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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
New Yorker story: 50 and pregnant
Thoughts? I have to say, I am all for people becoming parents, especially people with infertility issues. But becoming a parent after 50? By choice? I have a problem with that. It seems unfair to the kids, it's risky to the mom, and it's a little too playing-God for me. I ,mean, they brought this woman out of menopause so she could have a second kid at 52.
Re: New Yorker story: 50 and pregnant
Yeah, I'm with you. Not to be judgmental, but the risk of not being there for college graduations, weddings, grandchildren, seeing your children become successful adults, etc. is too much risk for me. Also, who takes care of those children if they're special needs?
My uncle (52) and aunt (48) have a 5 yr old, a 2 yr old and are trying for #3. I love my cousins of course, but at the same time they're not going to have the bond I had with the cousins I grew up with because we're not all the same age/ going through the same things. And my uncle's oldest daughter (first marriage) has a 1yr old son- that gets kind of hard to explain too.
Overall I think it just gets complicated.
Stand up for something you believe in.
I can't believe theres a picture of her on the cover! My eyessssss.
DH's dad was pretty old when MIL had DH and BIL... and he was NEVER around. He just couldn't deal with it. There were no Saturdays in the park tossing a football around or anything. Kinda sucked for them.
I mean, I guess it's good (maybe that's not the right word) that if you get to that age and have regret about not having kids, you still can... but at the same time, yeah, it's weird that they were able to get her to still have kids.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
the thing that mostly comes to mind for me is "good god, isn't she tired??"
I can barely keep up with one two year old and I'm only 34!!
Well, clearly you waited too long to have kids. The article says the perfect age to have a baby is 30.5.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
I think it is a little irresponsible but then again, I think having kids when you can't afford them or nurture them or provide for them or spend time with them, is irresponsible too.
I'm with you T&C before I read the article I was a little judgmental, and afterwards my thoughts broadened a bit. I still wouldn't do it. I want to be done before I am 40. Parenting takes a lot of energy and these babies years are an endurance game for sure. In 20 years maybe we won't even blink at a 50 year old mom. My mom was 37 when my youngest brother was born 29 years ago and she felt like a grandma at all of his events because there was a decade+ between her and the other moms. Now she would be about average.
The line in the sand in the article reminded me of my own experience with my two pregnancies. I had my first at 33 and my second shortly after I turned 35. The 35 year old line in the sand for advanced maternal age was interesting to cross. The tests that were available, the monitoring and extra care were much more generous than with my first pregnancy.
I try not to judge other people's decisions about how to create their families as long as the parents are mentally fit and can afford it. Would I do it? No, I highly doubt it. I feel exhausted all the time now, so I can't imagine running after a toddler when I'm 50. But there are plenty of grandparents in their 50s who are raising their young grandkids. I guess they make it work.
i most definitely did not need that first quote about the first time the couple had sex. ick! that is tmi about anyone's sex life.
i think my main issue is with bringing a woman out of menopause. it definitely seems to taking medical advancements too far. i don't want kids but even if i changed my mind in 5-10 years, i'd adopt. i would not put my 50 year old body through a pregnancy!
my grandparents were 52 when i was born and i remember laughing when someone at college thought my grandfather was my dad. i was almost 30 when my grandfather died and thankfully my grandma is still awesome at 86. i know they were on the young side for grandparents but i am grateful that i've had so much time with them. i also wouldn't have wanted to worry about my mom's health in my early-mid teens. it's hard enough to worry about it now and she's mostly in good health for her age.
It's not an issue for men in their 50s to father a child, so why is it an issue for women? I wouldn't do it, but I don't care if someone else does. It's their risk. If we support women's reproductive rights, why would this be an issue?
ditto this
I kind of skipped ahead to the end and to try so hard to have a child to only plan to send her to boarding school half way around the world? I dunno, but that is questionable to me.
Having a kid at 50 is not for me. Personally, at 50, I hope I am buying a vacation home in another country big enough for our kids and if they have families of their own. Or at least close to that dream.
I can't control other people and their desires and needs - it's the life they choose. Interesting article though. And I hope I look as good as she does on the cover of the magazine when I'm 50. Of course, not pregnant.
My aunt and uncle unexpectedly got pregnant when she was 44 and he was 48, after thinking for many years they were unable to have children. My cousin is so adored, so loved, and they are so involved with him. He's a lucky boy.
I will say, though, that my aunt and uncle are awfully, awfully tired. My cousin is a high energy 8 year old who would take a lot out of people half their age.
This is a tough one. My oldest brother is 53 and his wife is mid-40s. Their only child is 2.5. They struggled with SIL's health issues for years and when those were resolved it took them several years of infertility treatments to conceive. My brother knows he might not see certain milestones, but I will say he is a great dad and is involved everyday with his LO. Having said that, he is exhausted!
I haven't read the article yet, but definitely will, but here's where I stand on older parents.
I was 37 when LO was conceived and born, and am 38 now. And boy, am I tired! But I didn't meet DH until I was 31, we got engaged at 32, married at 33, began to ttc at 34.5 and had infertility issues. DH is my age.
It is a huge issue for #2. I really don't want to be pregnant past 40 (if I can even get pregnant again), but that means starting, oh, about now to conceive again. YIKES!
It's tough. It breaks my heart to think that I might have less of a lifetime with LO than if I was a younger parent, or my worst nightmare is that I will get early-onset Alzheimer's and he will have to deal with that as an adolescent, but on the other hand, you never know what will happen. My dad's parents were in their late 20s when he was born and died when he was 19 and 24. My mom's parents were in their mid-30s when she was born, and she was 45 and 50 when they passed away.
True true. I was going to say that it seems pretty selfish, but the same could be said for a lot of other people who become parents.
It's a hard question - and not one I have an answer for. I had my first later than I wanted to - at 35. And like mssaint - should probably start trying for #2 now. I wish I had been younger - but I also met my husband late and faced infertility. All I know is how deeply I love the child I have now - a love that is always shaded by the thought that I could have missed it...
I really wish adopting was easier and less expensive.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
I have a student at school who has a much older dad. The student is a third grader and his dad is in his 80s. I do feel like his dad wont be there for some of his big moments and that is a shame but there are dads of all ages that miss out on parts of their childs lives for various reasons.
I have older parents. My brother is 17 years older than me and he has young parents
I think the most provocative point of this article was glossed over - the pressure on women to perform at work, provide an income, manage a household, and have children within a certain timeframe. Women who can afford it are pushing back by doing donor egg IVF later in life. While I think it's easier to do things in the traditional order, who am I to say who can and can't form a family?
(I will admit though that I was freaked out by an AARP eligible dad in our prenatal class, but the couple seemed genuinely in love.)