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Need a variety of opinions...
I'm new to this board, but I feel like I'm more interested in what YOU would do v. what you think I should do if you knew me better. DH and I are about to move to Paris in January for a year.
We've been trying to relocate internationally for a long time and were 90% set to move to Mexico City about 4 years ago when it fell through at the last minute. Plan B was to stay in NYC and have a baby, which we did.
Now the stars have aligned to move abroad just when we were discussing TTC #2. I feel like it doesn't have to be an "either or" question. Plenty of people have children in other countries and, quite frankly, I already have DD. It's not like I'm going to be partying in Paris until 2am anyway when I have a 3-year-old child at home. I feel ready to have another child, DD is anxious to have a sibling and I'm not getting any younger (turning 36 in December).
DH thinks we need to hold off and revisit the whole thing after we've been in Paris for a while, potentially waiting until we get back from our year there to TTC.
FWIW, I speak French and am comfortable with the idea of dealing with French-speaking doctors, etc. Also, we don't live near family here, so it's not like I would have a ton more help in NYC with a newborn than I would abroad.
But, yes, it's just a year. I could spend that year drinking fabulous wines and eating all kinds of stinky cheeses while I try to suppress all the impulses in my body saying "give me a baby now!"
So, talk to me.
Re: Need a variety of opinions...
I dont have kids so I dont know if you want my two cents but I would wait at least a few months. You never know how many cycles it will take but I would want to enjoy Paris for a few months (like you said the wine and cheese) before TTC.
Plus, I think it would be more difficult moving back home with a newborn.
Ditto what other people have said. Get there, give it a few months to get your bearings, then revisit the issue with your husband. If everyone's on board, then go for it:-) That way if you do conceive, you should be able to move back to the states to have the baby and not be too late to fly:-)
I wouldn't want to wait, but it's not like I would be TTCing without my DH's knowledge, so if he wouldn't budge, that would be that. I'd talk to him about it, though.
FWIW, I moved abroad for good (DH is Danish) and I got my BFP just a few months after moving here. I had JUST gotten my visa approved. I didn't really speak any Danish (although almost everyone here speaks English) and didn't know anyone, and didn't know anything about the Danish health system, and everything was fine. Maybe I just live life on the wild side. :P
We don't have kids, but this would be my line of logic...
A year goes by so freakin' fast (esp when your time's limited... we're only here for 5yrs and, IME, time just seems to fly). I can see not wanting to put your family plans "on hold", but at the same time, it's nice to be able to sample the wares and not deal w/ morning sickness (to the extent that that'd be an issue).
I personally wouldn't opt to get pregnant b/w now and the move-- packing, saying goodbyes, etc is busy and tiring enough-- I would want to do that 1st tri (from all I hear about the energy drain that many experience). I also would prefer not to switch docs mid-stream.
If your experience in Paris is anything like mine in Italy, you'll probably be a combo of really busy settling in and adventure traveling the first 2mos.
So I guess, I'd opt for H's plan, of giving it 'til April and seeing how we felt at that point (of course, if we were going to TTC, I'd want 'til Jul so I was out of the 1st tri but not into the 3rd for the move back the following Jan). If it happened b/w Jul and Jan, great. If not, well we'd have been trying so hey not "on hold"/
Personally, I would wait. As it's just a year, I would want to fully enjoy my time in Paris. It can also be quite a hassle to get the baby's paperwork, passport, register the birth abroad etc...
Other posters most likely have more info about the paperwork required for Americans abroad (I'm Canadian, it it was a serious pain in the butt and a lot of running around to get M's Canadian passport and citizenship, funnily enough it was so easy to get his French papers done in Vietnam).
If you and your H do decide to do it, as I'm sure you know, the health care is great. I'm sure you would even be able to find English speaking doctors in Paris if that makes you more comfortable.
We moved to Korea for 10 months and I am no spring chicken either, I am 37. We did not want work to dictate our lives. With that said, I had no support system in Korea so our plan was to wait and TTC in Korea, but be back in the UK to have it. We TTC for a few months and then I got the BFP and I moved back to the UK at 21 weeks. I calculated on the calender the latest I could fly while pregnant and worked from there. If I had my plan I would have moved back at 30 weeks. But we concieved a few months later and moving at 21 weeks was really perfect.
Maybe your DH will be on board with TTC in France and having the baby back in the States, then you can enjoy all the great wine and cheese for your first few months. The best of both worlds.
Ok, so my 2 cents is to hold off til' you get here. Here is my story.
Three days after we got to the NL we found out I was preggers. We were not trying, so it was a shock. We are both 35 and decided we are happy with having one child. If we were at home, it wouldn't have been a big deal (our family was/is a huge help!)
While I was preggers here, I was SICK. Way worse that with DS. Add that to the stress of moving and taking care of DS, I was a mess. Well, after 3 weeks (preggers for 11 weeks) of being here the pregnacy wasn't viable. I would be due in about 3 weeks.
With all that said, my mental state would have been 100 times different if we were already here a few months, into our house, Visa's done, etc.
My suggestion is to wait 2 or 3 months and then get back to TTC. Let yourself enjoy the "adventure" w/your family and settle in together. Your DH might be more onboard for that. I think men (not to be sexist) tend to get overloaded to too many of these big steps all at the same time.
I would wait. A big part of that is due to having already experienced my body with pregnancy once, travelling (or not) while pregnant, and moving with an infant. If it was two years then I'd say go for it. But for one year? I'd enjoy my time there and TTC at the tail end of that year if at all before moving back.
While I don't have morning sickness with my pregnancies I do have major fatigue issues. I didn't have energy to stay awake for the later dinner times in Italy. Some days I didn't have enough oopmh to get out the door to the grocery store before riposo (like siesta). Travelling was either difficult or I couldn't do. Should have seen my face when DH asked if we could take a hydrafoil boat to Capri, in the summer, with me almost 8 months pregnant. There's a long list of things I wasn't able to do or places I wasn't able to see because it was either a pregnancy no-no (snowboarding the Italian Alps) or just not possible (taking advantage of the wind surfing school in our town).
But as the girls have said, it is less what one of us would do and more what you and your DH decide.