Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
trying to do it all advice
I'll make this as short as possible and would love any advice. I am just a stress-ball lately.
I am a full-time high school teacher, mom to Felix and I am attempting to finish my PhD. I finished my PhD coursework (2 years worth) three years ago, and then bc my program lost its funding, I lost my funding and had to take my current teaching job. I took a year maternity leave from my PhD program last year. I wasn't around much on these boards this summer bc I was trying to finish and defend my thesis (I did and it was so hard and miserable).
Right now, I am studying for my qualifying exams in Nov, and then I expect to begin my data collection from Jan 2011-Jan 2012. Data collection will have me taking off time from work (unpaid) to do observations and interviews.
My concerns: I feel like a crazy person. I have no free time and every extra minute is spent studying. I am getting constant migraines, I think from stress of both school and the financial hole my education is putting our family in (I owe more than (100K already from undergrad and grad). My PhD program is costing us $4k a quarter, and I have to remain enrolled for 5 more quarters (I cannot take a leave of absence unless is it medical).
I don't know if its my stress level this week or what, but I am really wondering if this PhD is worth it. I know I won't be going for a tenure track job, partly because Ryan's work is in LA, partly because I don't want to race for tenure, and I also really like my job right now and can see myself happy there for a long time. Plus, Felix gets tuition reduction if he enrolls at my school (which is K-12).
I've worked so hard already for the PhD, but I have a long, expensive way to go. I just don't know what to do. Ryan will support any choice, but said we cannot keep paying tuition beyond the 5 more quarters, and I don't blame him. I think my pride would be hurt if I "quit" but I just don't know if I can do it all.
Sorry this is so long.
Re: trying to do it all advice
My dad got through to his thesis of his Ph.D. and then quit. He was driving down to Boston all the time and spending time away from us (never mind spending a ton of money). In the end, it wasn't going to gain him anything by finishing his Ph.D. other than more debt. So he decided that it wasn't worth it. In the end, it worked out and he never thought about going back in to it.
It's a choice that you have to make on your own, but I know what my dad decided and it worked well for him. I hope things start getting better for you soon!
What is getting the PhD going to do for you, besides give you bragging rights? (And you certainly deserve bragging rights for all the work you've done so far.) Can the work you want to do be done without the PhD? Is spending another $20k on the PhD going to get you at least 20k worth of benefit in the future?
Once upon a time I was in law school. After spending 20k on my first year, I thought long and hard about whether I'd be happy working as a lawyer. I knew I wasn't going to be happy practicing law, so the only logical choice was to leave law school and prevent myself from going even more into debt.
My first instinct was to think about it financially as well. If you already owe $100K, is finishing the PhD going to get you into a job that will make it worth it to have $120K in education-related debt?
BUT, that doesn't take into account any of the emotional aspects of moving away from something you've been working toward so long. What I'll say about that is that things change. That's just the nature of life. You can't possibly know at 22 or 24 or whatever what's going to be a perfect fit for you at 30 or 35 or 40. So starting a grad program because it's what fit with your goals at the time doesn't mean that it's still going to be what's best for you now. Unless you're still 100% excited and thrilled and mentally committed to finishing, I don't think there's any shame in admitting that your life is taking a different (great and perfectly acceptable) track and letting it go. It sounds like you're really happy with every part of your life but the PhD program and that you're just hanging on because it seems like the thing to do. If you really like your job, would get to spend more time with your kiddo, would save $20K that you're not totally sure you want to spend, and could possibly reap benefits in the future by sending Felix to the school where you work (So it must be good, right?) for free, I don't think you'd be making a bad decision to stop.
Also, and this isn't a reason to quit, but is something you should at least think about, if you get through five more terms and something comes up that will require you to extend your work but you can't and have then put in all this even more work, how will that make you feel? Would you rather get out now or risk the possibility of that happening?
Also also, there's some really good TV on this fall. Quitting school could really open up your possibilities on that front. ;P
The 100k in debt your already have is irrelevant because it's a sunk cost. At this point, the only difference in expense between finishing and not finishing is the 20k tuition and whatever income you lose when you're doing your data collection and not working.
This is true. I guess what I meant is, if the debt you already have is already outpaced by any job that you could get in that field, it doesn't make sense to add $20K to it.
Thank you guys so much. I really have missed all the good advice that comes from this board. In the end, I don't think that the PhD will get me anywhere job wise, because I know that I don't want to go back to teaching college. All of your words have helped so much. I think I am going to give it a few more weeks, but may ultimately step away.
And get to watching some good tv
Thanks so much. I think after hearing some perspectives and talking to some of my friends who are also in the program, it just makes sense to make a graceful exit. I can't imagine Ryan will object, but I'll plan on talking to him this weekend.
Enjoy your Friday night!