D.C. Area Nesties
rnin02
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
toddlers and memorial services?
I don'twant to get into the details, because they are too sad, but in general would you take a toddler to a memorial service for an infant? I can't leave my DS with anyone and go alone, because the service is being held the same day we are traveling and it is being held in a town on our route about 2.5 hours north of here. It is for family, and i want to go to show support, but i am apprehensive about taking DS...i just don't know if a toddler is welcome in these circumstances. Please give me your thoughts!
Re: toddlers and memorial services?
I definitely would not bring my toddler to a memorial service at all, and most definitely not to one for an infant or a child.
First, it might be more painful for the parents to see small children there. Second, memorial services are solemn occasions and I know that my son wouldn't stay quiet and I wouldn't want him disrupting things.
If you cannot find childcare for him, then send flowers and a heart-felt note/card.
I wouldn't. We went to a memorial last weekend for a stillborn baby. The only child there was the three year old sibling who asked loudly in the middle of the service for its little brother.
Kids don't get it.
We have only taken DS to one memorial. it was for DH's uncle and out of state. I knew there wouldn't be a body. He lasted 30 seconds into the service before I took him out. I brought him back for the lunch. We told him we were going to church and to have lunch with his cousins.
Is it an actual service, or just a showing at the funeral home?
Will your DH be with you? I'd tell DH to drop you off, and go to a nearby McDonald's or Starbucks for an hour while you're at the service.
If it's just a showing at the funeral home, I'd stop at the place with DS, drop in to give your cousin/aunt/parent of the child a hug... drop off a floral arrangement, plant, or something like that, and leave after 15 minutes (without really going up to the casket).
my DH had to rush out of my sister's wedding with both kids in his arms. Kids just don't do well at long events. But you know your DS best, do you think he'd sit still? He's 3 now so he understands more and may even remember it, is this something you want him to remember? I am not sure I'd want to expose a child that young to such a tragedy.
I am so sorry for the loss, what a horrible thing to happen
I'm sure the family would understand if you didn't have any other option but to bring DS, however, seeing your DS will probably be quite painful for the parents. I lost 4 children to miscar. and it was incredibly difficult for me to be around my nephews. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would be at a memorial.
I would say the same thing.
First I would ask someone close to the parents if they think they would mind your toddler being there. I've had some friends that did not mind seeing other children, and others that did. Then go from there.
My niece and nephew (2 and 5 at the time) provided some much needed distration during several family funerals last year. So there is that to consider as well.
Thanks everyone for your input. I ended up contacting someone (well, multiple someones to be honest) and they are all of the opinion that the parents will not be further upset, and that there will be multiple children attending. Hopefully they are correct. At any rate, I have also confirmed that is a vistation of sorts, no formal funeral services, so I plan to get there early, give our condolences and love to the family, then get out before my kid can start acting like a 3 year old! My brother will also be attending, so he can distract my son if necessary.