West Coast Florida Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
*Jen812*
I am so sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet!! This weekend was crazy, I was sick, and then yesterday ended up at the doc who ended up sending me for IV Fluids. Anyways...I am here to answer any questions!!!
Re: *Jen812*
So my questions... I don't know if you saw my post below about adoption. Basically, I want to be a good, supportive friend. I am very excited for her & want to ask her a million questions, but am afraid to ask/say the wrong thing. My friend can be very sensitive about their IF, but other times be very open about it. She has made it clear that she intends to be more private about the adoption.
I want to send her a gift. My mom mentioned that it's common for adoptive parents to wait until after they have the baby to have a shower. In case the birth mom changes her mind. So would it be inappropriate to send her a gift now? What type of gift do you think would be appropriate?
Also, when the adoptive parents create their profile for the agency, I'm assuming you can select some sort of qualities you are looking for in a child? What type of questions do they ask? My friend said they were selected within 24 hours of their profile going live on the agency website. She said this is rare. How is one selected? Like a dating website?
Ok, that should give you enough to answer for now. Thanks for helping with my adoption stupidity. Feel free to add anything else that might be important.
It is really just all in the luck of the draw if you get picked by a birth mom right off the bat or not...Adoptive Parents put together a profile book and then it gets presented to birth moms who meet the criteria they have selected...like for instance, when we were looking into domestic adoption (DS was adopted from foster care), we could tell our social worker if we were okay with certain races, backgrounds of the birth moms (certain drugs etc), disabilities that were in the birth moms history, etc. The more open you are to different races and exposures to different things, the more chance you have of being selected sooner. Those that really narrow it down (i.e., a white baby with no drug exposure), could potentially be setting themselves up for a lengthy wait (I have heard of some families waiting a couple of years to be matched).
Once the match is made, birth mom and adoptive parents will meet. They will talk about how everything is going to progress through the rest of the birth mom's pregnancy and then labor. Some adoptive parents end up being very involved in appointments, etc, it just depends on the wishes of each person, and whether or not they are in close proximity to one another. Some birth moms want the adoptive parents their for the delivery, others do not. The birth mom basically formulates a birth plan, and it outlines her wishes at every step of her pregnancy and delivery.
The actual birth of the baby is tricky, because every state is different. Some states (such as Florida), have a 72 hour waiting period after the baby is born before the mother can sign her rights away. Once she signs her rights away it is not retractable. The baby goes home with the adoptive parents, and then there is a certain amount of time that has to pass before the actual adoption can be finalized. I want to say it is 6 months, but 90 days also sticks out in my mind, but I may be thinking foster care situations. Anyways, this has nothing to do with the birth mom, it is just a way for the social worker from the adoption agency to complete home visits and ensure everything is progressing smoothly and the child is fitting in well to their new home/family. Other states allow the mom to sign her rights away after the 72 hours passes after the birth, but the birth mom has a longer period of time to change her mind (like 30 days or something). I am not sure what the law is in Mass, but it is probably something that can easily be found on the internet.
We did not adopt Isaiah as a newborn. He was 9 months old when he came to live with us, and he was a foster child. But, we made it clear right off the bat that we wanted to adopt him. Family members gave us things for him all along the way, even though we were not sure if we would definitely get to adopt him. I did not have a shower until after his adoption was finalized, (he was just shy of turning 3). It wasn't family that threw me the shower, but my friends at work and it was so awesome. It was a surprise, and they did it all up in cars/trucks for Isaiah and everyone bought him presents. He was in HOG heaven.
Talking about the whole sitch can be tricky, just because the birth mom can decide to change her mind at anytime along the way, but I think giving a gift is a great idea. I am sure if your friends adoption falls through, the will wait to be matched again, so there WILL eventually be a baby. Maybe something like a photo album and a cute little lovie for the baby to cuddle is something special. Or a book that you can write a little note to the baby in is a cute idea too. It can be just a regular children's book or even a children's bible that they can add to the babies book shelf. I would get a card welcoming the baby and write a note in it about how special this journey is and how proud you are of your friend would be nice. Then, you can always buy something really baby specific (like clothes), once the baby is here.
I have always been really open with our story. Sometimes it is hard to talk about because people say things that they don't mean to come across as demeaning...but it is...Like, "Wow, adopting is so great. I know i could never do it,." Soooo, what does that mean? I am some weird person because I can??? Another thing is, "Wow, it is so great you adopted...but, don't you worry something will be wrong with him? Like drug exposure or something?" Well, duh but isn't there a risk to have issues with ANY pregnancy??
I hope this helped a little...Let me know if I can answer anything else!