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I need help....WWYD?
So my oldest is supposed to go to Prep's homecoming tomorrow. Her boyfriend got into trouble and missed curfew last night....by not much. He couldn't get in touch with his parents to ask if he could watch and movie and then we would take him home. His mom came to get him and he didn't get to finish watching the movie. So now he is grounded and can't go to homecoming. Would you get involved, or no?
We have a lot invested in this evening. Dress- $95 Mani/pedi- $35 shoes, jewelry purse- $? Hair- $? Bout- $15. -Not to mention their broken hearts.
Re: I need help....WWYD?
While I don't like poking my nose in other's parenting, if he's a good kid overall and it was an honest mistake I would call and explain what happened. Homecoming only comes around 4 times in a person's life time.
I don't know if I would bring up the cost of what your daughter's (you've) spent. That's a risk taken when asked to a prom at a different school.
That is hard on one hand,
I would call but first apologize for the misunderstanding. Did you know he didn't get ahold of them prior to him being picked up. Then express how you know the importance of following parents rules and you would never encourage them being broken and hope the oversight would be taken into consideration as you know the kids would really love going and if they like (and if you could) be willing to drop them off and pick them up and get him home either by curfew or 30 minutes to 1 hour earlier than his normal curfew.
This way they get to go but have to come home early as punishment.
And then on the second hand.
Curfew is curfew.
I'm not a parent, but I don't think I would get involved. yes, it sucks for your daughter, but having someone else critique their parenting choices will probably not go over well. And if this is your daughter's boyfriend, you want to keep a good relationship with them.
If you do, maybe you could just call and apologize for the misunderstanding, because then maybe the blame can be shifted to you, instead of him, like "I told him I thought it would be ok, I'm sorry that I didn't call you first to check, that was my fault." If they don't budge though, I wouldn't push it. At the end of the day, they are his parents and you have to respect what they decided on.
His parents are REALLY strict. He had his phone taken away for the whole summer....until he started being a "good person". He is a good kid. We don't know his parents at all. ( we are supposed to meat them tomorrow). They have 5 boys, he is the 2nd. Yes our parenting styles are totally different. He tried to call his mom all night before she finally called back. To me, that would be her fault. I know I would take the blame in a second. A long time ago, DH told me that if we say no to the kids, we need to have a reason. Don't say no just because you feel like it. I want my kids to enjoy / cherish their time with us and in our home, not cause them to run from it.
SORRY- I'M VENTING!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT I CAN.
*meet
My parents were very strict and if I missed curfew, regardless of trying to call or what not, I would be in trouble. Sadly, I don't think you should call the parents. As frustrating as it is, he should have went home at curfew if he couldn't get a hold of someone to explain about the movie.
Sad for your DD, though.
That really really sucks for your daughter and you but I don't think I would call. You've never met them and could easily offend them. Even if you play it off as your fault it's going to come off that you're judging their parenting. While I do not agree with their decision (it seems quite excessive), it was their's to make.
Has your DD talked to her BF at all? Any chance the parents will change their minds and chose another punishment?
love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
Well with that additional information, I would say that if he wasn't able to reach her then he should have just gone home and skipped the movie. It is better to play it safe than to think they may let it go for a 5 minute late curfew.
It really isn't his mom's fault for not answering, he knows the rules and should abide by them unless otherwise given permission. If he would have made curfew, he could have addressed the scenario after the fact and then maybe see if they would have been fine.
You're supposed to meet them tomorrow, right? Is this before the dance? Who told you he was no longer allowed to go? If the parents haven't called to tell you and your daughter this directly, then they're MAJORLY in the wrong. They have to know that you have spent a good chunk of money on preparations for this, have arranged to meet them, etc. Where are you meeting? If they haven't personally contacted you, and if they don't show up to meet you... I'd be having some words with them. That's beyond strict parenting, that's just being a $hitty person.
I agree with K. I grew up in a house with similar rules and strictness levels (at least for me, not for my younger brother and look at where we're at with him now).
Consequences have to be felt, otherwise they won't be an effective means of enforcing rules.
I agree with this. Sorry for your daughter, but I wouldn't call either. Maybe she can wear the dress to another event?
Can you return the dress, shoes, purse? It hasn't been worn yet, right? So I would think you could get that money back.
My BFF got stood up for prom in high school. Her dad made the guy pay for the dress & shoes because they weren't returnable. I'm not saying I would do this, but it is a possible solution for you.
I wouldn't call. If I did call, it would be to explain the misunderstanding but I wouldn't ask the parents to change their mind.
Can she go by herself? Maybe return the items?
My parents were ubber strict... if they said be home at x and didn't answer the phone to grant me an extension, I would be there at the original time as planned.
Sorry, I have to disagree. This is a highschooler's Homecoming we're talking about here, not an international crisis. I would absolutely stay out of this. Don't get on a high horse about it - you'll just wind up making a fool out of yourself... over a kid's Homecoming dance. No bueno.
Does it suck for your daughter? Definitely. Would I be peeved about the expense? Mildly. I can't see why the stuff couldn't be returned to at least recoup the $$.
Homeboy has a known curfew. If you can't reach the 'rents to extend the curfew, then GO HOME. I'm with the parents on this one. Punishment does seem a little harsh to me, but I don't have a highschooler, and I'm not them.
I can guarantee you that if I was his Mom & you called me today about this I would wind up being pissed at you & offended. I would tread lightly here.