Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Update: from my op 'at our wits end'...
You'll see my original post a little further down.
Yesterday morning MIL called DH because she was stuck in her chair (again) and couldn't get herself up. She's got about 50lbs. of retained fluid from congestive heart failure and pulmonary edema. While he was gone I called her doctors office and left a message for a nurse or the doctor to call me back. DH came home and told me how awful her condition was.
The doctor happened to call me back and I told him everything that has happened in the past week, her mobility, diet, hygiene and just the fact that she isn't getting any better after starting new meds. I mentioned that she had a follow up appointment with him for today and he said that we should go over and either drive her to the ER or have an ambulance come get her. We felt that we didn't want to cause a scene and embarrass her with the sirens of an ambulance-small neighborhood, with many nosy people.
When DH got her to the hospital they were taking her vitals and her blood pressure was 165 and they rushed her right in and started doing an ECG, EKG, xrays, bloodwork and many other tests...We have no results yet. Today they did an ultrasound and more scans. We do know that her kidneys aren't functioning properly, but that's a given when your heart is screwed up.
DH told me that she seemed to be relieved that we took charge and made this happen. I called her last night and she said that she felt a little better already and was able to finally sleep because her legs are elevated--she can't lift her legs on her own.
We will be talking to her doctor about a place that she can go to that will help her to lose weight and learn to eat healthier before she goes back home. And we are going to clear out her 2 refrigerators, 3 freezers, and cabinets of all the unhealthy foods. We will try to find somebody that can come in and cook meals for her that are better for her to eat. She's a danger to herself and I think that she has finally learned that over the last 2 days.
Thank you to everyone that has offered advice. I know that I sounded cold and heartless, but I was caught up in the moment of aggravation. I truly hope that she is on a path to recovery and more years of life.
Re: Update: from my op 'at our wits end'...
This exactly. There should be a social worker at the hospital who can talk to you, H & MIL about physical, occupational therapy & psychological help & help you figure out what her insurance will cover.
Your MIL sounds like my grandmother, different health conditions but just complete denial about what they're doing to themselves. My parents got tired of "saving" my gma and decided to let her hit rock bottom so to speak and let her go into a nursing home until she was strong enough to take care of herself. Her doc let her know if it happens again she'll have to move into the nursing home permanently & that was enough to freak her out & make her come to terms with her lifestyle.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I am sorry about this awful situation.
I just wanted to throw in that if she has 3 freezers full of food, could you find a food bank or shelter that would want the food? Instead of it all going in the trash.
I hope this is her rock bottom and things improve for her.
CHF would definitely qualify her for home health care, they can write the order at the hospital. CHF patients need regular check ups and close monitoring by their physician, and having a nurse come in weekly to check in on her, make sure she's got her meds filled, and watch for early signs of flare ups could be very helpful. They can take her vitals, weigh her to help track fluid retention, and help cut back on trips to the hospital. Many CHF patients are in and out of the hospital once a month or more if it's not managed well. I know my hospital has a program now geared for CHF patients to help limit re-admission, and home health care is a very important piece.
Talk to the social worker/case manager on her unit at the hospital about home health and other resources for her. Also if she is having difficulty getting around she may qualify for a short term rehab stay at a skilled nursing facility, this is also covered by medicare in most cases.
I do think if you want to keep her in her home as opposed to moving her into an assisted living facility or nursing home you'll need as much in home support as you can get. Home health would be covered by insurance, and then you could pay for extra private duty care for cleaning, bathing, errands, cooking, etc.
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
This floors me because she wasn't given this information last week when she was diagnosed. She was sent home with more prescriptions...Or maybe she just declined everything. She wouldn't let DH talk to her doctor last week and was ready to get out of the office quickly. I really think that her doctors have given up on her because she hasn't followed their directions over the years.
I went to see her tonight and she was miserable. I hope that she is answering this wake-up call. I can only pray!
I hope it continues to go well. You said above that this decline really began after you told her that you were moving--I wonder if she was subconsciously hoping that if she became helpless you would decide to stay.
Well, the fact that she has a condo near where you are moving that she can stay at if she gets in better shape would be, to me, a huge incentive, so let's hope she sees it that way.
Why do you think that?
You haven't mentioned any behaviors that would indicate that she is ready or willing to make any changes in her life or lifestyle. You have the same plan that you've always had. Nothing about anything you've mentioned has her doing anything differently. I am so sorry for you, so very sorry. I really hope you don't have an emotional let down if she doesn't participate in her recovery the way you hope.
I HOPE for your sake that things do turn around, I truly do. But I still get the sense that this is all "hope" on your part, and what you WANT to happen. But I too am not seeing on her end that anything is actually going to be different.
Quite honestly, I would expect her to hit her rock bottom AFTER you've moved and she realizes then that "Oh, crap, they aren't here to save me". As long as you're there to come in and save the day, she really actually doesn't have any reason to get better.
And as all of this is "new", I wonder if she's getting worse in hopes that it will inspire you all to not to move. Which is why i say once you're gone, that's when I think everything will come to ahead.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You keep saying that she "has to" shape up. She doesn't though. She can choose to go down the path she is currently on and eat herself to death. It's not something that you can fathom as a real choice, but it is one, and you need to accept that.
Now, I hope that this was the wake-up call she needed and that she does what's needed to get better. However, you also need to prepare yourself for the worst.
Ditto speaking to the doctor about home nursing assistance and therapies. Setting this up now will allow a routine to be established before you guys move.
I also agree that you guys shouldn't immediately assume that it is your responsibility to clean out her refrigerators, etc. When she is settled at home, I would ask her if there is something you can assist her with...if she has so many health problems, she may not be capable of tackling large projects. Perhaps she will ask you to do those things and you can help her implement her own healthy life choices instead of forcing your will upon her.
She won't be able to go home after she leaves the hospital and we're hoping that she will leave the hospital. She's in serious condition and they may not be able to do the procedures that need to be done due to her kidneys not functioning properly. She's dying.
We had to go and clean out the refrigerator today of things that will go bad over the next week and to pick up things that she needs. While we were there we cleaned out her freezer and threw away a huge garbage can of food that was expired, some of the food has been expired for 4 years.
The hospital won't release her to her home. A social worker has made an order for her to go to a rehab facility for 3 weeks after her release and that is if she makes it. She is doing very poorly and not able to really breath without an oxygen mask.
It has already been mentioned but I wanted to say I also think you should strongly consider some counseling for you and your H. You mention he feels guilty and you clearly have a lot of anger. This is tough stuff and some support/perspective seems necessary so you can both have some peace of mind regardless of how things progress from here.