Toledo Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How did you know for sure you wanted children?
Glad to see activity on these boards has been picking up lately. I've been guilty of lurking, so I thought I should contribute an update (for those of you that still remember me on here!) We closed on our new home in August but haven't moved in yet. We've just been painting when we can- and the whole house is just about done. We plan on adding a second bathroom yet, before the move. After we get settled in, we were thinking about starting to TTC, but honestly I'm not 100% in. We said we'd wait 3 years after we got married, but that has come and gone. It just went by so fast- and to be completely honest I'm not sure if I want kids at all. DH assures me that my maternal instincts will kick in after I'm pregnant, but I'm afraid I will only feel regret. This is very personal, but I don't want anyone IRL to know I feel this way (except DH). -may DD this later
Re: How did you know for sure you wanted children?
Conrats on the house!
I did not want kids most of my life...well into my 30 even. I did start to soften on that at some point and when I met DH I was much more open to the idea. Last year I decided it was do or die time given my age, but we weren't actively trying - just actively not preventing. I really wasn't entirely 100% sure until I got pregnant and then when Stella came along. Before having her, I would not have thought of myself as very maternal at all but yes, all that did kick in aftere I had her (and somewhat while I was still pregnant).
That would be a hard decision to make.
I guess I always knew I wanted to have children but never thought I would because 1. I never thought I would find someone that I would love who would love me enough to want to marry me and have children with me, and 2. I had issues with irregular periods and other symptoms of PCOS that should have made it difficult to conceive children. I had a long history of self esteem issues etc. that kept me from thinking it was a possibility. When I met DH, my radar was totally off meeting a guy, I was focusing on music and college, and things just happened. When we decided to get married, it was one of the first conversations we ever had, the idea of children.
It turned out that my PCOS symptoms were not as much of a risk as I thought they were, and we had Monk, and soon Harry. I think that for some people its really a matter of looking at your lives very seriously and figuring out if it is something you want. For me, raising monk has been tough, but the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life...and I am thankful that I had the opportunity to bring children into our world.
Good luck to you, I hope you can find the answers you need!!!!
DH and I come from great, close families and while we rarely talked about kids, knew we'd family someday. I turned 30 last year and timing came down to that we didn't want to be old parents!
I looked at our future life together, and never imagined it just being "us" for the rest of our life. Plus who's going to take care of you when you're old? Having a family will bring joy and fulfillment, as well as frustration and tough situations. I enjoy spending time with both our families throughout the year and like that they're always there when you need them. I still don't feel a super connection w/the baby, still feels like a figment of my imagination. But know that will change once I see and hold baby for the first time.
I love kids and have no problem getting down and playing with them but babies are a little different. I was always afraid I would hurt a baby by not holding it right..etc. I was always on the fence about kids and then it just got to the point (age) where I was fine with not getting married or having kids. Then I met my DH in my 30's and he really wanted kids. I was still on fence, but he really wanted them and I wasn't 100% against kids, so we went for it. My maternal instincts kicked in once A was born, not while I was prego. I petty much felt like Crimson when I was prego :-)
What perfect timing for this post! I just don't know if I am cut out to be a parent either and have been struggling with this lately. I hate that I am 32 already and don't have lots of time to make this decision. I just don't think I am prepared to give up all of the things I'd have to if we had kids. DH has always 100% wanted kids and I don't think I would be devastated if we didn't have children. Right now we are in the not taking any preventative measures phase. I'm not sad each month that we don't concieve, but there is also that stress that each month that goes by might mean that we might have fertility problems.
Long story short, it's good to know there is someone who feels the same that I do.
I never was a maternal type. If someone brought a kid around or a friend had a kid, I never wanted to hold him or her and if I did it was for like a second. I never babysat, never wanted to babysit and honestly as cold as this sounds, if kids were around I didn't even want to play with them. They had snotty noses and cried, yuck!!!
After we got married we started discussing kids, we were not sure if we wanted any or not. Then we kind of decided, okay, let's have a kid. It was on a whim, I stopped birth control and I got pregnant immediately. I've never told a sole this but we were on vacation and we actually changed our minds about having a child and I was going to start birth control when we got back. But, I was pregnant.
Once Davis was born I was such a mom though and I wouldn't change anything for the world.
It is a big responsibility and your life will NEVER be the same again, read my blog. www.maizyisgoingtobeasister.blogspot.com
So make sure it is something you really want before you jump in.
When I got pregnant the 1st time no one could believe I was going to have a baby! I disliked kids that much!! I seriously was NEVER going to have a baby. Ever. I got pregnant while on the pill (and messing them up but was taking them when I found out I was pg). I cried and cried for weeks. It wasn't until the 1st u/s I finally got over it. I slowly started to love the little life inside of me. Both my husband and I were fine w/ no kids. Same thing w/ the 2nd one ... a pure accident ... and in a not so great situation. I was positive after the one that she would be it.
Fast forward 10ish years ... I wanted the last 2 babies more then anything in the world! We went to great lengths to get pregnant! So it's funny to me that years ago I thought I would never have children and now I have 4.
So it's fine if you don't know what you want. In my case I guess it's good my 'accidents' happened. I can't imagine my life any other way.