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Husband's sex drive gone...
My husband and I have been married for a few years now, and for the last year or two he basically has no sex drive. Every few months he'll wake up in the middle of the night and we'll make love, but I can never come on to him because he doesn't get hard when I do and it makes me feel so dumb as a result. He has trouble holding an erection which gets him all nervous and if he loses it, he loses all interest in sex and just starts apologizing. Has anyone else been through this? We have no medical insurance so we can't see a counselor, we're going to start trying for a baby in the next 6 months (after insurance kicks in) and I'm worried we won't even be able to conceive because of this. It's causing sadness in our otherwise great marriage - our stress levels have never been lower, we've never been happier together or with work, I am 150% positive he's not gay or cheating (we talk about everything, we've had those talks haha, it's not even remotely possible).
I feel so sad about this, anyone have any ideas?
Re: Husband's sex drive gone...
#1 Don't worry......stress can do that to everybody....
#2 Try other inventive sexual activities.....touch...kiss....holding....oral.....
#3 I'm sure you're baby will be beautiful and healthy...when he/she shows up
Before you see a counsellor get him to a doctor to make sure it's nothing physical. Before trying for a baby I'd be at the doctor. This might be something easily fixed.
Mommy loves you Eevee!
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Get the ED issue resolved before trying to conceive. Don't attempt it until the issue is identified and rectrfied.
I suggest a checkup for him stat.
Erectile problems are the first symptom of another issue: something cardiac, cirulatory, endocrine or hormonal or thyroid. He needs to be checked for all 5 of these medical possibilities.
DO NOT wait for insurance to go into effect; try a walk in clinic at a local teaching hospital -- there is also a charity care office that you can consult with at your local hospital, if money is an issue.
Cardiac problems can turn up at any age. They're just not for "old farts" or people of a certain age.
Time is of the essence. You can't fart around when there's a possible serious medical issue.
Thyroid problems and other health issues have a funny way of cropping up when you least expect them to. The thyroid is like the air traffic controller of the body; nearly every bodily function -- heart rate, metabolic fuctions and others -- are tied into the efficiency of the thyroid.
If it's not a physical problem, it could be psychological.
Both physical and psychological problems are fixable. GL.
Totally tough! I'm so sorry for you. My husband and I just went through the same thing and while it makes us feel silly for trying I'm sure it helps reassure him that you still find him attractive.
We would set the stage...with a long drawn out, what my husband likes to call "slow cooking your spouse" session. All day long flirting...some sexual stuff and other things that we know just makes the other person happy, all with the mindset that at the end of the night we'll come together and connect sexually...we refer to it like that during these times where he doesn't want to..,cause then it helps him see that its not just the act of sex we want...its the connecting part that sex gives us.
So sorry! Hope this passes soon.
ChelsiAnn13 - you've got the right idea. Men don't have control of their erections, it's driven by the parasympathetic side of autonomic nervous system, so there's no direct way to control it. That's the relax-and-digest side of things and directly opposes the fight-or-flight side, so once anxiety takes-over, the arousal response tends to get killed. This sets-up a nasty little feedback cycle, his impotence makes him more anxious, which further downgrades the erection.
If you can help him get through the anxiety, there will be rock-hard penises for all. Or just you.