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What would you do/say?
I feel like my friends' kids sometimes terrorize my house! I know it's super nice of them to come over to visit, but sometimes I wish they wouldn't bring their kids, and I feel really rude for thinking this!
If someone is coming I try to vaccum and pick the house up. When people stop by for 30 minutes the house is a wreck afterwards!
One friend gave her kid a package of those orange peanut butter crackers to eat. In my living room. He smashed them up everywhere, had greasy hands and was touching our leather couch. There was an orange explosion on our seagrass rug that took forever for me to clean up...orange crumbs smashed down into the fibers. Another friend's toddler sat in Georgia's bouncy seat, I guess I should have moved it to her room. All the kids tend to want to play with her stuff.
I try to never say never, because I don't know how Georgia will turn out. But I'd like to think that when she's 3 years old I will either have her eat her orange crackers in the car or wait until we leave if we're just stopping in for a 30 minute visit. And hopefully I will discipline her and just ask/tell her not to get in the baby's toy because she might break it.
I was just shocked, I guess, that my friends didn't do this! Now I'm sick of picking stuff up and getting their germs on Georgia's stuff. Would it be appropriate for me to ask them to have their kid to eat in the dining room or at least stay off the carpet and couch? What about asking them to not play with the baby bouncer / activity mat/ pretty much everything that is in their site?
I know my couch and rug won't stay perfect forever, but I'd at least prefer that my child is the one to ruin it. And I know she will eventually share her toys, but she's an infant and three year old feet and hands on stuff she plays with just means that I have to wash it all off before she leaves.
Now I feel like my sister's kids and MGR's little Joe are super well behaved. They don't act like this!!!
Re: What would you do/say?
I think it's completely reasonable to ask the kids to eat in the kitchen or dining room if it's something messy.
I don't think it's reasonable at all to ask them not to play with Georgia's toys.
ETA: I think it's unreasonable to expect them not to play with Georgia's toys if the toys are visible. Put them away if you don't want them touched. But I would leave out a couple of things for the kiddo to play with so they're not using your home decor as a toy.
Either let it go, or don't invite them over. Would I let C have Cheese-Itz at a friends house? No. But I won't let him eat them on my sofa either.
Would I get upset if a friend did? No. I invited them over, so I knew what might happen.
A different way to handle it - buy some snacks you won't mind - fruit snacks, cheerios, etc. Offer them before the mom does and you have control over what is consumed. Also with the toys - put them away.
lol, you can ask Kendall. you are NOT allowed on the carpet in my house with food or drinks. if you want to go into the living room and play, leave the food in the kitchen. this has not always been popular with my little guests, but it is the kasey's house rule.
as far as playing with her toys, that's up to you. if it isn't something they will destroy, i think it's fine. worrying too much about healthy-kid germs is not gonna get you far. she needs to be exposed to stuff so she can build a healthy immune system (if the child is sick or has a sick sibling, that's a different story).
it is incredibly rude of a mother to allow her child to be gross with food all over your house. if Mom doesn't step in, you have to.
it's probably a good idea to set expectations as well. don't let them run amok (a-muck?) or the mom will think you don't mind. people have all different kinds of mess-tolerances, and you just have to figure out what's okay in other people's world.
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This is sticky. We had a similar situation going on a while back. Right now there is only one couple in our "group" that has a child. I love him, he is my god-son and I would do anything for him but......
I consider my house to be pretty kid friendly, we have toys he can play with and nothing super breakable or valuable within reach. We were having an issue where we would have group events, they would bring the little one (he was invited as well) but they would totally check out the min they walked in. They would not watch him, let him eat whatever and carry it all over the house to be ground into the carpet or wiped on the furniture and it was becoming an issue.
Because we are close I finally just mentioned "maybe little one can eat at the table when it is a more messy/colored food" it was awkward but necessary. I think it depends how close you are to these people and what your relationship is like. As far as G's toys, I would go ahead and put them up when you know they are coming so you can avoid the re-clean every time they come.
That is the rule in our house as well. Unless it's a party and people/food end up everywhere anyway. If you are over just visiting or playing, food/drinks do not leave the tiled area, ever. We have no carpet downstairs except the "man room" but I still don't let them roam the house with food/drink.
(Sam does with her sippy cup, but if she is eating, she goes to the high chair)
I agree too that if you don't want the toys played with, just put them up. Then the temptation is gone. A 3 year old doesn't understand why they can't play with toys if they are right in front of them and most likely the mom assumes it's okay since they are sitting out.
I'm not a parent but I've encountered the same predicament from time to time.
If they're kids of close friends or we know them well - I have no problem nicely saying "Hey guys, the rule in our house is no food in the living room, here let me help you into a chair in the dining room!" I feel like phrasing it that way puts the "blame" on us - not on the kids or their parents, everyone has their own house rules and when you're a visitor you abide by them.
If we don't know the parents or kids well, I don't feel as comfortable saying anything. The flip side of that is that I feel like if I don't know them well enough to interact comfortably with them, then they probably don't know us that well either and shouldn't feel comfortable letting their little ones run free in our house, yet. This line of thinking has backfired, though, in the form of an old friend of DH's letting their munchkin JUMP on our new couch with a cup of red gatorade...the dad intervened in no way, and the red gatorade stain exists on our couch to this day.
As far as toys go - we find it to require far less effort to do a quick sweep and pick up/put higher most things that we know would be enticing to kids but that we'd rather they didn't play with (squeaky dog toys being # 1 lol) -- rather than be constantly trying to curb their natural interest to play with things that look like toys or have their parents get on them. We also try to keep a few things around that they CAN play with (a few toy cars, couple of stuffed animals, coloring books).
I can remember when Sarah was a baby and friends coming over with their very active children. I believe I had the same reaction. I think it's okay for you to direct any young child to the kitchen table for eating. After all, it's your house and it's not impolite to do so IMO. I can also remember Sarah and her friends getting in Elizabeth's portable swing when she was a baby and me having to shoo them out.
Over time you may find that things like that bother you less, and also that you're more comfortable being directive with other people's children in a way that's totally natural.I pick up the smaller toys, and those I don't mind kids playing with. I guess I just thought that most moms would tell their two or three year old not to try to sit in the baby's bouncy seat and not to walk on her activity mat with their shoes. The activity mat was in her room and i didn't expect the kids to go in there.
I'm just going to let them know the rule for food in our house. It's one we will expect Georgia to abide by when she's older anyway. I do just need to set their expectations so they know it's not OK to make a huge mess.
I guess I'm just shocked, we were never allowed to act that way at other peoples' houses, I distinctly remember a stern "you better behave" before we went every time! And I knew my mom would follow through if I was a brat! I wasn't around these friends' kids prior to having my own, we were more happy hour friends.
it's probably a good idea to keep her door closed if there are other kids over-- so they kind of get a clear "DO NOT ENTER" message.
i hadn't realized they were walking on her mat with shoes! i would stop someone ELSE's child from walking on someone else's baby mat with shoes. that is not right.
i thought you were just kind of referring to spit/handling toys type germs.
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Nah, the spit stuff doesn't bother me. She goes to the church nursery and playgroup, I know she will get germs at some point so I'm not super keen on stopping them all now!
But the baby mat...I had to take apart and throw in the washer. It's her favorite toy.
Kids will get into everything and some moms will let them. I think it's perfectly fine to be assertive and set rules when other kids come over. As a parent I would welcome it so I don't have to fret over what's okay and what is not okay.
I'm with you on the food thing. DS never has food with him when we go visit other people and if he did I would make sure he kept it to an area that was suitable for eating.
As far as the bolded goes, since DS#2 has been born I have learned that toddlers love to sit in bouncy seats and bumbos! We tell DS #1 not to sit in them, that he is too big etc. but he wants to get in them all of them time. When we have neighbors etc. over their toddlers love to get in them too. I think the mom should tell them not to sit in it but I think it is something they are going to try and do no matter what.
Ditto Jax and Darva.
And I have learned that visiting kids like to go play in the kid/baby room so some special things need to be tossed in the guest room for safe keeping.
I might sound like Bree Van De Camp but I have no problem saying, "Hey kiddos - at Mimi's house all food and drinks stay in the kitchen unless you are over 18!"
- Paula Deen to 104.1 KRBE's Producer Eric 9/17/2011
Wait until you host a playgroup with 12 toddlers over and one of them brings colorful goldfish. I had no idea what colorful goldfish were until that playgroup. And I now know I will never allow them in my house again.
Everything in my living room can be cleaned easily, so I am pretty lax about letting kids have food in there. I would just say something next time they have food and ask if they could eat it in the kitchen.
So Tasty, So Yummy
Ummm...that is rude! I feel bad for your friend b/c she clearly doesn't realize it's rude. (And I have no doubt I've been the oblivious and rude person on several occasions)
Your house, your rules. You are well within your rights to say, "Oh Johnny let me get those crackers from you, I have a special place just for you right here at the table. Here, let me show you this super cool plate/placemat/whatever that you can use! And when you're done I have these big boy wipies for you to make your hands feel all clean." That way you engage the child nicely so it shows that you're happy they're visiting, but you get the point across in a not-so-subtle way.
If Johnny starts pitching a fit about being moved, hopefully this will jar mom to start paying attention and deal with the tantrum.
Toys out of sight with door closed when child visitors are coming is probably the easiest option. If you think the kid will get bored and wild if he's not able to play with Georgia's toys then I would suggest another meeting venue all together.
Hopefully next time the mom will be more alert to the situation.
I echo PAGAS's sentiments about playgroups. I loved them when the babies were tiny and couldn't crawl. Then the playgroups kept growing, siblings were added and the dates would last for 4 hours and my house looked like a frat party just ended!
When it was my turn to host playgroups I started hosting them at Chick Fil A, the park, Children's Museum, anywhere but home.
To answer your questions:
Would it be appropriate for me to ask them to have their kid to eat in the dining room or at least stay off the carpet and couch? YES it is appropriate. Kids eat in the dining room in my house. PERIOD. I don't care who they are. Don't like it? Don't come over. AND we always wash hands when getting up from the table, assembly-line style in the bathroom w/ me supervising.
What about asking them to not play with the baby bouncer / activity mat/ pretty much everything that is in their site? This, I can overlook some things. 3yo trying to sit in a bouncer, no - b/c they'll bend it, it'll sag and then be unusable. I'd just stick it in a closet or another room out of sight.
I know my couch and rug won't stay perfect forever, but I'd at least prefer that my child is the one to ruin it. I am having a hard time w/ the fact that my furniture and rugs won't stay perfect forever, since they were bought before I got pregnant and we had no intention of having kids.
Food and toys are very different. When it comes to food, you can just ask nicely for the mom to move her kid to the kitchen. You could all go in there while the kiddo eats.
As for toys, all kids love baby toys, no matter the age. I have six-year-olds over here pushing buttons and shaking baby toys. If you don't want her stuff touched, put it away when they are there.
My house looks like a tornado hit it when our group of friends leaves, but it is so much fun for everyone. I really don't put rules on the toys other than safety things, so it's a free-for-all. All of the kids eat in the kitchen.
All so true!
I know how you feel. When we invited our friends over for a "meet the baby" party most of them brought their kids which was a HUGE wake up call for me. The 2 year old grabbed Maddie's sippy cup and started drinking the water from it. The 2 year old and 6 year old were all about her toys and broke some of them. None of it should have surprised me I guess, but since this is my first (only) kid it did.
I have no problem telling anyone though to eat in the kitchen. My 6 year old niece looks at me like I am evil everytime I tell her that mind you, but I don't care. Her mom doesn't enforce those rules, but I do. I would way rather her give me the evil eye than clean candy from a couch.
Ugh - this happened to us, too - it was a 3 y/o boy and he kept getting in DS's baby swing, and the mom did nothing. I could just hear the creaking of the arm, and was waiting for it to snap off! I just grinned and beared it at that time b/c they were in from OOT, so I knew it wasn't going to be a recurring visit.
As for the food - I would typically tell the child (but within parents' earshot) - "let's eat your crackers in the kitchen, here, let me help you" - maybe that will clue the parents in to what your "rules" are w/o feeling like you are putting them on the spot.
As far as the toys - I agree to try to put them in a basket somewhere put up (in your room or somewhere they won't go), and leave just a few out that you are fine with them playing with (and can easily be disinfected.
).
LOL I pretty much didn't allow small children in my home for the first 3 months of Helen's life!
No big kid germs around the baby! They still aren't allowed to touch her.
It think it is perfectly reasonable to ask your guests to eat in the kitchen or dining room.
I also learned pretty quickly that I need to put away Helen's toys (including bouncy seat and car seat!) before little kids come over. The first snotty hand that touched her bouncy made me so nervous - DH and I super cleaned the thing after our guests left!
The peanut butter cracker crumbs in the seagrass rug sound like a nightmare!
I tend to agree with this. I'm generally very laid back but I don't have any issue with other people's "house rules" whatever they may be. My mom has a white couch, I pretty much just don't let Cooper near it.
I personally don't mind food in the living room, but then my living room is easy to clean and my dining room and kitchen are not visible from the living room so obeying that rule would mean we would all have to move into the kitchen because an unsupervised toddler alone in the kitchen is a much bigger cause for concern. LOL