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Help...please. Boarding / Private / Military Schools?
Let me preface with I just need help in finding something. We (I use we, because there are 4 parents involved and in some way we have all contributed to this, no matter what my feelings are on those percentages) have "lost" a teenage girl. Literally. She doesnt care about school, she doesn't want to go to school, she doesn't care if she gets in trouble, she doesn't care what you do to her...she lies, she runs away, she skips, she steals, she...this list could go on forever, so I wont go into all the details. (Please note there are other family issues at hand and we are working on resolving those, but there doesn't seem to be an end insight for that yet.)
The public school system doesn't want her. Can't parent her (nor should they have to). (Please note: I feel for her teachers. They have this child that doesn't care, and they shouldn't have to waste their time trying to make her care. I put no blame on them or the system. This runs much deeper than something they can fix.) She wont ever be accepted into a private school (or the ones that we have looked into and talked with), so what are our next options? I have researched boarding schools and I am not sure what to think or where to even start. She has ADD/ADHD and Oppositional Defiance (we have had all the wonderful test ran). She can't be home schooled (not that should even be an option!). I am at a lost. My husband and I just sat on the bed and shook our heads. Lets say she has 7 classes and she is passing 1. Sigh.
My husband and I have shed many tears over this and we are just at a lost. We have NO clue what to do next. We know we need to do something (even if the other two parents in this dont think so). Taking things away does absolutely NOTHING for her. She just doesn't care. We just don't know.
Any thoughts? Suggestions? Reading material (How to make a teenage girl care for dummies?) I will take any help I can get right now. 
TIA
Re: Help...please. Boarding / Private / Military Schools?
Have you tried a counselor? Even just for you guys? My mom found a book about parenting ADD/ADHD kids - a few books actually.
But I really think finding a counselor - not the school counselor - would be a good start. Good luck. I hope it works out for everyone involved.
Done the counselor (went through 3 or 4). Been there for 5+ years. Added a Psychiatrist because we thought we needed that. Hasn't helped. Just recently added a new one because the one we were seeing didn't do the testing we needed to figure out how to help her the best. She has the "best" medical attention for all her needs. She just doesn't care. This is beyond the typical teenage girl attitude and crap.
Edit: We have even done a medical treatment facility - but that place just had bad influences. Things we weren't dealing with when we did that, we are now. Only till recently did some of them go away. But we still deal with some of them here and there...arghhh!
I am a step mom to my 15 year old SS and it is very hard at times. I do not have any advice but wanted to offer hugs as well.
- Paula Deen to 104.1 KRBE's Producer Eric 9/17/2011
I have a friend whose parents sent her to boot camp as a teenager for many of the same issues. She swears it saved her life. This was 15+ years ago though so I'm not sure if it's an option today. 99% of the other girls were court ordered to be there.
I would say that she needs to see a therapist. I used to hang out with the wrong crowd in High School and I can say that everyone of us had something in common. Most of us had something horrible happen to them and all them did not feel anyone was there for them or could help them.
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I don't have any recommendations, but the thought has crossed my mind too. I hope you guys find a resolution.
*hugs*
My friend said he went to San Marcos Baptist Academy. He said he loved it and it was the best thing for him - to turn him around. It IS co-ed, but it's not a military type school anymore; just a college prep school.
You might still look into it if you think removing her from specific bad influences is necessary at this point. Such a rough spot though - a kid can totally also feel like, "Oh, I'm difficult so you ship me off, huh?"
You'll be in my thoughts/prayers.
- Paula Deen to 104.1 KRBE's Producer Eric 9/17/2011
My brother went to Marine Military Academy but I just looked and it's male only, dangit. They may have a recommendation though if you get desperate for one. He sounds a lot like your daughter, but mix in bringing marijuana to school and being arrested for it.
While I was not the parent, as the sister, it was hard. I am sorry for your pain and the stress.
teehee - I went to his same school!
Not sure it's what she's looking for but OP I will PM you.
I've been there... I was that girl. Unfortunately, nothing will help until she wants the help. My parents tried everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. They finally got to the point where they gave up and tossed me out. I don't blame them for this... I had a younger brother and they had to protect him from me. I was 15 years old when I went out on my own... well, I moved in with my boyfriend. Things didn't get better. In fact, the next 2 years was pretty bad. I almost died. Then I got pregnant at 17 y/o. Most people would say this is a bad thing, but getting pregnant saved my life. My son turned my entire world around and that is when I realized it was time for change. Not until that moment could I help myself.
I know this probably doesn't make you feel better but it sounds like she is in the same place I was. I think I was so used to everyone giving up on me that I gave up on myself. She needs support, love, understanding, to be talked to like a person. I hated the counselors, I hated the "facilities/camps"... I always felt like people were poking and prodding trying to label me with something or send me off because I was too much trouble to deal with. I was being tossed around like a piece of meat and began searching for "love" in all the wrong places. Sometimes parents think they are helping when they really aren't. As a parent today, I do realize what my parents were doing. They did love me, and they WERE trying to help -- but as a kid all I saw was everyone against me. No one would listen to what was really going on. No one ever stopped to ask me questions or try to understand why I did the things I did. For them, it was all about trying to "control" me. No one was ever going to accomplish that because the harder they tried to lock me down, the harder I pushed. I don't know if I can tell you what to do because I really don't know what is wrong with her. I can suggest sitting down with her by yourself and having a real one on one... let her lead. If you want her to pour her heart out and be honest, you will have to do the same.
Good luck! I know this has to be a really hard position to be in. I pray every day that I never have to go through this with my kids.
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Ok when you said you went to school with him, I was TOTALLY thinking college, lol.
- Paula Deen to 104.1 KRBE's Producer Eric 9/17/2011