. If he isn't in the pack n play we use a high chair and face it away from us or anything entertaining, but not towards a wall or anything scary like that. The high chair works best--- although at first I was afraid that he would associate the high chair with punishment. And he hasn't. He knows when he is bad versus when he is good. I gotta give him credit, he doesn't really talk at all, but he knows exactly what we say to him.

MrsL628 · September 2011

naylon511:

Oh we have full on stomping, fist clenching and FLOOR SLAPPING when she doesn't get what she wants. Ironically, we don't have them at meal time. At meal time she just refuses and says 'bye bye' and waves to her food (her version of 'all done'). Food is a battle in our house. She eats perfectly at school and if we go out to eat she eats well. At home? No way.

I used to go through a list as she declined. How about cheese? yogurt? etc. I think part of the reason she fusses so much at home is she knows that i'll offer her something else. So, now I don't. Lunch is lunch. She'll eat if/when she's hungry. Our Pedi also encouraged me not to let meals be a battle - that toddlers often have only one good meal a day and it's fine.

So, now when she refuses I just say. Janie, this is lunch/dinner/whatever. If you don't eat something you're going to be very hungry. Continued protest which is usually throwing food and I just say "Ok, you're done" and we get down and leave the table.

Jane is already big and growing well so if this changes, we'll readdress. I have to say, it's been much better to not fight.

This is pretty much what we do with Mads, word for word. Her tantrums generally consist of her laying down on the floor & screeching. We tell her "Sorry, we don't throw tantrums/fits in this house.... you're going to have to work it out." And walk away. She generally calms down pretty quickly and just gets up and moves on.

We don't have major issues with dinner, but like Naylon siad, sometimes she's "all done". We find that if we ignore her, she'll generally give up & go back to eating. Our pedi had similar advice too, in that she'll eat if she's hungry and not to let meals become a battle, but to kind of just "go with it". Unless she's extemely overtired (which can sometimes be the case with dinner), it seems to work out pretty well for us.

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