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WWYD: Daycare Related
So a co-worker of mine also takes her son to the daycare that Alex goes to. Within the last two weeks Alex has started to notice that mama is leaving when i head for the door and he starts crying. Co-worker gets there usually around the same time that I"m leaving and lets me know how he did each day. Typically he only cries for a minute or so and then it content to play. There have been a couple rougher days where he cries for a bit longer. Today was one of those, when I left he was crying so loudly that I could still hear when I got to the front door of the daycare center (down a short hallway and around the corner - they daycare room door was open though). When I was exiting the secondary class room aid was coming in and let her know that Alex was pretty upset that I had left and she said hurriedly "Yeah, he only cries for a minute though and then he's fine." Which is good with me! SO I just got a call from my co-worker and she let me know that she got there about ten minutes after I had left and Alex was still crying, but not loudly, just sort of whimpering. Secondary classroom aide was holding him trying to give him a bottle at this time and when he wouldn't take it she put him down in the swing and freaked out saying "I can't take it anymore, I can't take his crying, he's SO loud! I can't do this again today!" My co-worker said it was really awkward and she wasn't really sure what to do because she said she put him down and didn't do anything to put him in physical danger but she did verbally freak out in front of a parent. This obviously leads me to wonder what she might do or say when there aren't parents around. She is sometimes alone with them because one teacher goes for a break for lunch at a time.
I'm in full on mama bear mode, ready to kick some @ss and tell them that we don't pay out the @$$ for them to yell at our child and that I'm removing him from their care. However, the dilema is we only sent him here to begin with because all other daycares were full and we exhausted all resources trying to come up with alternate solutions. On the plus side last week I got approval to shift to a three day 12 hour days 4 hours from home work week so we can send Alex there only two days a week (Joel would stay home with him one of the days). My co-worker is going to speak with the director tomorrow morning to tell the story since I wasn't present, and then she's going to let me know when she's spoken with her and what she said before I call to make a complaint.
So Moms, what would you do in this situation?
Also, thanks for making it all the way through this long post. Here's a treat: 
Re: WWYD: Daycare Related
Obviously I don't have a child in daycare, but I'll weigh in anyway.
First it doesn't sound like you have a lot of options right now since you don't have an alternative daycare to enroll him in and even after your work schedule changes you'll still need care, so I wouldn't do anything rash since you weren't there to witness the event. I would wait and see how your coworker's conversation with the director goes tomorrow and see what she says before you take action.
I think it would be reasonable to express your concerns to the director and see if you guys can come up with a solution that works for everybody (staff, you, and Alex). I don't blame you for being concerned based on what your coworker said, but I would try to work with them to come up with an answer that doesn't involve putting yourselves in a bind (as long as Alex is safe, of course -- I think that goes without saying).
Congrats to both my TTC buddies, Amberley18 and sb2006 on their beautiful babies!
First, what are the rules in NY? In MA a daycare provider can handle 3 infants solo, 7 if they are with another aide... you said she's alone with him while the other is at lunch, but how many other babies does she have at that time? When Sam was in a center, they would rotate so there were always 2 if needed, so that would concern me if they were understaffed, but again, this all depends on NY's laws.
But maybe they are understaffed, and maybe she is stressed out. I'm not justifying her actions, though... I would never tolerate a provider flipping out in public, let alone over my child, ESPECIALLY when you've just been told by another aide that he's usually fine. I think you were lucky in this situation, having this co-worker to be your pair of eyes, because now if she tries to cover it up, there's another stike against her.
I would call the director, request an appointment, and explain the situation after your coworker tells her story. Be civil... dont go at this aide because though sensitive, it is technically heresay. I would just lay it all out for the director, explain what you heard, how it made you felt, and how you plan on acting accordingly if this happens again.
Alex is a baby.... babies cry. Babies have separation anxiety. Any decent provider should know this, and know how to handle this. If there is a problem, it should be spoken to the parents and not to a random third party. This is a really shitty position you're in, friend, and I'm sorry people suck.
updated 10.03.12
Ames: Coworker called me on my cell at home a little after 6 tonight. She didn't want to upset me at work, which I appreciate but she said she knew she definitely wanted to tell me because we're close (they're our double date couple).
Meg: Sound advice and thank you very much. That's what I'm going to try to do, be civil and rational. I'm glad coworker told me tonight so I can sleep on it and be less likely to flip $h!t.
MB: I will have to look up what the laws in NY are regarding staffing. What really bothered me about this situation was she had just got there as I was leaving and she had another aide in with her at that time as well as my coworker and she was only 10 minutes into her work day. Not justifying it at ALL, but it would be slightly more understandable if it was the end of the day and the babies had been cranky all day...however you're in the child care industry it's your JOB to deal with babies like this.
I seriously wish I could quit and take care of him, I have a friend who has already offered to pay me to watch her son because she doesn't like the daycare he's at but I would need another baby to make it work financially. Plus I question whether I could deal with three babies or not being a first time mom....but that's a far fetched thought anyways....I digress.
I'll be very happy to hear the outcome to all this... please, keep us updated?
updated 10.03.12
I definitely will. I'll also be telling them tomorrow about the change to having him there only Mondays and Tuesdays - I'll be home with Alex Weds and Thursay and then Joel will be home with him Fridays. We were going to do this to save money anyways and now it's definitely a good time. Hopefully we're able to find alternative childcare for him for those two days, although so far we've been striking out.
Sorry this happened to you and Alex. This is seriously one of the many reasons I'm having such issues sending Evie off to daycare so I can go to work.
I hope everything gets worked out.... and it seems like it will. Keep us posted!
My Acme Box last update 3/28/11
As a former pre-k teacher and daycare worker, and as a nanny that loves my kiddos like they were my own...I wanted to weigh in.....
There is absolutely no excuse for speaking to ANY child (no matter their behavior or age) in a way that could make them feel "less". I can't imagine saying "I can't deal with you anymore" to any child....ever.
With that said- I SO get being understaffed, floating from class to class (aids have to do this at daycare centers), and dealing with the dirty work (another job of an aid.) Just because it was only 10 minutes into her day doesn't mean that the entire first part of her week wasn't consumed in the mess that daycare brings....or that they had not already sent her to multiple classrooms. This happened to me often.
I definitely think being calm, and speaking with the director about a solution to the aid's attitude is a great idea.
I'm totally an advocate of www.care.com. Have you tried looking for a part-time nanny? If your schedule for childcare is only two days a week, this could be a great option. Care.com does background checks, ratings based on references, and lets you view a picture and read profile information before interviewing. And, it's free. I'm not sure what your daily hours would be, but I would expect to pay $8-10/hour.
HTH
Definitely update.
Ohhh. I see. Yeah, there's no excuse. Well, if I lived near you I'd totally be your nanny.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I can't imagine paying that much and it not being what you expect/want.
*hug*