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Baby/Holiday Anxiety
I am having major anxiety every time I think of the baby coming. I really thought I was ready for this, but now I'm really doubting myself. When I feel the heightened anxiety coming on, I want to take something for it (anti-anxiety meds) which I was able to do pre-pregnancy, but not now. Which is making it harder. I start getting lightheaded, super woozy/tired, rapid breathing, etc. and I know the baby can feel it which makes me feel terrible.
Thinking about the holidays is making it worse. My parents are about to be out of their house due to bankruptcy/foreclosure and my mom casually threw out there that we (DH and I) may be doing Christmas at our house this year. That means my parents, sis and her H and my other sis will all be staying at the house, potentially.
We only have one guest bedroom with a bed. So now I am quickly trying to find a headboard/footboard for that bed so I can use the futon frame underneath the current mattress as another bed, which means purchasing a futon mattress. And then that still leaves my other sister. I guess she can stay on a couch, but I hate to do that to her.
I've always wanted to have family over for Christmas but with the baby this year, it's all getting to be too much for me. All of this, plus not knowing when the baby will come are enough to give me a panic attack. I know my mom doesn't want me to worry about it at all, so I haven't said anything to her about it. With all that she's going through losing the house, I don't want to give her one more thing to worry about.
DH is so supportive and knows I have anxiety issues, so he is doing everything he can to help, but I am just worrying about all of it all the time.
I feel at a loss. I don't know what to do to make it stop.
Re: Baby/Holiday Anxiety
I'm not familiar with anxiety attacks, but I remember freaking out with the Holy Cow I'm Going to Have a Baby Soon feelings.
I don't know your family, but my hope is that they are close enough with you so that you can say sure, come to my house for Christmas, but I'm only offering the house, you need to entertain yourself as I'll be preparing to have a kid. Can your one of your sisters take the holiday instead? Our house is used as the meeting place since MIL/FIL lost their house due to foreclosure as well. I told the ILs that I'll be busy either having a baby, or about to, so if they want to use the house for a gathering, that's fine, but don't expect me to play hostess.
Maybe just try focusing on what is really important, your baby and your health. The rest of it will hopefully fall into place. And if you need to vent/de-stress/whatever, go for it.
Breathe. Breathe. You could always go the air matress route. Not the most comfortable things in the world, but much cheaper than buying furniture that you don't completely need and will end up taking up space. And they can be put away during the day and brought back out at bed time.
I would also assign if we are doing christmas with the baby close, then you guys will have to be in charge of meals this day, this day, and this day. Or have a lot of easy meals on hand, or some good take out.
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I deal with anxiety too, so I can definitely relate. What helps me when I feel overwhelmed, is to write things down. I am notorious for making lists. It helps me feel more in control of things when I can look at everything I need/want to do in one place, and have a plan for getting everything done.
As for the holidays, your family knows your living situation, so they know that there isn't a lot of room. I doubt they will be expecting much. Could your sisters and their families stay at a hotel if necessary? Leaving the guest bedroom for your parents? You are going to have a new baby in the house, so I don't think your family is going to expect you to be the perfect hostess. If anything, they will probably step up and help YOU. Of course, I say this without knowing anything about your family and if this is likely behavior for them or not
Just take one thing at a time, if you think about everything at once, you will definitely give yourself a panic attack.
I'm so sorry you are having anxiety issues. Have you talked to your OB about it at all? Maybe they have ideas to help. Also, have you tried any natural remedies for it? I'm not sure what they might be but you could try googling. I find natural remedies for things often work better than drugs, and I always try them before medicating. Hypnobirthing helped me to stay really calm and feel ready for baby.
Secondly, you should not be worried about accomodating house guests right now. I would just put that out of your mind completely until the time comes when you need to worry about it. I mean I know you are trying to be prepared, but if it's giving you anxiety then I don't think you should be letting it get to you. I know they are having financial troubles, but is there any way for them to stay in a hotel? I mean if you have a newborn you'll want a backup plan incase you can't handle all those people in your house. It's an adjustment period so you want to be able to know the people are leaving after a while, kwim?
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Wait, when is your due date? Isn't it really close to Christmas? How can your family just say, "Hey, we're doing Christmas at your house"? What if you're in the hospital? What if you just came home? I'm sorry, but that seems really unreasonable to me. Best case, you will have a very new newborn and you do not need to be worrying about having house guests.
I understand that your family would still want to get together for Christmas, but you cannot be expected to take on that burden at this time in your life. Even if you have an "easy" newborn--it is stressful to have people in your house, even if they are pulling their own weight/entertaining themselves.
Maybe I need more details on this situation, but I think I would be putting my foot down and not allowing anyone (especially your whole family) to stay with us. It's just not fair to you.
I think, for the sake of your sanity, you and your family need to have a talk and agree to let some of the "Christmas tradition" stuff go this year. How far away do they live from you? Can you do a short get-together instead of a multi-day thing?
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Heather is wise.
Ditto! I agree with everything that Heather has suggested. I am so sorry this is causing so much anxiety, Katie.
If Heather hadn't said it first, I would have said the same thing! You definitely should not be having to take on house guests when you will either be very pregnant or with a newborn...it takes an adjustment and can get very stressful!
At most, I'd agree to everyone coming over Christmas day (assuming you aren't in the hospital still--can't remember your due date) but that's it. They would need to stay elsewhere and would be responsible for meal(s) and clean up.
I'm due in 5 weeks and I already said we are not running around to a bunch of different places during the holidays. Thanksgiving is currently up in the air since MIL moved to town and we're not sure how to split that. For Christmas, I said I we are going to see the ILs on Christmas Eve, and my family Christmas Day and that's it--those 2 houses and nothing more. I don't want to deal with it and if people don't understand, tough.
First of all, I'm so sorry your family threw this your way and that they seem to have forgotten how stressful new parenting is without the stress of entertaining.
I also have anxiety issues, and I talked to my OB about it. Before I get flamed up the ass for even mentioning this, let me say that I did a lot of research about it, discussed it heavily with my OB, and made the best decision for me and my pregnancy in regards to my anxiety. When I would feel the way you are describing, I would have about 4 ounces of red wine with dinner, and I would end up feeling so much better. I know that not everyone agrees with this, but my opinion was that the small amount of alcohol was a lot less harmful to the baby than the anxiety symptoms. You can always talk to your OB and see where s/he stands on this if you think it would help.
About entertaining... what about blow-up mattresses? They usually have pretty good deals on them around the holidays. They're not ideal, but in your situation it seems like the easiest route.
Wise indeed :-)
I am due December 27, so yes, I may very well be in the hospital for Christmas. Not knowing when the baby is coming presents a whole slew of scenarios. If baby comes early, I could be home on Christmas with an infant. If baby comes late, I will be VERY pregnant on Christmas.
My mom is a teacher and has already planned to come here for her break to help with the baby, which after reading all of these kind responses, I'm not sure is a good idea. I just have no idea what to expect so when she offered to come, I guess I thought it was a no-brainer. Maybe she'll be smothering (oh God...). I had anticipated she would be around to keep my MIL at bay (definitely the smothering type).
My mom will freak out if she hears that I am getting worried. That's definitely not what she wants, knowing I've had issues with anxiety in the past. Both of my sisters live in one-bedroom apartments, so having it at either of their places is probably not an option. I am centrally located, with one sis an hour away and the other sis, along with my parents, an hour and a half away in the opposite direction. Air mattresses are a good call.
Holidays are hard/stressful, ya know? I'm sure everyone can relate. Trying to balance/manage seeing both families, extended families, etc. My stress about my immediate family only covers a quarter of the holidays. I've also started thinking about DH's immediate family gtg, my extended family gtg and his extended family gtg, all of which make my head spin.
I've already had plenty of comments from family hoping that he (baby) comes early so they get to see him at the get togethers. I just don't understand! Most of these people have had babies and know that it is hard. Yet, I feel like they are expecting me to bring our infant out and show him to the world. I just feel like no matter what I do, I'll be dissapointing someone. And despite trying NOT to care about that and only focus on the baby, I can't help it.
ETA: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the guidance and support. It helps so much to know that I have support here and can bounce ideas around. I just didn't know where to turn to with this whopper...
Well, I have good news for you then
If it hasn't happened already it will when that baby is born. Hormones are crazy things and I'm willing to bet that you'll magically develop some fierce Momma Bear tendencies which have you worrying about baby, not others feelings, at least for a short time!
My advice to you is to decide........not to decide. You will figure out what you do when/if baby comes. If baby isn't here yet, maybe you'll be happy to go hang with family for an hour and have your belly rubbed (lol, kidding). If baby comes early, you may want to stay home and sleep AND THAT IS OK AND ALLOWED.
Feel better
That's a rough situation. Everything I would have said has already been mentioned above. I hope you are able to find something that works for your family (as in you, DH, and LO) during the holidays this year.
I, too, deal with anxiety issues, so I feel your pain. I've had to manage it my entire life and during this pregnancy. I completely understand that as you get closer to your due date, you are experiencing more stress, anxiety, etc. because I'm right there with you. If you think you need help managing it, I'd suggest you talk with your OB about it. I'm sure he/she will have lots of helpful suggestions for you. I had to make the decision that was best for me and LO when I got pregnant, and I'm not going to go into that, as this topic can create debate, but I'm more than willing to talk to you about it.
Do what is best for your immediate (you, DH, and LO) family, and enjoy the holidays (with or without LO depending on if he has arrived). We are all here for you.
Let everyone stay at your house and come hide out at mine
I'm only a few blocks from the hospital 
Just kidding (kind of).
Oh, and I totally feel you on the baby anxiety thing. I was a wreck every time I thought about going into labor. I thought I was going to throw up on our hospital tour. Amazingly enough, when I went into labor and got to the hospital, I was calm and went with the flow...minus the screaming at the nurse for not getting me into a room sooner for my epidural. You've got my number if you ever want to call and chat/vent.
This doesn't have anything to do with the family issues BUT you will probably not want to be taking baby out to all of those gtg's, even IF he is here! When babies are born, in my experience with my own and friends, you become very momma bear and want to protect them from germs, etc. That would be a very new baby to be exposing to all of those people, especially in the height of flu season. I, personally, would not feel comfortable with it.
I like the hotel idea/or just asking them to come on Christmas. That's a lot to deal with... I hope you can get it figured out.
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One of the pregnant women on our hospital tour last week DID throw up during the tour! I felt really bad for her because we all waited for her and she must have been embarrased, although none of us really minded waiting.
She said being in a hospital and seeing medical equipment makes her sick, that it's always bothered her. I'm hoping for the best for her when she goes in labor, because if it bothered her that much on the tour, I can't imagine how it will when it's actually being used on her. Hopefully she'll be in a different mind frame then.
I can relate since my due date was Christmas Day with Tessa. I was so stressed out thinking about if I was going to go early (which I did since she was born on the 16th), if I was going to be in the hospital on Christmas, or if I was going to still be pregnant. I think it stressed me out even more because I was upset thinking about not being able to celebrate Christmas with Kellen, even though I knew he wouldn't know the difference. My parents and siblings have been very accommodating the past 2 Christmases and came to our house to watch Kellen open presents. This past Christmas, since I had just had a baby, my mom brought breakfast with her for everyone so I wouldn't have to worry about doing anything. I also didn't care if the house was company perfect either because I knew that my family would understand. The thing I regret is leaving and going to visit DH's parents, his brothers, and their families at my IL's house. We were there for ever! I was so exhausted by the end of all the events. I felt obligated for us to show up, which I shouldn't have.
My advice is to talk to your family and see if they plan on staying with you for the holidays that they need to help out with cooking for themselves and the holiday meals, etc. You are already going to have so much to deal with, and from the way you are describing your mother it sounds like she will be more then willing to do so. That is if you still agree to let them stay with you all. I also would put my foot down about taking the baby to all the gtgs, it is probably going to be very overwhelming (and germy) for you all to be taking the baby to all those gtgs if he is here by then. I don't have much advice on how to deal with the anxiety, but I completely understand the due date stress since I was in your shoes last year. I hope it gets better for you soon and you figure out a solution that works best for you, DH, and the baby.