Sex & Romance
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Relationship advice.. Seriously needed?
This is kind of a 2 part question. First how often do you have sex? We have been living together for about a year and a half and we used to have sex alot like at least once if not more a day now it's barely once maybe twice a week? Also it's started hurting and I've went to the gyno and he said it's probably psycological because there's nothing medically wrong, it just hurts at the beginning a little bit then sometimes if he comes it burns a little bit, I also tear down there too? Does anyone else have these types of issues?
Re: Relationship advice.. Seriously needed?
Passion waxes and wanes --- and it's normal for the frequency of sex to diminish over time.
Once a week sounds fine -- if you want more sex, talk to him. Communication is key.
See another doc and get another opinion. Maybe you're not lubing up enough; maybe you're sensitive to the lube you are using -- sounds to me like you're having a bit of a dryness problem (maybe not enough foreplay or a slight physical issue that can cause it)
yes...ive heard the burn could be ph related, yours or the ph of his fluids. and i get the tears too sometimes =( one or twice a week is not necessarily bad. we have our weeks where its only once or twice but then later its multiple in one day. i think ur situation is totally normal. couples go through it. sometimes i try to increase frequency i unplug his computer and attack him as soon as he gets home lol or instead of sex since it hurts then maybe some oral? etc good luck sweetie!
Does it seem like one of you is not interested while the other is interested?... or more like you are both are just slowing down? If you're both kind of on the same page... then I agree with everyone and it's probably just a drought, things will spice back up again!
Also, try getting a second opinion. It sounds like your practitioner is kind of lazy... there might not be a serious medical problem but you could get some insight and advice from a different doctor. As for the psychological thing... when my sex drive lowers I know that it's usually psychological. I get mildly depressed and over stressed from time to time and I could care less about sex when that happens. Then I know it's time for a girls night or a few extra work out sessions to boost me up.
I'm not going to lie, I just started going through the same thing and it is really beginning to start to bug me. We've been together for over three years and we got married back in May so you would kind of think things would still be new and exciting for us. But I'm having a very hard time finding a position that does not hurt me and my h is so worried about not satisfying me that I don't know how to tell him without hurting his feelings and making him feel like he is doing something wrong. You always hear about people saying that its just because your dry and you need to try and lengthen foreplay- but honestly no amount of lube or foreplay is helping me right now. I started by blaming my birth control saying that it has completely diminished my sex drive, then I started to try and talk about sex starting in the beginning of the day and get him all excited to come home and jump my bones, then I thought going out on a date to try and bring back "dating" would help, but I'm running out of ideas. No matter what I do it hurts. Even my old favorite positions that would turn me to butter before just bring tears to my eyes- and I'm so tired of having to try and hide it.
If you find anything that helps please let me know as well. I am currently having sex with my h just so that he is satisfied. I try so hard to enjoy it, but I just can't get past the pain sometimes. So, I really feel your pain and I really hope that both of us can come up with something that will help.
I am experiencing the same issue with you and OP in regards to how often H & I are having sex. I am not sure if it is me having a higher sex drive, high expectations coming into the marriage, unrealistic expectations or a combination of the three. We have been married for 6 months and sometimes I find that our sex life is not where I would like it to be in terms of frequency.
We have spoken about this a few times as he has switched jobs so it is not as stressful as the other job he had which left him tired and irritable. We spoke about now that this job has him home at a reasonable time and not as grouchy that we can make more time for sexual intimacy. We do foreplay, sometimes I initiate but it doesn't lead to sex as much as I would like it to because he is either tired or in chill mode (which consists of watching sports).
My husband and I got married in June, started living together 18 months before that and have been together for nearly 5 years. We have sex once, maybe twice a week and that is perfect! We both work 60+ hours a week, and my commute is almost 2 hours each way, so 'I'm tired' isn't an excuse, it's a very valid reason! We are extremely happy with each other and while we both sometimes wish we could be intimate more often, we don't stress! I am 24 and he is 27, if that helps.
Good luck!!
1.) Sex once or twice a week isn't abnormal, that said, if you want more, you should tell your guy. He might be feeling the same way as you. Most relationships start-off hot and heavy, but cool-down a bit after a few months. Totally normal.
2.) Have you started taking hormonal birth control recently? The pill can make some major changes to your body, which can include decreased sex-drive, and that might affect arousal and might be at the root cause of the initial pain of intercourse you're feeling. Try using lube, and don't forget about foreplay!
3.) It's also possible to have a mild allergy to your guy's semen, usually it's a mild thing - i.e. a slight burning. Try using condoms.
OP: part of the reason you're in some pain might be that the sex isn't as frequent or you're not doing enough foreplay. Try lube (plain like KY or something) and lots of foreplay and if that doesn't work you need to go back to the gyno (or a different one) and get to the bottom of this. No one deserves to have sex be painful.
amd68: you really should go to a gyno, or multiple, until the issue is solved. Sex should NOT be painful like that if you're healthy. you may have a pH issue or something like vaginismus/vulvadynia (that might be the burning) that can be fixed before it gets worse.